What is this fascination to have multiple wives?

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
1

I am reading this news story about Osama, and I noted that he has four wives, presently, and that he had married a fifth earlier but divorced her to make room for one of the other four (a muslim can only marry four at a time). And I am shaking my head. What is this fascination with marrying several women? His youngest wife is 19 years old and he married her 2 years ago. Osama is about 45 yrs old. (It is like me saying, that my future wife is 3 years old now).

I am not attacking Osama especially or even legitimacy of anyone marrying so many times. This is probably a common happening in Arab countries. What gets me is the mindset behind “not being satisfied with one wife”. What’s the cause for that? When the guy is getting old, doesn’t he realize that the wife is also getting old with him and they can share their old lives together? But no. The gentleman-in-question goes ahead and brings home a newer model every some years.

I guess I have grown up with a certain way of looking at such matters. In our culture, a guy and gal marry and then stay married till death does them apart. Divorce is not frequent but not unheard of either. There is no talk of marital infidelity (western culture) or polygamy (Arabian culture). And that is where the disconnect lies. Can anyone shed some light on this Arabian custom of having multiple wives?

Coming back to Osama, the guy is running from law enforcement for so many years, and still he gets time to look around for a fresh wife. Not only that, he actually manages to find a new gal, proposes to her (or whatever), marries her, sires his children, and maintains her in a reasonable life-style at the place of his choosing. To those of us, who have had to work on getting married just once and to keep it all together, raising kids and all, thats a tall order. And to do that five times… Jeez!

2

Good point Pristine!

However I wonder if someone could enlighten me about this. Is a muslim man, let's say who has 2 wives, allowed to go to bed with both of them at the same time? Afterall, the Quran does not say No it is not permitted. In other words it may be permitted. However the ideas may clash where it is known that Islam does not allow women to see each other
naked from the bellybutton to the knees.
Is it allowed, or not?
Any logic explanation or reasoning for or against what is the answer will be greatly appreciating.

3

Pristine,

Thats what happens when someone abuses Islam for their own pleasure. It has become a common practise in many Arab countries because of the non-questioning-go-ahead that is given to a guy having multipe wives. Apparently in the mindset they've grown up in 'growing older together with a single partner' isn't their idea of leading an enjoyable life.

L䧧äñ, Pïÿäz ÇhüQäñdä®, Häm ßhälöö, Tüm ßäñdäR.. :)

4

Khadija, you've answered your own post. Whats the source of your confusion here?

L䧧äñ, Pïÿäz ÇhüQäñdä®, Häm ßhälöö, Tüm ßäñdäR.. :)

5

thanks Pristine.. gave me the idea for another Friday post.. will start work on it right away..

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

There is No Spoon

6

Most Indian Muslims I know are monogamous.
I think The Koranic condition about treating all wives equally is not implemented.

Apart from that how can a 45 year old guy marry a 19 year old and want the rest of us to believe she is perfectly happy?

I think Muslim Women posting here should answer that question.
Do you think it is OK?

7

Lets keep Islam out of this for a moment! Because, Arabs (regardless of if they belonged to a western religions or pagans) used to do it before Islam's advent, Islam only restricted that practice. Secondly because as Pristine bhai pointed out its a western trait too, its just that the western culture is serially monogamous (one at a time, but many in a life time)

We (Pakistanis) also practice Islam as a religion but in our culture polygmy is not something exceedingly common! What's the cultural significance for the Arabs be that way?

8

Well, taking the exit again Ahmedjee.
Christians Arabs don't practice polygamy as far as I know.
So Religion DOES have relevance here.
On your contention that it seems to be an Arab thing, may be.
But if Christian Arabs can get rid of the practice why not Muslim Arabs?
Infact Arabs go to great lenghts to get their women.
There was the famous incident in Hyderabad India when a 60 year old Arab Sheikh tried to marry a 14 year old Muslim girl or something.
There was big noise about it.

9

Andhra, I am not taking the exit! Its not religion forum, post it in religion and we will discuss.

Secondly, it was St. Paul who banished polygamy from Christianity. Now days as most Christians are the followers of Paul, so they don't practice it. In other words, Jesus (as) never abolished polygamy, nor does Mark, Mathew, Luke or John talk about it. If you have any reference please let me know.

Do you want me to name some Hindu gods who are told to have more than one wife? Many Thakurs up till the later part of the last century had more than one wife! Hindu women in some part of Nepal are polyandrous!

Indeed religion has effects, but all the above examples its the culture that plays the more important role.

The black Muslims converts of US never practiced polygamy!

10

I think you ARE taking the exit here.
Islam is the only religion that explicitly sanctions polygamy.
I agree it is a cultural thing in that of all Muslims it is Arab Muslims who generally take this particular part of Koran to heart, ignoring the part about treating them all equally!!

Hinduism just condones it, in that Hindu mythological characters and later on Maharajahs go for it.
But it does demand a vow out of every Hindu Man, he explicitly promises the women he is going to marry, 'I am not going to leave you in sexual affairs' among other things, which can only mean monogamy.

11

Pristine,

Please clarify the discussion that you wish to encourage/instigate.

If it is based on religion, let's move it to the Religion section.

If otherwise, please state.

12

In my mind there is no confusion that Islam allows polygamy. There are conditions that need to be met, but after all is said and done; a man IS allowed to keep four wives at a time. Anyone having four wives is not abusing Islam. In my first post I said "I am not attacking Osama especially or even legitimacy of anyone marrying so many times". Therefore, it is clear (in my mind, at least) that this is indeed a legitimate act both from a legal stand-point (in Arab and most other Islamic countries) and is also permitted act under Islamic jurisprudence.

