1,3 real problems. 4- my wife is going to stay home! 5-don't give rats behind about any body!
When mother says, 'main doodh nahin bakhshoongi. Nikal is ko ghar se.
Hai main mar jawaan, Is din ke liye tujhe Paala Tha?"
Then man start getting ideas.:(
.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
Marriage is a sacred relation.
Anyone who is involved must try to keep the dignity of this relation.
Women,as much they are emotional, they still never try to get divorce so easily.
The question is what will make you go to the point of leaving your life partner?
Just share your thoughts.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
if i was in such a position i would try my best to make it last solely because life is not about making a decision and then if things dint work out the way it was planned just quit, ya to pehlay he sort out everyfin and if u dint too bad give it a fair chance and sacrifice a lil bit of ur happiness.
Marriage is a sacred relation.
Anyone who is involved must try to keep the dignity of this relation.
Women,as much they are emotional, they still never try to get divorce so easily.
The question is what will make you go to the point of leaving your life partner?
Just share your thoughts.
Okay. I think this question is a little different than your original one.
So, what will be the last straw for me? If I don't find him attractive, I can work on it, divorcing him because he can't have kids is like tempting fate so that wouldn't be it, either. If he isn't educated (don't think I'll marry him on the first place but if I did) then I hope he is aware that there is an education gap and won't be expecting me to agree with things that he has no clue about. If I make more money than him and he loses his sleep over it, I can also work with that somehow but if he cheats, or abuses me. Then I'll leave without hesitation. And never look back.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
You will never know the answer to this until u are actually in the situation yourself. Then only u will know what to do, no one can make this decision in advance.
Okay. I think this question is a little different than your original one.
So, what will be the last straw for me? If I don't find him attractive, I can work on it, divorcing him because he can't have kids is like tempting fate so that wouldn't be it, either. If he isn't educated (don't think I'll marry him on the first place but if I did) then I hope he is aware that there is an education gap and won't be expecting me to agree with things that he has no clue about. If I make more money than him and he loses his sleep over it, I can also work with that somehow but if he cheats, or abuses me. Then I'll leave without hesitation. And never look back.
Yes cheating and abuses are terrible things to go through. For a man cheating is also a serious matter perhaps more than it is for woman.
But still couples do seem to manage through these hardships.
Wow thats a thought provoking topic. Well i hope to believe, though the current situation makes me not want to, that most people would do their best to save a marriage but at times there are things and people that can't be changed or accomodated. At that time its best to move on and its the most unfortunate thing to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of what others might think or say.
1- No physical or sexual attraction.
Thats actually a very tricky question. I just hope when you get comfortable with your husband the physical attraction would just kick in itself lol don't know how else it is suppose to happen. And in a case where there might not be any attraction than i guess it would create a big gap between the two which would at some point ruin things. But i think married people here would be better able to answer this question.
2- No intellectual harmony.
Thats something that strikes my mind every time i am asked what do you look to have in your partner. And everytime i get scared just thinking what if there is a huge difference between the intellect level. It is indeed a serious issue but i have seen people around me coping with it. So i guess it just takes time and you get use to it...but its still scary :(.
3- No ability to have children.
Aww thats really unfortunate :( Allah na karey aisey but yah it does get the mind twisted just thinking what should be done in a situation like that. One side says that where is the guarantee that if your current parnter is nt able 2 have a child that the other one wl be...?!? or placing yourself into this situation and thinking how would it make you feel being rejecting for no fault of yours? or how about just accept the will of Allah and going for adopting. And the other side says that everyone human being wants a child of their own, their own blood but is it worth divorcing or marrying again if everything else is going fine between the two. Again, very tough circumstances.
3a- You have problem.
What's that?
3b- He or she has problem.
What kind of a problem? Do you mean a disease or life taking illness. Well in such a situation it would be impossible to think of leaving your parnter or so i hope. Yes, it would be hard for you to think of your life alone but than i dont think anyone would be able to think of moving out of a marriage in such circumstances.
4- Lack of educational or financial harmony. She makes more money and you feel awkward. Like many well qualified engineers married to physician wives these days. Either engineers are laid off or earn very low.
