Mezghan, I don't think I ever said that I view it as cheating if the guy keeps the feelings to himself and doesn't act on them.
RV, I never suggested that you said this or hold this view. I already stated that I think that what the OP's husband is doing most definitely constitutes cheating. My comment, which you have quoted above, was in reference to what TLK stated about "it's just a feeling and nothing more." I made my comment to exemplify a situation in which it really is just a feeling and nothing more and make the point that this is definitely not the case with what the OP is describing.
Uff, Mezghan.....I already know that you believe the OP's husband to be cheating. We're on the same page with that. I just disagreed with your stance that cheating/infidelity requires two people. I believe one person acting out on their feelings is sufficient for it fall under infidelity.
if someone is sharing himself/herself emotionally, romantically or physically with someone else other than the spouse then that comes under cheating irrespective of the fact that one is honest or blunt enough to admit this to the spouse. it still comes under cheating.
Salam
Please ask yourself this question.
What will you do in such a situation that will make Allah happy with you?
What can you do that will make your husband happy?
Pick one of the following:
1 ask him to either leave her or leave you.
2. Tell him its sinful to have an affair like this and if he can remain just. You can allow him 2nd marriage.
3. Shoot other other Lady.then shoot him.
4. Keep confronting him to leave her .hoping he might listen to you.
He has left me and my two innocent daughters for the other woman ....... I'm broken and destroyed to the core . May Allah (swt) protect me and my daughters.
There is no point in answering this question now ... as it has happened :( ... things like this do happen sometimes ... I hope noorqt you find solace and May Allah (SWT) indeed provide you and family with all you need to cope and live on happily.
We need to prepare for the challenges that life throws at us ... we are so unequipped to deal with our own selves in this day and age ... we think we are so progressed but we have forgotten the past wisdoms ... The first things we need to embark upon is understanding responsibility, establish secure principles and how to avoid conforming to our desires - or else we become slaves to them.
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
I'm so sorry noorqt. May Allah make this trial easy for you. Just remember it's all a trial from Allah - try to remember Allah and do shukr for your beautiful daughters He has blessed you with. Allah Hears the prayers of believers and you will find comfort in remembering Him. If you ever need to cry, do it on a prayer mat. That man is not worth your tears. Pray Allah grants you what is best for you.
everything there is to do in life! everything in the whole wide world!
please don't be so despondent. if there is still a chance of proper / fair reconciliation, by all means go ahead and grab it
but if not then treat this as a big bump in your life that makes you question the status quo and makes you set your priorities best suited for you and your kids
How is cheating on ones wife/husband defined. Is it just a matter of sexual intercourse or is cheating defined by emotional attachment??
I ask because I know that my husband that I have been with for 13 years and have two daughters with has been seeing other women..... My heart is truly broken and I can feel the ache. May Allah (swt) give me strength to deal with this pain. I am powerless and broken.
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
I am sooooo sorry for you. I have a "friend" that is currently the homewrecker in a situation with a guy who has a kid/wife a few states away while he's in school. I've been trying to get this across to her--exactly how you're feeling now. And she's not listening. There are crappy people out there, and I'm sorry that you had to go through it. It sounds ridiculous to say it now, but it's probably for the best. You don't want your kids growing up in a house where they see that--and trust me, kids pick up on nuances like that real quick.
May Allah give you sabr and bless you with something 23209830 x better. Hugs.
I would say both. Emotional attachment and a sexual relationship both fall under cheating for me. The former can lead to the latter. And sometimes the latter can lead to the former. I think it's strange when people say, "But I didn't sleep with him/her." So what? You spent time and emotional energy in another person that only your spouse is the haq-daar of. People have a moral compass within them and they can certainly tell if they are starting to feel a little bit differently or funnily toward someone not their spouse...you are able to tell when you are spending less time on your spouse and more time on another person. I also don't get the excuse, "But it was only sex, I didn't have feelings for him/her." You certainly didn't have "enough" feelings of love or regard for your spouse when you decided to open your legs to another person.
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
So sorry to hear that dear, hugs!!! Stay strong for your daughters! Allah swt will take care of you and them and will punish your husband too. Like someone else mentioned you have the whole wide world in front of you...don't give up.
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
What are you to do? You realize that nazar ka dhoka hogaya jo ainda nahin hoga and move on. He was not your life partner...if he was that place would not be empty.
I know you'll be hurt, empty and feel terrible for a while. But you will eventually get out of it too. And when you do, you'll realize that what you felt was not love.
Jab koi kisi ke saat burai karta hai...to remember...Allah swt is not sleeping. He is watching, waiting and knows what he's doing.
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
Don't wait for him to understand the hurt you feel. Don't wait for him to develop ehsaas. Don't wait around wondering when this will happen because you don't control his heart much less his aqal. Move forward with your life. Take care of your daughters, your home, your job, and most importantly continue praying. Sometimes when we so defiantly and stubbornly turn away from Allah and His orders, He gives us time to continue doing wrong deeds...like letting us go...so the person thinks they are "azaad" until the day they are seized and rather forcefully.
Fakhta then explain this hadith to me, Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.
'The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)' of Sahih Muslim. 3240
Ignore the post below. It is not appropriate given what the OP is going through.
3240:
"**The woman* advances and retires in the shape of a devil*, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart."
What in the world!!? how misogynistic is that!
This makes more sense (assuming consent, of course); 3242:
"Jabir heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels."
I love him so much ..... I wish he would understand the hurt I feel. What am I to do with the rest of my life, without my life partner who let go of my hand.
sorry about what you're going through. stop thinking about him, it's not worth loving someone who isn't loyal to you, betrays and leaves you. no need to be sad for such a cheating loser. stay strong. i know its easier said than done but you have to try, for the sake of your daughter.