Hi all,
I know this may be basic knowledge for some, but as I hardly ever attend weddings especially when guests go back to the grooms house after ruksati I’d like some help. After ruksati when the bride goes back to her in-laws what happens there like what rasams? Does the bride get dressed again? Any help most appreciated
Thanks
Re: What happens next
She doesn't tend to get dressed again if there's guests there, but it depends on the rasms of the groom's family. They might feed her something, or sit with her for a while and do different stuff.
With my sis-in-law, the elder women fed her a bit of dessert and mithai, and then just did a dua before everyone sat down and relaxed for about an hour. But with one of my friends, when she went to her in-laws and has to read a page from the Quran and ate a bit before she went to her bedroom.
So depends on the family really!
Re: What happens next
Yeah, in my family we have the reading from the Quran.
There is also the rasam with sitting the youngest boy on the bride's lap and also another rasam where the groom's sister stops the groom and bride from going into their room without payment.
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On my shaadi we had the reading Quran thing too. Then all the rasams started. The boys had to "sit" in my lap and they'd get money ... I was shocked but tried not to show it lol thankfully none of them actually sat in my lap. And we had the mirror rasam. And the sadka thing.
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When I got married and went to my in-laws, they made me read one page of the Quran, sat my husbands nephew in my lap (and I had to give him money), and they had me spoon ghee and sugar into bowls (this was for them to make halwa with later).
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wow, i never knew abt the boy sitting on lap thing. i dont think it happens in my family
I don't understand the boy sitting on the brides lap? Can someone please explain.
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In our family there is often the kheer chatai. It's a kind of gross/creepy tradition, but I think the idea is to help break the ice between husband and wife, and bahu and inlaws. I've seen it done two ways:
Less gross way: Kheer is placed in the palm of the bride's hand (tho more recently on a spoon she is holding). A sister or cousin or mumani/chachi etc from the groom's side holds the bride's hand. The challenge is for the groom to try to get a taste of the kheer while the person holding the hand teases him with it.
More gross way: The kheer is similarly placed but this time the groom competes with his brothers/male cousins for a taste of the kheer! As if the overt sexual symbolism of the first way wasn't bad enough!!
Anyway, usually for all these shenanigans the bride is dressed in her ruksati outfit. Often 1-2 people from her khandan have come along and will help her settle in when/if she needs. At this time sometimes the inlaws also present the bride with "moo dikhai" gifts (usually jewelry). This may happen the next day as well.
Re: What happens next
Oh wait! Other shenanigans. These may happen before the kheer chatai or when the bride and groom are ready to head to bed. Basically the bride is allowed into the room, but the sisters/female cousins of the groom block the way and don't let him in to be with his bride until her pays up. :D
Re: What happens next
I don't understand the boy sitting on the brides lap? Can someone please explain.
I think its to encourage her to have a baby boy ASAP!
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wow indeed.... lol if it ain't bad enough having travelled for hours to your in-laws ur expected to participate in such rasams hahahaha
I've heard about the little boy in the lap thing, what is this sadka thing not sure?
OMG that kheer rasam is cringing never will i ever participate in that
Re: What happens next
I don't understand the boy sitting on the brides lap? Can someone please explain.
I think it's different from family to family, but when I got married all my devars (husbands male cousins in this case) were suppose to sit in my lap in return for money. I seriously don't know myself why they do this but an aunty told me it's to strengthen that devar-bhabhi bond ... as bhabiji is considered to be a second mommy to the devars in some families.
I still don't get it LOL as most of the devars are older than me. It's kinda creepy and puts the new bhabhi in an awkward situation. Thank god no one actually sat in my lap .. I just gave them money anyway haha.
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OMG that kheer rasam is cringing never will i ever participate in that
Yeah, we did not do it at my wedding, nor at my brothers'. But many cousins and aunts/uncles and such have been subjected. It is fun to watch. :D
Re: What happens next
I don't understand the boy sitting on the brides lap? Can someone please explain.
this is just a rasm to wish that a new baby boy comes into the world. I think it so
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i went to my husbands house , read a verse of the quran with my husband, then was fed something sweet ( i think rice cant remember :|) my husbands cousin put his hand on my knee ( he is 18 LOL) and got money from me. then me and my husband and my FIL + SIL drove to our hotel, my SILs helped take down my duppata off my head but i left the rest off my outfit on.
I then got changed my hubby helped , washed off my make up and did wuzu. We both then prayed 2 nafals :)
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My cousin had the Kheer rasam thingy but they did it a little differently. Basically my the bride had to try to shove the kheer into the groom's mouth and the people from the grooms side would try to block her from doing it and then vice versa.
Either way it's weird. I don't think I'll be participating in any of these rasams when I get married except for the jootha chupai
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all rasams are different for different families.. but what islam teaches us is that groom must have to gift something to the bride.. that can be anything..any good advice..any dua.. any quranic verse..or anything alse :D.. both should pray 2 nafal.. n then groom should make dua to ALLAH for peaceful life by keeping his hand on bride's forehead. exact dua i dont remember but its a dua that hazrat mohammad s.a.w told a one of the sahaba.
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In our family the groom washes the feet of the bride with water. Haven’t been to any recent family wedding though so don’t know if it’s still alive & kicking like the jootah chupaye. 
However the groom reads 2 rakat shukarana nafl on the brides dress and they do sajdah of shukar together which i find sweet.
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^ I think the chota dulha is called sarwala (correct me if im wrong)
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Shahbala is correct...