Lack of education would be a no no for me because with lack of it wl come in alot of other factors. You got to think of your kid's future and the understanding level will most probably conflict. As for the wife making more money i am sure that is a big problem too and though i am a girl myself but i would be only comfortable if my guy earns more than me and thats that. But ofcourse one must work hard to be the sole earner and not think of getting rid of the wife just because of that. That would be unfair to the wife too and the wife should make an effort to make the husband as comfortable as possible so that he doesnt feel the difference that much.
5- Family pressure based on what mother or father says.
Well thats when the real men comes in...he should not turn a coward and hide behind the wife or his parents. He should be able to understand the situation and deal accordingly. And same for the women.
6- Make up the scenario. (open ended scenario)
If your husband doesnt respect you or your parents...
If your husband likes sitting at home and asking you to earn for the family...
If your husband abuses you...
...................................
However i really wish that couples nowadays give each other time and understanding other than just running off to divorce lawyers on small issues.
Wow thats a thought provoking topic. Well i hope to believe, though the current situation makes me not want to, that most people would do their best to save a marriage but at times there are things and people that can't be changed or accomodated. At that time its best to move on and its the most unfortunate thing to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of what others might think or say.
1- No physical or sexual attraction.
Thats actually a very tricky question. I just hope when you get comfortable with your husband the physical attraction would just kick in itself lol don't know how else it is suppose to happen. And in a case where there might not be any attraction than i guess it would create a big gap between the two which would at some point ruin things. But i think married people here would be better able to answer this question.
2- No intellectual harmony.
Thats something that strikes my mind every time i am asked what do you look to have in your partner. And everytime i get scared just thinking what if there is a huge difference between the intellect level. It is indeed a serious issue but i have seen people around me coping with it. So i guess it just takes time and you get use to it...but its still scary :(.
3- No ability to have children.
Aww thats really unfortunate :( Allah na karey aisey but yah it does get the mind twisted just thinking what should be done in a situation like that. One side says that where is the guarantee that if your current parnter is nt able 2 have a child that the other one wl be...?!? or placing yourself into this situation and thinking how would it make you feel being rejecting for no fault of yours? or how about just accept the will of Allah and going for adopting. And the other side says that everyone human being wants a child of their own, their own blood but is it worth divorcing or marrying again if everything else is going fine between the two. Again, very tough circumstances.
3a- You have problem.
What's that?
3b- He or she has problem.
What kind of a problem? Do you mean a disease or life taking illness. Well in such a situation it would be impossible to think of leaving your parnter or so i hope. Yes, it would be hard for you to think of your life alone but than i dont think anyone would be able to think of moving out of a marriage in such circumstances.
4- Lack of educational or financial harmony. She makes more money and you feel awkward. Like many well qualified engineers married to physician wives these days. Either engineers are laid off or earn very low.
Lack of education would be a no no for me because with lack of it wl come in alot of other factors. You got to think of your kid's future and the understanding level will most probably conflict. As for the wife making more money i am sure that is a big problem too and though i am a girl myself but i would be only comfortable if my guy earns more than me and thats that. But ofcourse one must work hard to be the sole earner and not think of getting rid of the wife just because of that. That would be unfair to the wife too and the wife should make an effort to make the husband as comfortable as possible so that he doesnt feel the difference that much.
5- Family pressure based on what mother or father says.
Well thats when the real men comes in...he should not turn a coward and hide behind the wife or his parents. He should be able to understand the situation and deal accordingly. And same for the women.
6- Make up the scenario. (open ended scenario)
If your husband doesnt respect you or your parents...
If your husband likes sitting at home and asking you to earn for the family...
If your husband abuses you...
...................................
However i really wish that couples nowadays give each other time and understanding other than just running off to divorce lawyers on small issues.
Good answers.
Let me clarify number 3.
Inability to have children.
3a due to problem in you
or
3b Problem in your partner
or maybe I should add.
3c You both are individually fine but are incompatible to have children. This happens too.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
thanx! and like i said its a tricky situation and i hope nobody has to face it in their life.
thanx! and like i said its a tricky situation and i hope nobody has to face it in their life.