My question is more focused on the cultural issues surrounding the widespread practice of polygamy in the Arab culture, or any other culture that has this practice. What makes a man happy in our culture to live all his life with just one woman, and a limited number of kids (2,3,4). And what makes these other gentlemen going for multiple wives as a matter of routine and having kids by the dozen?

I don't think love plays any part in this. I may be wrong. As an example, I don't think Osama's love for his first wife diminished. He probably loves her as much now as he did the first day, but to marry again and again is probably just treated as a custom. Any affluent Arab male is expected to have multiple wives. The wives expect the same. They are not shocked or upset that their husband is getting married a 3rd time or a 4th time. So, it’s obviously a cultural thing.

Arab Christians may not follow this custom because Christianity prohibits polygamy. Mormons allow it. Islam also allows it, for whatever reason, but that reason is not part of this discussion. If anyone wishes to discuss the religious aspects, feel free to head to the Religion Section.

This discussion is on the social and cultural tendencies that make polygamy rampant in some cultures while make it extremely rare in most other cultures. As I said, I don't understand the mindset, and I am hoping someone familiar with all this can shed some more light.

[This message has been edited by Pristine (edited March 13, 2002).]

13

Here’s the reason in one word:

Hornyness combined with super size ego and a desire to keep women subservient of men. Religious reasons are a load of nonsense.

14

Yes..NYA is right. Hornyness, combined with financial issues. Despite the fact that the mideast sits on a goldmine, a large portion of the arab population does not make enough money, for a variety of reasons. And because of that, girls are routinely handed over to wealthy men as wives, in exchange for a handsome dower, which may be translated as selling ones daughter off.
On rare occasions, people do have noble intentions rather than mere lust.

It should be noted that polygamy is NOT widespread amongst arabs. Its widespread only amongst wealthy arabs, who happen to make the news most of the time, which is why we hear of it so often.

15

To say that Polygomy is common in all the Arab countries in not right. POlygomy is only common in Saudi Arabia, and countries in the gulf as well, but non arabs tend to forget that Arab culture is not the same throughout the Arab world. For example in Balaad al sham or countries like Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, and Palestine, polygomy is rare, same is the case in Egypt and Maghreb states of Algeria, Tunisia, Morroco and Libya. Just coz we encounter people from khaleeg states it doesnot mean that all the Arabs have same culture and heritage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

16

[This message has been edited by cool down (edited March 14, 2002).]

17

[quote]
Originally posted by cool down:
*Pristine a muslim man can merriage four times in life only if there is a reason. for example if the first time merriage ended on divorece. second wife dies, third dies, and the fourth merriage was not successful. then a man can't marry for fifth time. *
[/quote]

Cool down, firstly, this is not a religious debate, as it is focused on the cultural aspects. For your religious interpretations, please head to the Religion Section.

Secondly, I seriously advise you to check out your religious texts to verify what you are saying. Almost everything you said in the above paragraph is inconsistent with mainstream interpretation of Islamic jurisprudence. A Muslim man can marry as many times as he wishes, but he can only have four wives at one time. And there is no condition for reason. He may just like a girl and marries her without waiting for the first wife to die. You are probably confusing Christian practices with Islam.

*>>and ppl who have more than one wife are not respected in society. *

Subjective, and probably untrue in the context of arabian culture.

*>>christians are not allowed to divorce, but divorce rate is hieghest in countries where christians are in majority. *

Not relevant to the topic.

>>accordin to Hinduism if husband dies, woman is not allowed to do second marriage. now there are some examples when hindu woman get merriage after the death of her husband.

Not relevant to the topic.

*>>to have more than one wife is not acceptable practice in arab society. *

Subjective and quite untrue. This practice is quite common in rich and affluent arab families. I personally know several arab men who have two or three wives.

[This message has been edited by Pristine (edited March 13, 2002).]

18

Pristine Bhai, a professional cultural anthropologist or a sociologist can tell us better!

The family structure of these wealthy Arabs are very different than what we Pakistanis are used to at our homes, especially the ones living in the west. They don't help their children do their homework; take them to their soccer games, or worried about saving for their college. Nor their wives beg them to take them to the movies or mall! Most live in a joint family system where elders along with a crowd of workers help run the household chores including child rearing. Their visits to their households are frequent though prolly don't include the normal responsibilities like you would have to address when you go home tonight!

I believe it’s more so of a social norm for those who can afford!

[quote]
Hornyness, combined with ...
[/quote]

I disagree. They ‘ve got many other ways to ease their desires then to actually marry someone! From my last visit to Dubai it was quiet obvious that the city had an open nightlife, other Arab countries aren't very different. Not to mention that Amsterdam/New York hasn't stop giving out visas to these wealthy princes!

19

Ahmadjee, it is cheaper to have a few wives than to pick up hookers every night. I am talking in the long run. Even 4 wives at home don’t stop these camelheads to fool around. What do you think a 60 year old Shiekh looking for a 14 year old Bride in India wants? A family?? My foot.

Man, you gotta go and see some of them in Casinos they way they make fools of themselves.

20

Not to get indecent here but I can’t help it!!!

What does a 50-60 year old man do with 2 - 4 wives?

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

I mean, isn’t that unfair to women.
I am not talking just physical stuff here, he has to give them attention too right?