Just curious to know if anyone has been in this situation or knows of someone in a similar situation. What if one spouse wants more kids but the other doesn’t? Who gets their way? Should the person who wants more kids give in and be happy with what they have or should the person who doesn’t want more be willing to have another for the sake of their spouse? I have never been in this situation so I have no idea, but I am honestly just curious.
Reason I ask is that my MIL had one boy (my hubby) and then a girl (SIL), but after a long time of it just being the two of them my FIL decided he wanted a third kid. My MIL to this day tells me she was content with just two but because her hubby (my FIL) wanted a third she had a third at the age of 43. When she had her third, her MIL (hubby’s granny) came to live with her so she says she actually had twins (hubby’s grandma being the twin because she was even more work then the baby). I just think this is SO incredibly unfair. If my MIL was content with two and her hubby doesn’t cook, clean or help raise kids…shouldn’t she have a say in whether she is willing to dramatically increase her workload?
I can understand in situations where the hubby really helps out a lot. In that case, I think perhaps the wife should give it a shot if he really wants another, but I can’t understand it in cases where the husband just wants tons of kids but expects the wife to raise them and do everything else.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
woman usually gives up because she doesn’t have much say in this type of situation. woman is mostly afraid what if he leaves her and marries someone else who will give him a child. in some cases [where law of the land permits], a woman might also think twice before she says a final NO because she rightly may think that he may take in his second wife.
hate to say but it’s a man’s world until women are financially, socially and religiosly more independent.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
My husband wants a 3rd. He doesn’t pester nor insist but I know he woukd be happy.
I want to wait. My youngest is 2. And eldest is almost 4. So very young. Its OK for men, even though mine is.very hands.on ultimately its the mothers who have the extra workload. And I want to get my life back a little before going back to square one.husband is fine with this.
We have one…and i don’t want anymore, husband wants more. Before marriage i wanted 4-6 kids…we dont even touch the topic of kids anymore cos it always ends in a fight…which is a bad idea we should talk abt it…but yeah. My MIL keeps pressuring us to have more as well (so awkward!)
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
I am very happy with one. Husband wants 4 :o. In fact he asked me 2 days after having my first that when are we having the next. I nearly bashed his head. Let’s see what is in store for us in the future.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
I dnt think it is a decision any spouse can make unanimously. It has to be taken by both jointly. The key is to keep talking about it and let each other’s concerns be known. Unfortunately it is a decision that you can’t meet half way on. It can lead to resentment.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
Perhaps discuss and one with more valid reasons convince other? I am sure if its a good relationship, both can agree.
Even though final decision should rest with the women if they cant agree but please no “my body, my choice” attitude to start with. Just because sledge hammer can hit the nail, you wont use it on 1/2 inch nails.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
Saahib, aap kis sadi mein rehtay haiN or kis ghaar mein apna ghar basaate hain? It’s a man’s world? Women have no say in this? THIS is EXACTLY the type of thinking that is keeping our nation’s women oppressed. It’s not surprising or shocking when the jaahil Taliban have this mentality, but when pardhe likhay jaahil say these kinds of things then they are in a position to influence others.
If the man wants another child and the woman doesn’t, there’s no QUESTION anymore unless the husband rapes the wife over and over until she gets pregnant and keeps her under 24 hour observation to make sure she doesn’t self abort. Yes, if the husband wants more kids, he is more than welcome to go marry someone else or knocks someone else up out of wedlock, that’s his prerogative, the wife may compromise based on the consequences, but in the end it is HER choice.
The key is that the husband and wife need to communicate each other, respect each other, and trust each other. Someone else suggested that the wife should take the pill secretly, ye to shaadi nahi mazaak huwa. No wonder so many desi couple are miserable, there is such aggravating lack of trust and communication and then Internet forum “therapists” suggest nonsense like take the pill secretly or that the woman doesn’t have a say.
Kya hoga is qaum ka, Allah reham kare.
PS. KKF saahib, women will NEVER be financially or socially independent until people with your mentality disappear with a poof, you are the oppressors.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
aahmed - You are officially the most “sensible” male on gupshup. I think this is honestly the best thing written by a man I have ever read. Which is sad actually…because what you said should just be COMMON SENSE! Thank you!
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
A Muslim friend became pregnant with her 3rd child years ago. It was a huge shock to her. She did not mention it to her husband,(he was a CEO in a multi national company ) he accidently found out she was expecting when he answered the call from the abortion clinic. He was in shock about the pregnancy and what she planned on doing. Obviously he confronted her, comforted her, talked and finally convinced her not to abort.
Had he not found out, yes she was going to abort. She came from a small family, her first two children had driven her crazy as her husband was away for many days at a time. They had ZERO family in the US, all support was in Pakistan. She went for counselling during pregnancy and post pregnancy. MA that child is the apple of her eyes. Her hubby changed his employment for his wife at that time, I am talking about a Desi guy in the early 90’s at the top of his career.
Re: What happens when hubby wants more kids but wife doesn’t?
Op, don’t worry about something that happened so long ago…that did not happen to you our your immediate family…and that perhaps your MIL no longer cares about either. Whether or not your mil’s saas were to live with her or stay away…that third child was meant to come into this world.
There are folks who have no fertility issues, try their darndest to have just one child and have the financial means to support on as well…but they don’t have kids. There are people who took all precautions to avoid having a child and up having one. There are people living in poverty and have children. It’s Allah ki dain. What’s meant to happen will happen.
I understand that a wife should not be imposed, but the above is another angle to look at it from.
