Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
Sooraj-mukhi, that is SOOOO typical of guy's families. Brace yourself for this, sister. You will be visited by many women looking for their sons, and once you do the "serve-them-tea" dance, they will never contact you again. Many women love this window shopping aspect of finding a bride. They get free food out of it, and they can look down upon the girl and her family, thereby giving their egos a boost. In the meantime, the b*tch fully knows her son will NEVER agree to an arranged marriage. He has to screw around with the gorian first, then the kalian, then the chinian, then the mexician, and when he's 35, he'll finally relent and let his mother pick out the young desi virgin for him. It's a totally sickening part of our culture and unfortunately, it's tolerated way too much.
When someone doesn't call back within a month, move on. Don't wait for them.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
Raatkirani, wow, that's harsh. I'm sure that happens and our culture can set up that scenario quite easily. But I know many guys in my family who are genuinely trying to find the love of their lives through their parents/matchmakers. My cousin for instance was practically engaged to one girl and when he presented the ring to her she just changed. She started to complain that it's not the type of ring she wants. That she should have picked it herself. She started nitpicking about where they'll live and dictating all sorts of things. Well he was REALLY let down and got depressed. He's still looking for girls now. It's not easy to go through all these meetings, being grilled with questions and then deciding whether someone is THE ONE.
I think it's important for the guys side to be very clear in expressing whether they think a match can be made. It's not fair for a girl to 'put herself on hold' while they think about it or just neglect to call back. Sometimes the guy's family thinks that they don't want to tell the truth and hurt the girl's feelings so they avoid the issue. That is really rude. They can't be shallow and say, "she's too short for him," but atleast say it nicely.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
Wow Saima that girl was headed for trouble- shows where her priorities were. In our family we dont even have formal engagements and even if we did a ring is just a beautiful piece of jewelry given with love. How can one gamble away the prospect of a caring spouse to be based on a ring? May be im just in a weird rotation of things...
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
this is not an Excusable excuse... if they are not sure what their Lallo *(so-called 'son') wants, then they better refrain from these Rishta Chai parties and better let their confused child to roam around on his own. Its called common courtesy (so called *Tahzeeb) to call the other party and give them a hint of 'NO'... parents are not that dummy these days that cannot come up with reasonable excuse or so... i will rather call them Ill-Mannered..
it is extremely RUDE never to call back, specially when it comes this sensitive issue
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
...thankfully i dont have to go thru this. :D
back to the subject at hand, i agree with the panel, the guy's family should have had atleast had the courtesy to call....oh well as the saying goes there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
in our family we dont even bother contacting the guy's family after they have proposed. they contact us again and again and again....until we finally say yes. zyaada lift do toh larkay walay sar par charh jaatay hain. ignore them.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
It's unfortunate to have to say this, but some aspects of what Raatkirani has said is quite true. There are such 'aunties' roaming around house hopping, checking out girls, knowing full well that no girl will fit their criteria and the sons they are checking out girls for aren't even interested (which is why they don't even bring him along to meet the girl). It is primarily an ego boost cause they get a kick out of going to the girl's house and having her family treat them like royalty. Word gets around though, especially where the desi community is small, so these aunties need to watch their back cause what goes around eventually does comes around.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
You really don't know the poor mother (who you are quick to label a "b*tch") nor do you know her level of complicity in the matter. Maybe she thinks she is doing what's best for her boy/girl not knowing her daughter/son's shennanigans (sp?).
I realize that you got burnt in the process and are extremely bitter about the situation but please don't label someone's mother a "b*tch" without knowing FOR A FACT her side of the story. It's bad karma.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
dont talk, alright, my cousin was in love with this girl he went to school with, he literally bought her whole wardrobe and made almost all her bills, and when my aunt and my mom went to ask for her rishta, they pretended to be interested, and delayed and delayed their decision, and said he gets angry sumtimes so they cant accept the rishta, dont stereotype just cuz something happened to you alright and dont call sum1 a b*tch alright if you dont know them personally, girls are just as bad in this matter if not worse.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
aww Afridi.. im srry u came across such a greedy and nakhraywalay family.. its better off he dint marry her, else she wuda made his life hell
I kinda sorta agree with raani.. it does happen, there are women who know full well that their son will never go for an arranged marriage, they just go for the free food and ego-boosting..women like that are stupid and selfish and it’s a sick part of our society that ppl dont wanna accept.. BUT there are also women who dont go for free food or ego boosting, who genuinely want a nice grl for their sons..i think if a guy truly was interested in finding someone through his parents, wouldn’t he go with his family n c the grl for himself? I’d find it suspicious if he wasn’t there himself but his mother was.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
Offcourse I’m happy he didn’t, she doesn’t deserve him..I dont deny that these things happen, but she shouldn’t just stereotype everyone cuz of her unfortunate personal experience, agree?
Maybe the mom didn’t like the girl, thats also a possibility but should’ve called anyway, btw statistically arranged marriages r more sucessful then love marriages.
And about your point about the son going with, he’s not suppose to go first time, the mom/family go talk, show a picture, and say what he’s doing/or has done, then if the girls family is interested then they meet.
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
^ Oh i dunno.. i dont’ really care to follow little “rules” and whatnot, I’d rather go it my own way
As for arranged marriages, its true, but there’s a lot of factors playing into that statistic. Living with someone for 50 yrs, through misery and crap is not what I’d call a success but rather a slow death.. It shud be a combo betw arranged and love
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
yah dats why the shaadi isn’t right away, they let them know one another for at least a couple of months so they what they r getting into and know eachother to make a sound judgement about getting married to that person..
Re: What ever happened to good old fashioned MANNERS
^ yeah but u can still never know someone fully in just a few months and in whatever circumstances they'd be allowed to meet (in public/family only etc)
