Being a New Member of this Community This is my 2nd post in this forum, So Here is my Question.
What if your wife doesn’t ask you about visiting her parents, Actually the Problem is that i m living abroad & my wife lives in Pakistan with my Parents.
My & her Parents home are very near like 5 mints walking distance. Yesterday i called home to talk to her, I was told that his brother came & said to my Mom that he wanted to take home for few days becoz they gonna have guests tommorrow & her sister is also visiting for a day or 2. I never ask my wife that you suppose to ask me whenever you wanted to go your parents home. Coz I personally feel that i m living here, so i shouldn’t interfere in this matter. Whenever she want to go she just can manage with my mom it’s ok for me. But yesterday i felt very bad when i called home to talk to her but she was not home. I spoke to her a day before going to her Parents home. when i asked her that you didn’t tell me that you are going to visit your parents home she said after talking to you bhai Came & asked me to go, So i said ok.
While on the otherside i have a sister who is married, It’s been like more then 5 years now… Whenever I ask her to come over she says that let me talk to my hubby first, She always tells him. Once he approves ok you can go then she calls us back, come & pick me up. I liked this thing very much.
I just want that she should discusse with me before she goes… Even if i don’t talk to her in this matter … Becoz it shows caring, love & many things.
I just wanted to ask you guys that have you been through such kind of Situation, Do i have weird feelings ??
Please Sincere replies only
Thanks
Thats silly IMO. You are thousands of miles away and you want her to ask for your blessing to go see her own parents who are 5 minutes away from her? If you want to be THAT involved in her life, where she goes, what she does, how she dresses then get your butt back over there and act like the "daddy" you're trying to be. She's your WIFE man, not your child. It seems to me that you want to be her daddy or her owner and not her "partner in life". If thats what you want then you should get a pet. Sorry to sound harsh but your way of thinking makes me angry and I'm sure it must annoy the heck out of her whether she admits to it or not.
and ps, i just dont get how you think that by asking your permission to go see her parents shows "love" or respect? Sorry, it shows fear of you. A very sad thing to base a marriage on.
I don't think that she should ask if she wants to go to her parents.
I talk from experience in saying that a hubby/his family should not interfere between his wife and her family.........so much can happen in terms of misunderstandings.
Also, inyour particular case, I think ti shouldn't matter as a) you are too far away and b) her parents house is literally 5 mins away
It would be different if you were both living here and she waltzed off to stay with her parents in Pakistan!
Mamaof3 Thanks for your reply, I have been reading your for a long time.
I just wanted to tell you that i never think that she should not meet her parents, I just want that she should share everything with me, Whenever i call her ask about sumthing she says "Pata Nai" = don't know, What the hell is this she is now my life Partner, She suppose to tell whatever i ask her she still feels so shy.... I don't know how to handle the situation, as i m Newly married So i don't have experience.... It was just a Question pissing me off from the last 2 days, which i liked to share with you members. I hope i would get great support from all of you experienced people.
Let me tell you guys that she visit her parents once or twice a day that doesn't matter to me how many times she goesin a day, The thing is whenever she wants to go to live there she should just give me a call that i m going to my parents home for a few days, I will be happy with it.
ok, so if she spoke with you but did not mention the trip to go see her parents, she probably avoided it cause she thought you might not approve. Or at least she didnt know how you'd react. If she's not sharing things with you, its cause she's not comfortable with you yet. Let her know that you WANT things to be more comfortable, that you want to share your life with her and be able to talk about everything with her. That you arent her "boss" or her "owner", but her partner, friend, lover and husband. Once she starts to understand and see this (if you truly mean it), the rest will come naturally.
don't compare what your sister does or so and so does...
talk to your wife, tell her that you would love her to visit her family etc but it's best for her to check in with you first...simple.
THough in my opinion with you living far away...what difference does it make where she is?
If you feel like it, talk to her politely and tell her you wud love if she cud call you when planning a longer visit. I think she won't mind calling you.
