I just dont know whats going on with me. I have talked to this guy from the web for some months and we have turned out to click very good together. We have the same ideas about life and have many similarities.
He suggested that we should meet and flew over from my neighbour country just to meet me. Mind it that I had not sent any picture of me so he came all the way to meet the girl he was fascinated by though he had not seen her!!!
It went really really good. We had so much fun and had some great laughs. Don’t remember when I have had such a good time!
After that we talked really a lot, on MSN, sms and phone! Then we met again 3 weeks later and spent more time together and even much more fun. He is so cute and innocent I think. So funny and caring. And on the top of it he is really religious in a positive way!He respects me as the person I am and has really a lot of self respect not to go over the limits he believe in. I really don’t think one can find such guys anymore and he seems like a dream sometimes!
We have both graduated and working in professional settings. Still we have talked over MSN for hours at work and then later found out that we are both lacking behind in the work. We both decided not to talk in work hours and talk after work, though not over MSN as we wont be online in the evenings.
So now we sms in the evenings and talk over phone once in a while but I still miss talking to him over MSN in day hours and cant concentrate on work. I think about him all the time and want his attention all the time. I get irritated when he doesn’t give me that attention cuz of work. And when we sms after work I feel like not responding to ‘punish’ him for not talking to me in the day hours.
Uffff, I don’t know what is wrong with me……
You're very attached to him..and I bet he's attached to you...if you want to build a realtionship with him I suggest you spend more time toegther in REAL life..not fone or MSN...and if it's somethign real then i don;t think either of your woudl have a problem telling your folks about the other...that's a sure fire way of knowing if you're both serious about each other.
That’s hard LB..with every relationship you have expectations..even if you have an arranged marriage you have a set of expectations that a woman has of her hubby…even somethign as simple as going to buy a car has expectations in terms of service from the sales person and the quality of the car you’re investing it.
For a reality check meet the guy in real life..knwo who his pals are and how they talk about him..his mom dad, family cousins…
Well, he has been talking marriage reffering to that we should give each other time and meet more often in real life. I might get a transfer through my job to his city and then we have better chances to spend more time with each other.
He has been showing pictures of him family already and told his sis about me who wants to meet me. He wants to meet my sis. I guess he is showing that he is very serious.
I don’t doubt his sincerity and that is what is surprising me. Cuz usually I am always doubting a guy when he approaches me. This guy is really down to earth and loves to enjoy small things rather that talking about big issues and expect happiness from it.
And yes my level of expectations is very high which he already noticed and said that he is not perfect and that I might get disappointed if we get married and I have so high expectations to him.
It scares me when he says that.
I think I am just missing him. And I am not able to tell him that I miss cuz we still have this distance between us that we dont openly talk about how we feel for each other.
Chameli...this part scares me "I don't doubt his sincerity"...in all honesty my dear I speak from past experience and unless you have it written in stone that h;e's marrying you you cannot believe him..I don't care how religious he is...guys use "marriage" as the initial ploy....
That part about notbeing perfect for you and being disappointed..I hate that part...I mean it's pathetic to say that...it's different to admit your faults and then improve yourself but another to say "ohh I'm not good enough..I won't make you happy.." thats the best argument guys use to break up with you later.
Hmmmm ..well I have 1 past experience where the guy was much more like the kind u r describing.
But not many guys use marriage as an excuse to meet a girl they havent seen at all and pay an airplane ticket to get to her city to meet her. Then he could just meet girls in his own country.
And all that time that we spent togehter he could have tried to do what guys usually do excusing it with marriage on way. But he didnt do anything like that.
Well if u dont have parents who are thinking about ur marriage cuz they want u to stay single untill ur 5 yrs younger bro wants to settle down and get married and they use u for that purpose, yaani ke they think u control him better and therefore its best for u to stay single and live with them untill he is married. In such a scenario, the girl is allowed to find her hubby herself as she doesnt have any other adults who will or can help her in that.
Remember that islam is flexible in different situations and that it is in an ideal scenraio that a girl can wait till her walis introduce her to a good match. If the walis are not even close to understanding islam, there is no use of handing over ur life to them!!!
I would definately recommend that you guys just give youself some time and space as well. I think the best would be if you could spend time in person but with the different cities and things thats hard. But just give yourself space and time....yeah intially when you come off the constant talking and calling its hard and you miss it all so much. But if you want something with this guy long term, then just take ur time. Thats not to say it will get easier for you, if this is really something special the time and space will only reaffirm that... The internet is a heady experience when it comes to making a connection..because you can just be yourself without any restrctions and other things getting in the way... but thats really not how life is afterwards when you live together... Only reason I am saying be cautious is becaue I have seen so many 'online marraiges/loves' that are goign great but I have seeen alot more that went sour...
you gotta spend more time with him in real life. Right now you're talking - you gotta see his actions as well. Actions speak louder than words. The two of you might be saying "yeah, this is my personality, this is how i would react to x situation, these are my thoughts on things"...but until you see him in action - how he reacts to situations in life, how he manages his problems, how he treats people (family and strangers), etc...you'll only have an incomplete picture of him.
But then again, arranged marriages are all about entering in with an incomplete picture.
Its normal to be attached to someone, I'm on the phone almost 24/7, its crazy but I cant seem to hangup. Time flys really fast, and he takes me with him everywhere and so do I. This is what happens when you live far from each other.
your parents always think the best for you. They care for you. You might not agree with them but that still does not make them wrong. You owe your very exsitence in this world to them so it makes complete sense for them to have total control of your life. Twist it however you may but in the end it is haraam to talk to namehrams. Even right now i’m risking hellfire for writing this post directed towards you but im willing to take that risk to show you thre right path.
