you get married to someone (arranged marriage) and after the marriage you realize that you both are not compatible with each other,and not each other’s types?
Re: What if
If I know someone in this suitation and I think the differences can eventually be sorted out between them two over a period of time, then I would suggest to give the marriage your all and find a way to accept eachother because marriage is something that should be taken more seriously than just a chance that you may or may not get along with someone.
Waterfall99 - if you are taking about a particular couple, how long have they been married for after which they thought they were not compatible with eachother? What are the differences they are facing?
:)
Re: What if
^^ agreed
and if you have doubts about compatibility you should atleast be smart enough not to have kidz with this partner for some time. Get to know each other well first and then proceed with that stuff as it would be too hard and complicated after kids. A lot of people stay in miserable relationships just because of their children.
Our parents generations , mostly men and women used to have arranged marriages and hardly did we hear anything about not being compatible ..
Every couple has its own compatibility issues for the first few years in a marriage ... it needs a lot of sacrifice and conscious effort to make it work ... from both sides , i.e the husband and the wife .. sometimes the wives have to try harder to make it work ...
I suggest couples in arranged marriages should explore each other and give it time , after a few years when both develop an understanding , life gets better ...
LOL, like 99% of the people wake up after marriage and realises the spouse is not their type… but dude, they only have one option… working out, in worst case, working their ways out 
Our parents generations , mostly men and women used to have arranged marriages and hardly did we hear anything about not being compatible ..
I suggest couples in arranged marriages should explore each other and give it time , after a few years when both develop an understanding , life gets better ...
Lol Biryani you make marriage sound like a chore, wonderful. Biryani our parents try to convince us arrange marriages are the way to go (yeah this when they are not squabbling and flinging insults at each other). Our generation is still feeling the ripples.
Waterfall I love your threads, they strike home, are thought provoking and original.
The relationship should be given a chance to blossom. Try to overcome the issues. If you can’t iron out the differences then it’s best to find happiness elsewhere. Learn from your mistakes, so your future relationships can flourish.
A word of warning, there is no guarantee you will be happier on your own or with someone else.
LOL, like 99% of the people wake up after marriage and realises the spouse is not their type... but dude, they only have one option... working out, in worst case, working their ways out :P
Huh Chavy faints. The selection process must be a shambles then.
Are you suggesting we should tolerate their flatulence, spitting and frothing at the mouth whenever a barbie scampers by, no thanks, I rather catch a train to Guatanamo, I look nice in orange.
Waterfall I love your threads, they strike home, are thought provoking and original.
Thanks!:)
*Biryani our parents try to convince us arrange marriages are the way to go (yeah this when they are not squabbling and flinging insults at each other). Our generation is still feeling the ripples. *
*Lol Birayani you make marriage sound like a chore, wonderful. *
Waterfall I love your threads, they strike home, are thought provoking and original.
The relationship should be given a chance to blossom. Try to overcome the issues. If you can’t iron out the differences it’s best to find happiness elsewhere. Learn from your mistakes, so your future relationships can flourish.
A word of warning, there is no guarantee you will be happier on your own or with someone else.
Aray yaar ... this happens in the best of marriages not just in arranged marriages ... marriages dont come perfect , we make them near perfect with our actions and sacrifices ...
there are some unfortunate matches I agree, but eventually divorce is highly looked down upon in religion and it shouldnt be made a norm of the day to seek divorce so easily. unless you have genuine serious concerns in a marriage , one should try to secure it and learn ways to improve the relationship...
Compatible in what sense?
Re: What if
Waterfall...you try and make it work.
That is what I would do or try to do. If you are so different that things will NEVER work out between you two then the answer is obvious...you part ways.
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^ Agree with** Bonbonniere**! You just try your best to make things work. Divorce is allowed in Islam but it's used as a last resort. So, you put your best effort into making the marriage work. Someone once said that focusing on similarities bring us together whereas focusing only on differences will draw people further apart.
So, you focus on any similarities you have. Spend time with each other. Go out and watch a movie, go to a restaurant, theme park, picnic, shopping, traveling, etc. Often times, being in a **relaxing **setting bring people out of their shells and you learn more about their personality and there is more potential for bonding. We're so busy in stressful environments (work/job, at home, etc)......that it's nice to get away and chill.
You can also make the effort and try to engage in each others interests/hobbies.
And if you find that you have tried EVERYTHING.......and the relationships is going nowhere.......and if you find that the relationship is becoming DYSFUNCTIONAL.......then the solution is rather obvious........PART WAYS!
Then you dohatharh yourself in front of your parents for ruining your life.
No two people are ever completely compatible .
***Marriage is a sacred thing and part of maintaining its sanctity is trying to make it work ! It requires effort on both sides to face each others incompatibilities and admit that U won’t always agree on everything an then try to find some middle ground . ***
***Marriage is about living with each others incompatibilities not familiarities . ***
Having said that there are only few reasons where those incompatibilites are grounds for dissolving a marriage and other than that just not being each others “type” doesn’t cut it !
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^ Yes, good one sheyn and also one must remember to keep expectations as realistic as possible.
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Flexibility is one of the best features of human nature. Its not like trying to fit an AK47 bullet in a .45, people improvise, adapt and change. In worst cases, where there is no common ground, you go your separate ways.
Our parents generations , mostly men and women used to have arranged marriages and hardly did we hear anything about not being compatible ..
Every couple has its own compatibility issues for the first few years in a marriage ... it needs a lot of sacrifice and conscious effort to make it work ... from both sides , i.e the husband and the wife .. sometimes the wives have to try harder to make it work ...
I suggest couples in arranged marriages should explore each other and give it time , after a few years when both develop an understanding , life gets better ...
i agree
^^ agreed
and if you have doubts about compatibility you should atleast be smart enough not to have kidz with this partner for some time. Get to know each other well first and then proceed with that stuff as it would be too hard and complicated after kids. A lot of people stay in miserable relationships just because of their children.
exactly that's true!! I am agree with intoxicated!!!
Re: What if
work it out..
talk and do the things that you both like. There's gotta be stuff that two people can actually agree on and enjoy
first few years are always tough, arranged or not arranged... instead of butting heads together, talk about things that maybe you both can agree on