And some people take more time in opening up, so give her some time. Or may be you need to look at the way you converse with her, is there something that prevents her from sharing her opinion?
your sister and bro in law may not be apart from each other as you two are. or maybe your bro in law is of different nature then yours .. so you shouldn't compare yours scenario with theirs... anyways, like other said i dont think so either that she should have been seeking your permission first before going to her parents.. since you are not around, how else she should have been spending her time? does she have anything else to do? one thing you must keep in your mind, things are way too different when you are far away from your spouse.
Thats silly IMO. You are thousands of miles away and you want her to ask for your blessing to go see her own parents who are 5 minutes away from her? If you want to be THAT involved in her life, where she goes, what she does, how she dresses then get your butt back over there and act like the "daddy" you're trying to be. She's your WIFE man, not your child. It seems to me that you want to be her daddy or her owner and not her "partner in life". If thats what you want then you should get a pet. Sorry to sound harsh but your way of thinking makes me angry and I'm sure it must annoy the heck out of her whether she admits to it or not.
and ps, i just dont get how you think that by asking your permission to go see her parents shows "love" or respect? Sorry, it shows fear of you. A very sad thing to base a marriage on.
If you feel like it, talk to her politely and tell her you wud love if she cud call you when planning a longer visit. I think she won't mind calling you.
And some people take more time in opening up, so give her some time. Or may be you need to look at the way you converse with her, is there something that prevents her from sharing her opinion?
No there is nothing prevents her from sharing her opinion, That's what i don't understand.
There are two things nikka one u are too far and she is shy because she is not understanding u well.
and number never compare ur wife with any other woman it will create complications, specially her rishtay ka eik muqaam hota hai .If u want her to tell u everything then u should ask her nicely and politely by saying that i wanna understand u what u think and i wanna share some of my house traditions with u if u can accept them.
Since u are far away it will take a time to develop an understanding between u two and u need to be humble so she can understand u well.
I think the poor fella is more willing to ask that whether or not should he be acknowledged of his wife's wearabouts.
The bottom line of his first post sounded more like "am I supposed to know where my wife would be during yada yada yada period of time" rather than explicit "should she seek my permission?"
I think that its okay for him as being a "Husband" to be concerned "where his wife is" or "why didn't he know about it". It shows an extra mile of care and concern that he has towards his wife rather than any "daddying" or "dominating" nature in their relationship.
Nikka Kaka: just don't tell her explicitly that you don't feel comfortable with the fact that she doesn't inform you before she goes anywhere. Rather, tell her that it would be nice to know at what place would she be going so that next time you can call her at that place.
Tell her that SINCE YOU ARE ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT HER, TEN THOUSAND MILES DISTANCE DOESN"T MATTER AND YOU ARE JUST ONE CALL AWAY!
NEVER NEVER give her any other woman example, let it be your mom, sister, or whoever, as comparision drives women crazy.
If your lady would be wise enough, which i hope is the case, then she would get the idea and would let you know before planning any visit.
You shouldnt expect your wife to "ask for your permission" (or to even inform you for that matter) to see her own parents when you arent even living with her.....it doesnt make any sense since you are living abroad. It would be a bit different had you two been living together.
Keep in mind no 2 people are alike....dont compare the way ur sister interacts with her husband to the way your wife interacts with you.....you'll be asking for trouble if you do that.
Thats silly IMO. You are thousands of miles away and you want her to ask for your blessing to go see her own parents who are 5 minutes away from her? If you want to be THAT involved in her life, where she goes, what she does, how she dresses then get your butt back over there and act like the "daddy" you're trying to be. She's your WIFE man, not your child. It seems to me that you want to be her daddy or her owner and not her "partner in life". If thats what you want then you should get a pet. Sorry to sound harsh but your way of thinking makes me angry and I'm sure it must annoy the heck out of her whether she admits to it or not.
and ps, i just dont get how you think that by asking your permission to go see her parents shows "love" or respect? Sorry, it shows fear of you. A very sad thing to base a marriage on.
TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU :) :) ..u dont wanna copy anyone ...esp your sister...everybody's relationship is different...u just should trust on her judgement...would u call and ask from her here everytime u had to go out..show your trust/love there too...