what is my problem....?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: what is my problem…?

we are not that young!! i am in my mid twenties and he in early 30s!!

22

Re: what is my problem....?

There is a much bigger problem here which isn't just you or him. Maybe the lack of communication? or understanding? or care? I'm not sure what it could be, that's for you to judge.

Also, never NOT apologize. If you know you said things for which there was no need. Sometimes to bring his anger down, apologize on his behalf, and than exaplin to him with love what bothered you.

Also, I think you two should set ground rules. THIS IS MAJOR.

Let me share my example, when we fight after about 20 mins of aruging and "talking" he would become so jizbathi (sp?) while I would become a total b**** face. So clearly we needed ground rules. So our 1 simple rule is that the second one of us turns into our ugly self we STOP the fight and tell the other person to relax ( so either him stop the jizbathi-ness or me stop being such a B-face).

What ever you do which pisses him off, stop doing it. And he should do the same.

23

Re: what is my problem....?

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And why are you only focusing on what YOUR problem might be? Takes two to make a relationship. I think you should tell him that "Lately, we've been having many arguments and there's a lot of tension that isn't healthy for our marriage. So, let's find calmer ways to deal with conflicts." Do what Gaia suggested. Apologize to him for your own mistakes.....and set ground rules together.

24

Re: what is my problem....?

marriage!

25

Re: what is my problem....?

I dont regret Hareem, I am too happy to be with him, fighting doesnt mean I am regretting! its just, I want to know where I can control!! I am loving to be bound in such a beautiful relationship! Still!

26

Re: what is my problem....?

I'm finding it very hard to understand what you're saying. :-\

I'll just say good luck with your issues. Where there is a will there is a way. :)

27

Re: what is my problem....?

In general, I am a major proponent of healthy arguments. I am not one of those people who shy away from a fight. However, this does not mean to argue for the sake of argument. Also, post Nikah, we got into two or three pretty major arguments. We each saw an "ugly" side of the other in those. But the trick is to reign in when that happens.

Now generally I find it difficult to reign myself in when the person I am arguing with tells me to. So I had to do the restraining myself. I learned to be quiet and let my emotions get under control. Or if I couldnt manage that, I learned to walk out and cool off. Men generally prefer doing this themselves, women have a tough time retreating into a cave and getting under control. So he would hush up himself and I would work on being quiet when things got out of hand and then walk out to give us both space.

Always be ready to admit wrong behaviour and own upto it when you are dealing with your significant other. There is and should be no room for ego in this particular relationship. Always try to think long term. My SO has the sort of personality where he will take things to heart and hurt will fester for a long time. Whereas for me, things I say in anger are forgotten soon as I get them out of my system, ie voice them. I had to learn to recognise that while I might not mean what I say in anger and forget it, he may remain hurt by that for longer than I remember saying it. So it's better not to say it.

You cant take back words once they are said. It's best to weigh your words in that case. It is a difficult thing to do when emotions are running high. But I found repeating a mantra to myself that this is the person I am spending my life with, this is the person I vow to love and do love, helps in controlling my emotions to spare his feelings.

Since you obviously love him, use this mantra as a source of strength to draw from when you are battling your tongue and anger

28

Re: what is my problem....?

No what I meant was that it's all part of a marriage....not always, but for some couples it works like that. Personally, I don't see any major problems in your relationship, but to avoid the conflict sometimes it's better if you just stay quiet when he starts arguing, it will calm him down.

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Re: what is my problem…?

when I am quiet.. he says… SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAKKKKKK :smack: :smack2: