What have u suffered at the hands of ur In laws

[Reha]

@WitchDr

^^So I have not gone through this thread from the start; I might have misinterpreted the situation. However, you did not try to understand what I was saying as well.

I have almost lost all hope that there will be improvement in such things in the future, because of the way I see females close to me behaving. And they see nothing wrong in torturing others as they believe it is their divine right. This improvement needed to come from the womenfolk but I think it was only a wishful thinking from me.

No might, you did.

When I see such harsh and mean statements from people who dont try to understand anyone else…just makes me think of how our men are these days. They want their women to be left at their parents’ mercy because they deserve to be treated and tortured. According to you, its a gender-wide problem and we are the source of all evil.

I lose hope concerning men too. I think it would be an absolute miracle if I found a guy that wasnt a mama’s boy and didnt think I have to kiss his mother’s feet in order to win his affection. I know men who are so pathetic their wives have to cut their fingernails for them! I know men who beat their wives. I know men who have never had a job in their lives…because their women work to support them. I know men who wont let their women work because it will make them too smart. All of this improvement needs to come from the women because the men are bholay bhalay se bachay and so mazloom. Men dont have minds of their owns, a voice, convictions, preferences, responsibilities, etc. Where in Islam does it say men are void of responsibility and that women will take the fall for all mankind?

Seriously, it seems like the improvements should be coming from both sides. Not just women so you dont have to shoulder the responsibilities.

@name_105

Ofcourse “running away crying in corners and suffering for years” is not a solution, but slapping your husband back will make you equally as bad as him.

No, it doesnt. If you defend yourself, you’re not bad at all.

@name_105

I would say may Allah forgive them (Ameen), because afterall if they did know what they were doing was evil (or had gone through such treatments themselves) they wouldn’t have done it.

Its easier said than done. Its SOOOO much easier to say “I would have done such and such”…but no one knows until they go through it. Do you have any idea what it takes to hold your hand and not fight back? Similarly, do you have any idea how much it takes to finally stand up for yourself so you dont get beaten to a pulp one day? Every time you shut up, you encourage mistreatment.

Ive noticed this…my views before marriage and my attitude of “I would have said this or that” are worlds apart from after. WHen you’re not there, you’re looking at things idealistically. YOu will give a bookish answer and one expected of you. WHen you’re there, your human and natural instincts take over and you do what is best for you at the time. YOu have to survive, right? You werent born to get beaten or abused so you have to stand up for yourself. Yes, Allah swt gives us strength but he also lets us defend ourselves.