How is cheating on ones wife/husband defined. Is it just a matter of sexual intercourse or is cheating defined by emotional attachment??
I ask because I know that my husband that I have been with for 13 years and have two daughters with has been seeing other women… My heart is truly broken and I can feel the ache. May Allah (swt) give me strength to deal with this pain. I am powerless and broken.
Romantical and/or physical involvement with a person other than your spouse is cheating.
What is cheating??
I have heard him say he misses her, he was thinking about her all night (whilst he was sleeping with me) etc. but when I confronted him he says that I misheard him and that if he was seeing someone he would tell me to my face as he is only with me because of our daughters....
He is definitely blunt and honest with you.
He might be in love with someone, but as long as its just a feeling and nothing more, then its not cheating. It's still bad and hurtful, but not cheating.
Re: What is cheating??
are you looking for a 'legal' definition or Islamic definition? legal definition entails all kinds of cheating, be it physical, emotional, financial, societal, mental etc
Islamically, any relationship with a naa maHram woman that you would hide from your wife and children and the extended family is NOT allowed in Islam to begin with....the question of physical and/emotional association wuith a naa maHram is outta question.
Re: What is cheating??
He is definitely blunt and honest with you.
He might be in love with someone, but as long as its just a feeling and nothing more, then*** its not cheating***. It's still bad and hurtful, but not cheating.
Of course it is cheating. Emotional (as in romantic) and/or physical involvement with anyone other than the person you are married to is cheating. If her husband is telling his mistress (or ex-mistress or whatever the case may be) that he misses her and thinks of her all night that implies that they had a relationship and were emotionally involved at some point, which is cheating. The fact that his mistress continues to speak to him despite likely knowing that he is married (as the OP says she heard him speaking to her) implies that the feeling is mutual. How is that not cheating?
If her husband was in love with a woman but the woman was oblivious to it, did not feel the same and was never romantically involved with him, then I would agree that it is just a feeling and nothing more and not cheating. However, it does not sound as if that's the case here.
^ Did you even read my first post? :(
Re: What is cheating??
^I read and even liked your first post. It's your second post that I disagreed with.
Re: What is cheating??
He is definitely blunt and honest with you.
He might be in love with someone, but as long as its just a feeling and nothing more, then its not cheating. It's still bad and hurtful, but not cheating.
You don't think being in "love" with someone else is a big deal? I do.
I don't see it as "just a feeling and nothing more" ....cuz people don't approve of their spouses maintaining even very close "friendships" with the opposite gender......let alone a declaration of "love" ...which is a sentiment that goes beyond friendship.
I'm not trying to turn this into a gender war, but I doubt many husbands would be okay if their wives were "in love" with another man.
Cheating is basically a deception. Even if sex is not involved, if a guy is going to lie to his wife about the significant amount of time and and emotional energy that he is spending with another woman....then I consider such lies or deception cheating. We all have a moral compass within us. That said a guy knows deep down within his conscience that the nature of his conversations and his feelings are veering off to a more romantic side. And he knows deep down within him that chatting for hours on end with another female is the kinda time and energy I should be investing in my wife. And that goes for the womenfolk too.
I guess I'm more rigid....or even anal.....when it comes to this. Things need not progress to sex or even dating for me to see it as cheating.
Re: What is cheating??
I have heard him say he misses her, he was thinking about her all night (whilst he was sleeping with me) etc. but when I confronted him he says that I misheard him and that if he was seeing someone he would tell me to my face as he is only with me because of our daughters....
Maybe there's the off-chance that the OP didn't hear correctly or the husband was mumbling in his sleep. But if neither was the case and the husband was actually sputtering "miss/love you's" to a female that ain't his mom, his sister, daughter, a behn-like female....I am amazed at his stupidity. Usually I avoid saying mean things about the husbands discussed in the Life 1 threads....but this time I don't feel so tactful. I'm more disturbed than impressed by your husband's bluntness. Where'd you find such a gem? I hope Allah makes it easier for you.
I said it's bad and hurtful but it's not cheating.
Re: What is cheating??
If her husband was in love with a woman but the woman was oblivious to it, did not feel the same and was never romantically involved with him, then I would agree that it is just a feeling and nothing more and not cheating.
