My grandmother gave me advise that whenever you enter into a martial relationship. There is nothing more a man needs is respect. If you respect him and care about him he will love and care for you.
So I genuinely took this advise and applied on my husband. I must say i truly see him going out of his way to do anything for me.
On the related note, we went to dawat about a month ago and happened to meet my acquaintance whom i knew her from College here. As we were chatting, we were talking about treating your husband with respect in general.
According to her, it's OK to curse or talk like "TUU" to her husband. She did says it upsets her husband but she clearly says she doesn't care.
So what is respecting your husband/wife means to you?
do men ever get told to respect their spouses? why is this only for a wife to do? Goes both ways I say
and tbh, there is no pride in saying "as a wife I respected my husband" when in turn you only get disrespect. That is not respecting a spouse, that is called being a pushover.
I remember about 20 years ago, coming onto this very forum and talking about the same stuff (before I get married), to me it's hilarious, that in 20 years, nothing has changed. Us females are having the same conversations, the same mentality.
We need to grow up and start respecting ourselves. Period
What is the big deal here, OP? Let's put nani/dadi aside for a minute. Were you not taught in your childhood.................wayyyyyy before you even got a husband.........that you have to respect EVERYONE (not just pati-dev)...??? Your parents and teachers and many other people modeled for you what respect looks like. And you must have learned through various experiences that most* of the time if you treat people (not just pati-dev) with respect........you will get respect in return. Yes, there are exceptions where sometimes you are treated like crap by someone you believe you only did good by. And there are husbands in this world who treat their respectful wives like a shoe. But point is......let's put the husband aside........there's nothing novel about this. Respect is a two way street and generally you will earn it if you give it.
@sonnykuri you do remember your guy is just a normal human being right? Sometimes it seems you worship him too much, especially after you the two of you cheated on his wife, calm down. I sense insecurity. Why is that? Or are you a relationship guru when it comes to hubby and in-laws?
Lack of respect, negativity, taking each other for granted, criticism etc will hurt relationships, There is a 1:10 rule, every time you do something bad you take away 10 good things you did.
taking care of yourself is important also, if you let yourself go, not groom or look nice for your man than just respect won’t cut it.
there has to be balance also as we don’t value things we get easy so sometimes there has to be nakhra and demands and need to demand respect in return
in the end no two relationships are same and people need ways to keep the fire going
@sonnykuri If your husband fulfils his obligations, looks after you, gives due importance to your views and pays attention to your emotional and physical needs, then you are lucky to have a husband who is worthy of your respect.
You made very valid point. Respect goes both ways. i couldn’t agree with you more. I am talking from the standpoint where and if your Husband respects you. Not otherwise.
lol@worship him. So loving and respecting your husband is worshiping to you? Islam allows him to have 4 wives at one time. So even if he was in relationship with her, courting me or choosing me to be his 2nd wife is not cheating. Heck i even tell my husband that he is FREE to marry another girl if he wants. When he was in with his ex wife, I also told him to keep his first wife too should he wishes. So i do not have any insecurities.
I think as everyone said..respect goes both ways!. If i want to be respected..i must respect my wife first. And of course..this could apply other way around as well. Problem is that..some of the Men folks lost credibility to be a Man.
This not to say..Women aren't at fault as well. Bottom line is to respect each other's boundaries. And know that..we all are created differently..so respect that notion..
This is the best advice anyone could give. Personally, I believe, in a relationship, respect is much more important than love. This part of my personality is developed by my grandmother as well.
When one starts going into the nitty gritty of who should start giving respect first, the case is lost already.
So I have always argued that respect needs to be earned and there are expectations, If someone has BO, bad oral hygiene is lazy, rude etc would they be deserving of respect.
very funny doppleganger..u seem like my father …:D…
Finally …1:10 rule… Now I finally understand when my husband says “falana falana(my name) it doesnt matter what u did now, its the same as that thing u did two years ago:D:D” …Ohh …for the first time in my life I keep repeating a movie dialogue new tapsi pannu “Ek thappad se mujhe sb yad aa jata hai” turns out it isnt true for me but very real for my hysband…:p… falana falana why did u not pick up the phone..falana falana why are u crying… falana falana dont cry I get angry if u cry…I do a thing and god do I take 10 things away… seems unfair but must be true…
as for respect… its all typical Indian husband wife stuff but sometimes when his head is out… it is out… i guess it boils down whom u married… my husband is a saint 99% of the days but that 1%( ek thppad se unhe sb yad aa jata hai( he never says exactly this but I think thats what he feels)…and respect is one thing but I would say always stand up for urself…
I do a lot of things by the book .. but really its abt who u r with… people often say u can change somebody’s nature.. no u cant ..u either cope or u leave.. there is no such thing as respecting somebody enough and they will respect u back not everybody is built the same way…
so first step:- get a good partner 2nd:- do as u please :o
@jeans yes you can’t change nature but the punishment reward cycle changes behaviour, as soon as the Indian man here finds out that slapping wife will mean jail and women have rights, their behaviours change in a hurry.
Here a man needs to compete for his wife everyday if he ignores her she can leave him