So there is a chance you might think of separation in that situation?
I can understand it would be tough decision. Very tough.
So there is a chance you might think of separation in that situation?
I can understand it would be tough decision. Very tough.
You mean like God forbid if i get married to somebody with whom i am not able to have a kid but everything else is going fine between us, would i go for a divorce? cuz seperation wouldnt really serve any purpose...
Well God forbid anything like this shouldnt happen to anyone but i don't think i would be able to let go of a relationship because of that. But ofcourse it would be very hard as everyone wants to have a child of their own...their own blood but than there are things that happen with Allah's will and you can't challenge them but should accept them with a brave heart. And pray to Allah for a miracle or strength to cope up with such a situation.
You mean like God forbid if i get married to somebody with whom i am not able to have a kid but everything else is going fine between us, would i go for a divorce? cuz seperation wouldnt really serve any purpose...
Well God forbid anything like this shouldnt happen to anyone but i don't think i would be able to let go of a relationship because of that. But ofcourse it would be very hard as everyone wants to have a child of their own...their own blood but than there are things that happen with Allah's will and you can't challenge them but should accept them with a brave heart. And pray to Allah for a miracle or strength to cope up with such a situation.
Sorry I should have said divorce.
There are so many cases where many years after marriage a baby was born. I know a couple like that. On the other hand it may never happen despite nothing apparently wrong in both partners.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
^ Yup i know few too. Also, few days ago we were discussing that in so many cases it is seen that after trying for like few years the couple gives up and go for adoption and than right after that they are able to have a kid of their own. It's all in Allah's will :).
^ Yup i know few too. Also, few days ago we were discussing that in so many cases it is seen that after trying for like few years the couple gives up and go for adoption and than right after that they are able to have a kid of their own. It's all in Allah's will :).
Uski rahmat Ko Josh Ajata hai?
There are so many other issues with adoption which are outside this thread topic.
I think people fear that if they start initiating divorce for not having a baby they will be considered selfish or whatever. But that means they themselves better be not at fault for not having children. Its allowed in religion I think.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
^ Ya that is ofcourse one fear they would have because most do get affected by what others say abt them. Also, ofcourse it cant be easy leaving someone for no fault of theirs esp when you have an otherwise good relationship with them. I do think its probably allowed in Islam to remarry in this basis but i would think one who doesnt go for it would have a very high level in God's eye.
^ Ya that is ofcourse one fear they would have because most do get affected by what others say abt them. Also, ofcourse it cant be easy leaving someone for no fault of theirs esp when you have an otherwise good relationship with them. I do think its probably allowed in Islam to remarry in this basis but i would think one who doesnt go for it would have a very high level in God's eye.
Overall its difficult. If God permits then everyone should understand.
I know a couple who seem to have lots of money and they love each other at least on the surface But they time and again metion, why make so much money, work hard or buy a bigger house or whatever. Sort of pessimism.
The question will be how long one should wait.
In Jewish religion its 10 years and divorce can be given. But 10 years is long. the couple married at 30 plus and they are already 40 plus by then.
BUt they can adopt and have a family of their own. It's not easy but people do have made very happy families out of adopted kids. But if he/she can't do it than by all means remarry and dont bother about what people may say. You cant have your cake and eat it too...you will have to sacrifice something in both cases. And if your inner self is content with your decision than by all means go for it,.
BUt they can adopt and have a family of their own. It's not easy but people do have made very happy families out of adopted kids. But if he/she can't do it than by all means remarry and dont bother about what people may say. You cant have your cake and eat it too...you will have to sacrifice something in both cases. And if your inner self is content with your decision than by all means go for it,.
Yes. I think adoption is difficult to manage and not for everyone who wants it. But no need to live unhappy.
Re: What if you were married to someone who you do not like?
Another common reason I have seen in my personal experience from friends and acquaintances for divorce is not able to perform. Mostly girls blame men for it. I do not know if thats really true or girl is just blaming man to justify her act.
Men usually are quiet when they divorce. Mainly they say, she was not a good wife or not willing to adopt to new place etc. etc.
Off course there will not be a real discussion about her 'performance' for obvious physical reason.