I don't even care if the "other woman" is oblivious to the husband's feelings or even if she has no idea that he's married. I also don't care if she doesn't reciprocate his romantic sentiments. That's like exempting the husband from responsibility by basing things solely on the other woman's actions.
Even if the other woman doesn't reciprocate the interest or is oblivious to his feelings and to his being married........the fact that husband is fully aware of his own romantic feelings/interest and yet he continues to act upon them....is cheating in my eyes. Even if the other woman comes on to him, throws herself at him.....and he gives in....it's cheating. It's your spouse's actions and reactions that should carry more weight......not so much that of the other woman's.
Re: What is cheating??
what if wifeyji is drooling over salman khan on TV? or on Christian Grey inside her head?
Re: What is cheating??
^ Then Salman Khan's wife would think that he is cheating.
Re: What is cheating??
are you looking for a 'legal' definition or Islamic definition? legal definition entails all kinds of cheating, be it physical, emotional, financial, societal, mental etc
Islamically, any relationship with a naa maHram woman that you would hide from your wife and children and the extended family is NOT allowed in Islam to begin with....the question of physical and/emotional association wuith a naa maHram is outta question.
Fakhta then explain this hadith to me, Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.
'The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)' of Sahih Muslim. 3240
Re: What is cheating??
OR someone you love/hold dear from a past relationship 
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here we go again. Aray wo iss thread se bhee bhaag jaye gaa
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no..that was a serious response...had nothing to do with anything. =\
seriously :(
Re: What is cheating??
I don't even care if the "other woman" is oblivious to the husband's feelings or even if she has no idea that he's married. I also don't care if she doesn't reciprocate his romantic sentiments. That's like exempting the husband from responsibility by basing things solely on the other woman's actions.
Even if the other woman doesn't reciprocate the interest or is oblivious to his feelings and to his being married........the fact that husband is fully aware of his own romantic feelings/interest and yet he continues to act upon them....is cheating in my eyes. Even if the other woman comes on to him, throws herself at him.....and he gives in....it's cheating. It's your spouse's actions and reactions that should carry more weight......not so much that of the other woman's.
RV, I was referring to a situation in which the husband is interested in another woman but does not make it known to the other woman and does not act on his feelings but simply keeps it to himself. While still morally questionable, I would not place something like that on the same level as cheating as cheating requires two people.
The reason I brought this up was that this clearly is not the case in the OP's situation. If her husband is speaking to the other woman and telling her how much he misses her and thinks of her all night, it is rather obvious that there is a mutual relationship there, and therefore constitutes cheating.
Re: What is cheating??
RV, I was referring to a situation in which the husband is interested in another woman but does not make it known to the other woman and does not act on his feelings but simply keeps it to himself. While still morally questionable, I wouldn't put it on the same level as cheating as cheating requires two people.
Mezghan, I don't think I ever said that I view it as cheating if the guy keeps the feelings to himself and doesn't act on them. But if you even find "keeping it to yourself" morally questionable.......then what do you think of the case where the guy does act on his feelings even if they are not reciprocated by the other woman? Maybe he unnecessarily talks to her...and does it often. Maybe she has made it clear to him that she's not interested, but he wants to keep her as a "friend" and spends significant amount of time with her. Is he not being unjust to his wife? If you don't consider it to be full-blown cheating, is it still not a form of cheating ...or cheating to a degree? Cheating entails deception....and do you think the guy would want his wife to know about such actions of his? No. He would most likely try to lie...or cover-up ...the concealing is as deliberate as his unnecessary and persistent contact with the other woman. You may consider it as a lesser form of cheating...but I still see it as cheating. Or should it be called infidelity? Infidelity can be open or discreet, admitted or denied. I don't think infidelity requires two people....one person acting on their emotions is enough.
Now let's say that a married man intends to go after another woman. It may take him some time and effort before he manages to "win" her over. So, would u say that unless the other woman reciprocates, his actions cannot be termed cheating/infidelity? I don't care if she refuses to give him the time of day. The fact that he is deliberately seeking out this woman behind his wife's back does not reflect fidelity to his wife or the marriage. Infidelity need not require two people, one is sufficient.