me and my husband, we fight most of the time..its because differences of nature.. there are a couple of behavior..acts… I wanted to see in my husband.. but he isn’t at all like that.. I find him opposing me most of the time.. but… when we fight.. when he gets angry over me, when he doesn’t talk to me.. when he is not around me.. When I know he is angry … it feels like.. I can’t breathe.. I can’t live without him, I can’t leave him… the feeling and fear of getting away from him takes me to the hell… seems I will die soon… I “Ishq” him so much..
Don’t know, why it happens, none of us want to fight.. but we do… what is this…is there MY problem?? WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!
How long have you been married ? Was it love or arranged marriage ? What are the fights about ? Who initiate the peace process ?
How intense are the fights ? What is said during those fights ? How do they start ? How do the end ?
Are you just renting or you need help ? If you are ranting it is fine if you need help then answer those questions first.
its been now more than 2 years, its love marriage, fights have very very small issues but they turn huge.. sometimes I and sometimes He initiates peace..fights sometimes get intensed.. ofcourse, nothing good is said.. I never shout.. I just try to explain him.. when I am quiet..he asks me to speak.. when I am speaking he says you are arguing..I dont know what to do and how to tackle this!! we realise the fight is now started in the Middle of the fight.. it ends with no good mood, both of us get quite.. the next day, we start talking.. sometimes with NO sorries.. he never initiated when he was here, now he is not here.. so sometimes.. thinking i am living here alone without him, he initiates!!
I am serious!
OK , now give some details about the last two fights , what were they about ? What was said , who said what ?
I am asking all these questions to drive you to see if they are fights or they are just miscommunication at its best.
There are very very few couples who have perfect compatability and complete agreement over each and every itsy bitsy issue of life. Every two people have differences of opinion but it seems that you both don't know where to draw the line b/w talking, explaining and arguing. The best approach to a lot of things is being quiet. Nodding and going quiet and to tell the next person ok, we'd see...then change the topic. If he's scolding you over something you think you weren't wrong about even then for the initial moment just stay quiet.
Your husband would obviously realise after 5 minutes he was a bit harsh to you and he'd calm down. Later in the night or the next day when you both seem to be getting along fine you could say 'about the xyz issue I completely agree with what you were saying, but I was also thinking we could do this too.' Then give your stance. Believe me it would make hell of a difference.
One person has to keep a check on their temper otherwise each time a minor thing too can turn into a huge mess. Don't worry IA everything would be ok. You both are in love clearly..and love is strong enough to pull either of the couple back at the end :)
he is not from the ones, who backdown.. I know him very much!! May there be techniques to handle such men.. but I am not at all that clever.. I feel, what I am, I am, what you are..show it! I dont like to run zig zag!!
he is not from the ones, who backdown.. I know him very much!! May there be techniques to handle such men.. but I am not at all that clever.. I feel, what I am, I am, what you are..show it! I dont like to run zig zag!!
since you haven't tried, how can you tell? **most men are 'paper tigers'. they are as brave as you let them****
don't think you are alone, there are options available to you.**
**vo kaise? aji, aap nahiiN jaantiiN k mard kii Khaslat kia hotii hai. maiN ne bahot se rang dekhe haiN…**mard ZER ho jaataa hai kabhii aurat ke pyaar se, kabhi uske Ghazab se to kabhi maslaHat ke taHet.
when two tough nuts would collide it would hurt both of them equally. if the bigger tough nut goes collide in a softball, neither would get hurt and the tough nut would lose it’s momentum and slow down. The soft ball won’t lose its shape, elasticity, or its properties (in short its own personality/worth)..its value would remain the same. Aaah analogy of laws of physics…I hope you are getting what I mean
vo kaise? aji, aap nahiiN jaantiiN k mard kii Khaslat kia hotii hai. maiN ne bahot se rang dekhe haiN...mard ZER ho jaataa hai kabhii aurat ke pyaar se, kabhi uske Ghazab se to kabhi maslaHat ke taHet.
maslehat and pyar work the best when the man is in ghazab. And staying quiet and showing you are not happy can do much more wonders than going on with the tu-tu mai-mai . :)
OK , now give some details about the last two fights , what were they about ? What was said , who said what ?
I am asking all these questions to drive you to see if they are fights or they are just miscommunication at its best.
seriously, its huge detail...... you cant read such a long stories.. and stupid fights!!
There are very very few couples who have perfect compatability and complete agreement over each and every itsy bitsy issue of life. Every two people have differences of opinion but it seems that you both don't know where to draw the line b/w talking, explaining and arguing.
Hmm..good point
The best approach to a lot of things is being quiet. Nodding and going quiet and to tell the next person ok, we'd see...then change the topic.
He doesnt let me change the topic, i have tried it almost everytime, he says, you are running away, he doesnt want me to be quiet either! he says, SPEAK!
If he's scolding you over something you think you weren't wrong about even then for the initial moment just stay quiet.
Your husband would obviously realise after 5 minutes he was a bit harsh to you and he'd calm down. Later in the night or the next day when you both seem to be getting along fine you could say 'about the xyz issue I completely agree with what you were saying, but I was also thinking we could do this too.' Then give your stance. Believe me it would make hell of a difference.
He doesnt like repeatition.. the next day, trying to explain the same thing!! he says, means, all my efforts (of making you understand last night) gone in trash!! you didnt understand a single point and still stuck on your own, and here starts the other fight!!
One person has to keep a check on their temper otherwise each time a minor thing too can turn into a huge mess. Don't worry IA everything would be ok. You both are in love clearly..and love is strong enough to pull either of the couple back at the end
maslehat and pyar work the best when the man is in ghazab. And staying quiet and showing you are not happy can do much more wonders than going on with the tu-tu mai-mai . :)
**i think, women must have to be economically more independent and emotionally more stable. some men take advantage of that and abuse women.
how about she asks close family members from both sides to get together and try to mediate if the situation is grave.
***mediation is the Islamic way to settle a dispute between couples!*
seriously, its huge detail...... you cant read such a long stories.. and stupid fights!!
Try me . If you are not comfortable sharing it here send me that long PM. I like to help your sort it out and get it out of your system. In your PM do tell me how old you and your husband are .
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fights have very very small issues but they turn huge
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doesn't seem the situation is very grave to be honest. Involving the family would only unravel more problems. It seems more of an issue of misunderstanding and both the partners not being able to find a middle ground in a calm way. Emotional stability is best shown when the next person knows when to keep their temper in check. If one of them keeps firing off on the minutest of issues their ghussa, ghazab and narazgi wont make any difference if something big happens God forbid. More like the 'sher aya' story and when the sher does come in real nobody believes the guy and he loses everything in the end .
^ I would never like the issues between us, to be discussed among anyone else!!
well, somethings you can NOT settle with your 'foe' ... you need mediation or else you may have to 'deal with it' yourself and be miserable. what i said is the islamic way of settling disputes and Allah knows us better than we know ourselves.
since you haven't tried, how can you tell? **most men are 'paper tigers'. they are as brave as you let them****
don't think you are alone, there are options available to you.**
but kkk there are men that have the ability to stick with their own point regardless of if the woman gives logical, practical reasons for her side of the issue. how is one supposed to handle such situations where the other is a bully.
just relax …and pray! It would IA be all smooth soon.