what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

It's hard to put a finger on the differences...my mother was a very strong, Type A type of personality. She was blessed with the Midas touch. Whatever she touched, turned to gold. The downfall of that type of personality is a zero tolerance for other's shortcomings. My father was a dreamer...he was one of the most intelligent and brilliant men I have ever known, however, his ideas/talents never quite came to fruition. He could plan it all out in his head, but not carry it out in actions.

They came to the US in 1972, as newlyweds,(married in 1970, had my two older sisters in 18 months). My parents were both extremely educated, but my father could never hold down steady employment. My mother was the breadwinner/provider. The resentments mounted on both sides. My mother became more successful on her own, my father sought refuge in Islam. They seperated and reconciled 3 different times before finally divorcing when I was 15 yrs old.

My father never remarried. My mother remarried when I was 21 years old.

Both my parents were diagnosed with end stage cancer in 2007, and they both passed away in 2008, exactly 30 days apart. At the time of my mother's death, she had been married to my ex-stepfather for 11 years.

Despite everything, the day my father passed away, he had a picture of my mother underneath his pillow.

Allah SWT meray ammi aur papa ko karvat karvat jannat ata farmah....ameen.

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce


**i'm sorry about your loss...it's a very touchy story. May Allah forgive their sins and reward them with jannat...aameen. may i ask you a question? were your mom N dad each others cousins?

**

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

no relation....my papa was best friends with my ammi's mamoo, they grew up together in hyderabad....unkay ghar pay bahot anaa janaa rehta tha...nana/nani moved to khi about 3 years after partition, when ammi was a toddler, laikin they still came back and visited India frequently, so papa was familiar with their family. when he finally moved to khi in the late 60's, he started again seeing my mom at her mamoo's and asked my dadi to send the rishta...

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce


**oh achchhaa...samajh gayaa...yeh sarHadeN kisii ke aaRe aa jaatii haiN to kisii ke kaam aa jaatii haiN...Hind o Pak kii taqseem se mulk ke baTwaare ke saath saath Khaandaan bhii baT gaye the. :(

**

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

With much older couples who divorce I think many have been in 'dead' marriages for years but chosen to stay together till the kids have left home.. Quite sad when you think about it :(

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

Any marriage ending in divorce has lasted too long. :chai:

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

Aameen.

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

...that made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. It broke my heart that your dad was still in love with your mom even after all those years. It makes me want to work harder at my own relationship and not let silly things get in the way and cause problems. Thank you for sharing.

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^ i like her balanced approach towards both of her parents...

...that made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. It broke my heart that your dad was still in love with your mom even after all those years. It makes me want to work harder at my own relationship and not let silly things get in the way and cause problems. Thank you for sharing.
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What a touching story! May Allah (Swt) grant them both the highest place in jannatul firdous. Did your mom find the happiness she was looking for with your stepfather? Looks like you had a good relationship with both parents despite the divorce. That is so important!

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

May Allah bles their souls. Ameen.

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

That’s a heartbreaking story. May Allah bless their souls.

:hugz:

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

No, sadly ammi's second marriage was not what she had been hoping for. My step father was not a very decieving man. A couple of years into their marriage, when ammi realized it, she was caught in the whole "log kya bolayngay.....may apni doosri shaadi bhi nahi nibaasaki...." and all that crap.

Anyway, as a married women and mother of 3, it's easier now for me to look back at their marriage and my childhood life with a mature perspective, but it wasn't easy growing up in a house with two parents who were obviously not happy. My sisters and I went through our bouts of anger and mistrust with them, but in the end, I know from the bottom of my heart that they did the best they could for us. There issues were always about them, not us and they NEVER used us kids as pawns.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and duas. Cherish your parents, love and respect them and most importantly, learn from them...both triumphs and mistakes.

No, sadly ammi's second marriage was not what she had been hoping for. My step father was not a very decieving man. A couple of years into their marriage, when ammi realized it, she was caught in the whole "log kya bolayngay.....may apni doosri shaadi bhi nahi nibaasaki...." and all that crap.

Anyway, as a married women and mother of 3, it's easier now for me to look back at their marriage and my childhood life with a mature perspective, but it wasn't easy growing up in a house with two parents who were obviously not happy. My sisters and I went through our bouts of anger and mistrust with them, but in the end, I know from the bottom of my heart that they did the best they could for us. There issues were always about them, not us and they NEVER used us kids as pawns.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and duas. Cherish your parents, love and respect them and most importantly, learn from them...both triumphs and mistakes.
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amazing that u seem like such a well grounded person. How have your older sisters reacted? Are they married with kids as well? That is really refreshing since they say the biggest casualties of divorce are the children . Kudos to your parents for not turning the kids against the totter parent. How did their respective families react to the divorce? Did your fathers side of the family still keep ties with u and ur sisters?

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@khattichic : Ameen. I hope they are happy where ever they are now and they granted Jannat ul firdous. I guess when we ourselves get married & have our own children do we realize the ordeals are own parents went through. Sometimes, I get impatient and short tempered with my parents and regret it a lot later but nevertheless such a behaviour does occur and I do ask Allah for forgiveness.

May Allah keep our parents, healthy, happy, safe and always there. Ameen & Insha Allah.

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

sorry to hear about your loss, thats a really great perspective you have as well.

If you don't mind me asking, what do you think kept them together all those years before the divorce even though they were unhappy and secondly what finally made them get the divorce? I mean was there a certain point they couldn't take being miserable anymore or was it related to any specific incident that pushed them into that final direction?

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

My mom had 4 brothers & 3 sisters, plus my nana & nani all living in the US, in our city. They had all moved here by the mid 1980's so I grew up very, very close with them. My mom's two youngest sisters and their husbands were very close with my father. Even after my parents divorce, Papa kept ties with most of my mamoos/khalas and their spouses. As far as my dadiaal....I didn't know them very well until I spent a summer in Khi as a teenager.. My phupis were awful to my mom and very vial towards my sisters and I as well, so I don't give them a second thought..however, my taiya & chacha's always respected my mother...they would visit her whenever she visited KHI, or when they came to the states and stayed with me, my mom would host them at a dinner at her house as well.

As far as how I turned out...it's a work in progress. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've sought the help of counselors/therapists. And like I said, it's easier to make peace as an adult, now that I'm a parent myself...as a child, not so much. I went through alot of anger, frustration and not so good behaviour, but we worked through it as a family.

My eldest sister married a gora the year my parents divorced...that marriage lasted 5 years, and she's been single ever since. Out of all 3 of us, her life has been impacted the worse I think. She doesn't believe in marriage, and has made some poor choices in life.

I think the most interesting thing I've learned from my life is that how different all 3 of us turned out despite being raised in the same home by the same parents. We each have a different take on our family and live our lives very differently.

Middle sister also married very young, and has two kids, a 20 year old daughter and a 14 year old son....

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1) at that time, in our culture/religion/community D-I-V-O-R-C-E was a very negative, very unheard of situation.
2) children....parents will do anything to for their kids. My parents waited it out for us.

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

Hey everyone...thanks so much for your kind words and duas for my parents and your interest in my topsy turvy life. I am a very open person and don't mind sharing my past experiences, which is why I love participating in GS threads, but I would appreciate it if we could stay on topic in this thread now! I feel like I've hijacked it!

Re: what is the longest marriage that u know to end in divorce

:salute: