Hmmmm...but what are the chances of finding everything you need just the way you want it AGAIN?
He is exactly what you wanted...he just wants you to stay home.
For some girls 'everything we need' means a guy who amongst other things wouldn't ask us to give up something that we enjoy and gives us some independence. Fair enough to those who would do it but don't think it's fair to imply it's wrong to turn down a man who wants to make such an important decision that can impact our lives in such a big way.. There have been so many stories of girls on here sticking with husbands who've treated them badly in one way or another and they've not been able to/willing to leave cos they wouldn't be able to survive financially (or emotionally) on their own. Any guy who wants a woman to give up her security and something that she feels she enjoys and/or is worthwhile to me isn't worth marrying..
My mum once asked me would I say 'no' to person who asked me to get rid of my dog lol and to some ppl it might seem trivial but seriously what decent man would ask me to do something I didn't feel comfortable with me or that hurt me?? Just the fact that someone would ask his other half to give up anything she enjoys (as long as it's not dodgy obviously) would be a warning sign for me..
This is hypothetical and therefore not reality. It is doubtful that one would meet someone who is 'exactly what you wanted' and then for there to be such a chasm in thinking,
Why would he have pursued a successful career woman only to ask her to stay at home?
Pointless to question what one would do in non realistic situations.
My friend's younger brother became a trader earning big money at the age of 22 and he got married at 25. He got re-introduced to a girl from his course who he'd never really spoken to, who was also a trader in the city. She gave up her job quite willingly as this is what they both wanted but this kind of stuff was established immediately, not left to an over dinner conversation after they had fallen for each other. Usually, that's not a singular desire either. He had a lot of other requests, one being that they don't live in his flat in the city but rather with his parents as he wants her to learn to cook and keep house like mama. Which I found rather amusing given that his mum is only so organised as she has always worked full time as well taking care of the family. Materially, he showers her with stuff but how she dresses etc is dictated by his tastes.
What I'm trying to say is that people don't have single desires isolated from all others. You won't get a guy you 'click with perfectly' and then who comes with a left field request (to a career girl) like this. It will be part of his outlook and opinions from the start.
This is hypothetical and therefore not reality. It is doubtful that one would meet someone who is 'exactly what you wanted' and then for there to be such a chasm in thinking,
Why would he have pursued a successful career woman only to ask her to stay at home?
Pointless to question what one would do in non realistic situations.
My friend's younger brother became a trader earning big money at the age of 22 and he got married at 25. He got re-introduced to a girl from his course who he'd never really spoken to, who was also a trader in the city. She gave up her job quite willingly as this is what they both wanted but this kind of stuff was established immediately, not left to an over dinner conversation after they had fallen for each other. Usually, that's not a singular desire either. He had a lot of other requests, one being that they don't live in his flat in the city but rather with his parents as he wants her to learn to cook and keep house like mama. Which I found rather amusing given that his mum is only so organised as she has always worked full time as well taking care of the family. Materially, he showers her with stuff but how she dresses etc is dictated by his tastes.
What I'm trying to say is that people don't have single desires isolated from all others. You won't get a guy you 'click with perfectly' and then who comes with a left field request (to a career girl) like this. It will be part of his outlook and opinions from the start.
Million dollar question.
Its about prestige.
Men who pursue an engineer or doctor do it because they want a staple. The woman carries the guy's family into prestige because she is a doctor or an educated woman.
In many circles, the guy is not that educated himself but he wants the respect/izzat all the same. This is where the wife comes in and he basically uses her as a ticket into social circles he might have a harder time getting into on his own.
Its sinister isnt it? Ive seen it first hand though...
^Well, as far as I have seen, it's the guys parents who want that not the guy himself.
Now you are talking about a guy that is not educated but wants the respect of having an educated wife but whom he wishes will stay at home.
That's a very different scenario from the one in your original post.
Like I said before, you're not going to get an amazing guy pursue you who is right in every other way and then comes out with this later on.
If the girl is working for her career than she will probably say it up front before she goes to dinner with him, but from what I know most if not majority of girls/ women work because they have to.
Sounds sad, but my life IS my work. My personality and every fiber of my being is tied in with my work. I don't have a bloody God-forsaken 9-5 job, and maybe if I did, the story would be different. However, I have a CAREER. Not a job.
As that career is very much intwined with who I am, it would turn me off that the guy barely got to really know me. Obviously he doesn't know me, or else he would not ask me this question. I would explain all the above to him, and suggest that if he really wants a housewife, he needs to look elsewhere.
shrugs I don't care. I'm happy being single as oppose to having some guy take away my life from me, so that he can be the one to be out THERE, making a difference in the world, and **denying me the same right.
**It also turns me off when guys expect women to do 100% of the child-rearing, because that implies that they don't think they have an active and important role to play in child-rearing. I am who I am today, because of my Dad. My mom would not have gotten us to where we are. So, no, he needs to be playing an equal role in raising kids (aside from breast feeding, he can pretty much participate in all other levels of bonding, and he really should). I have seen too many desi dads disconnected with their kids, especially daughters, and its just sad.
Exactly. The “perfect” guy for me is someone who accepts basic women’s rights, and one of those rights is the right to earn your own living and right to financial independence. He doesn’t respect that, then he’s out of the picture.
Guys who ask you to drop your job, knowing you are a career woman, especially careers that carry prestige, are asking for the purpose of domination. Not for the purpose of making life easier for her. Most of the cases, at least. If a career woman is tired of her career, and wants to sit at home, its different, but even then, be prepared that he’ll have other requests.
The best guys are the ones that say - its up to you - stay at home or work, either way, I’ll be there for you. :k:
I agree with PCG, Wether a girl wants to work or not, The guy has no right to say i want you to stay at home. It would be more better if he said ''it's up to you if you wanna stay at home or achieve your dream career.''
I think it's up to the individual. If a girl has a career they would rather develop and would prefer to remain a working girl rather than becoming a sahm or housewife then that's a decision she will take on her own accord.
Me personally, if my husband had said that he would prefer me to be at home I would have no problem with it if the pros outway the cons.
I know a guy that is fits the bill exactly in Reha’s hypothetical. A family friend’s son. He is extremely intelligent (a little too intelligent in my book :cough:). An engineer, business man (lets just say he patented something and made a lot of money off of it by selling the product to another company that now sells it), and also a doctor. He was one of those guys that couldn’t decide what career path he wanted and now he is ultimately a psychiatrist working for an ivy leaguge institution.
He always fell for girls that were doctors and lawyers and engineers … because he found the intellectually stimulating and had a lot more in common in them than other girls. He has gotten engaged twice to these kind of girls… but both times it broke off when he asked the million dollar question of “would you mind becoming a housewife after marriage”. Girl’s would always say yes… engagement would go down… wedding plans would begin…and then the super accomplished career woman would back out for the reasons Stoppit and others said … like if this guy is asking me to give up this..what else will he make me give up?
He then expanded his horizons and started dating this sweet kindergarten teacher. Things went great and they also got engaged. She truly had no problem becoming a housewife..that was established from the get go. But as time went on and wedding plans he started realizing that she was way too materialistic and money crazy. So he got scared and called it off.
U can imagine the hell his parents went through… especially his mom. It was BAD. But they were never the type to force their son to get married and always said it would be a girl of “his choice” completely.
He met a girl last year who was an engineer …they dated and really clicked I guess. He asked the million dollar question. She has no problems at all with this like the other girls… and it never became an issue either. This guy finally got married … his parents are overjoyed because chic is from the same part of the country as them..same caste…she is educated..her parents are… blah blah blah. Win win for everyone. They both quit their jobs 2 months before their shaadi … he got another one but told them he would start in 8 months. After their shaadi happened he took her on a SIX MONTH LONG WORLD TOUR HONEYMOON! lol. They are still not back yet…
I guess my point is that there are definitely guys like this out there… and for whatever reason they want their wife to be a housewife. But there are also plenty of girls in this world that would be totally ok with it… and others that would not be ok with it. It all comes down to personal preference…just like its the guys preference.. its also a girls preference.
This guy had a really really hard time finding a girl that fit his bill. He obviously wanted someone really down to earth but also really intelligent as well. He wanted someone who had career experience so that she could identify with him and vice versa. But he wanted someone like his mom at the end of the day… a housewife. He was also paranoid that a girl was only after him for his money (since he is ridiculously loaded). But despite all this … he STILL found a girl… and was able to get married. (and yes - he is paying off her loans in full).
So yea - definitely not for me. I would be personally offended that my boyfriend/potential rishtaa asked me this. If I want to work.. .great..if i want to be a housewife.. great… but it should be my choice completely. But girls like me would never marry a guy that does ask us this.
WHY do they want someone to quit their job and be a housewife? The guy you mentioned above could have had his pick of any college educated or masters educated women who was already sitting at home. Why target girls who are already working??
Doesn't make sense why you'd want to take someone's life away from them. Like I said, its fine to tell someone that you'll be there for them whether they work or not, and they shouldn't feel like their income is necessary for him to run a household. But why take a woman who is working already and ask her to give up her life???
Geez, its unbelievable to me, that people like this exist. Yeah, he might have been bhola bhala sa, but fact is that he not only wanted a housewife, but he wanted a mate who would start off the marriage by showing she can saccrifice for him.
-Hun, I'm sure guys like this exist. Like the one I wrote about.
My main problem with the post was with these guys being "exactly what you wanted" and then coming out with this. I think it would be clearer from the off-set in the kind of scenario that Reha drew up and you just wouldn't "click".
And like you said, the first two girls said "yes" to staying at home and then later backed out. If they had thought about it proeprly in the first place, they wouldn't have gotten off the ground.
I think it's up to the individual. If a girl has a career they would rather develop and would prefer to remain a working girl rather than becoming a sahm or housewife then that's a decision she will take on her own accord.
Me personally, if my husband had said that he would prefer me to be at home I would have no problem with it if the pros outway the cons.
Guys like the one in the hypothetical scenario take this decision away from you.
They are not ALLOWING you to make that decision. As long as you stay with them, you have to leave the job. There is no option of keeping it.
That's pretty stubborn and narrow-minded, honestly.
And fine, if your dream wife is someone who sits at home and makes you gharam parathay - great - there are a dozen million girls I can introduce you to who will do that for you. Catch is, they do not come with a career you can show off to friends and family to say "Oh, I'm marrying an MD. Now meri wah wah karo".
Guys like the one in the hypothetical scenario take this decision away from you.
They are not ALLOWING you to make that decision. As long as you stay with them, you have to leave the job. There is no option of keeping it.
That's pretty stubborn and narrow-minded, honestly.
And fine, if your dream wife is someone who sits at home and makes you gharam parathay - great - there are a dozen million girls I can introduce you to who will do that for you. Catch is, they do not come with a career you can show off to friends and family to say** "Oh, I'm marrying an MD. Now meri wah wah karo"**.
See, this is what I talk about. Men can't handle the real thing, man. They all SAY they wanna sugar mama, but then they don't know what to do when they get one.
Are we parhi likhi career girls really that scary? Worry not. We are pretty much human as human can be.
