Re: What does Support mean...
he knows all that ......ive said this before....to him. he thinks he is supporting me.....i dnt think its good enough.....
"Support" is a vague word for him because you haven't discussed with him HOW you want him to support you. That's why you guys are not on the same page with the idea of "supporting." Tell him EXACTLY what you're looking for in terms of support....break it down into what type of communication/actions you expect from him.
ok another eg...im boreddd out my brains here.....they have a table tennis table but its stored somehwere, so i asked him to get it out so we can play....he said acha....its now been a week...no sign of it.
Remind him that it's been a week since you've asked him...and see how he responds. Also, see if YOU can get the equipment yourself or ask if a servant or someone else from the family can help you out with that. Not every single task has to be confined to him.....try improvising and looking for other ways to go about things.
second- i asked him to check over the weddin invites we are ordering for our cousin,.he said kyunnnnnn, DIDNT listen to me....and now the cards are wrong.....and its too late..( i cudnt ring cos MEN do that stuff here and all ****)
****Why get worked up over that? If the cards are all wrong, then let him suffer that consequences. Sometimes people need to learn about their mistakes (in this case procrastination) the hard way. You can try asking his brother/dad to help out with some of wedding tasks. For all the wedding tasks that are to be done by the menfolk....let his mother (your MIL) know that you've told him (your husband) about the cards/booking the hall/etc. That way nobody would accuse you of being irresponsible. And if he either forgets or doesn't do it.....his problem not yours...you did your part.
***Or you could try being more firm with him and just tell him, "Look...I did my part with reminding you time and time again about the wedding cards and because of your procrastination they are now ruined. So from now on.........................you're on your own. I'm not going to remind you to do anything. And if YOU fail to responsibily handle the tasks....and end up RUINING these special little details for YOUR SISTER's wedding..................that's not my problem. I feel bad that her brother is being so lax about things and then she's gonna have to suffer for it."
^Don't remind him. Let him handle or mishandle for that matter his duties on his own. YOU try to help out with the wedding tasks that the women help out with....so at least you're contributing. Set boundaries and stick to them.**
third- i said can u take me here and there - anser- acha but when it suits him
4th- his mum asked what we wanted to eat...i asked him to tell his mum a certain dish as she would most likely make whatever he says, he said kyunnn tum bolo na...( his mum most likely wouldnt make what i say)
**See if you can go "here and there" by yourself or get someone else to take you, if possible. I DO think it can get annoying to make someone your messenger...and have them relay your wishes.....which is what you're doing to your husband. You are old enough to express your wishes to his mom. "Most Likely" is not a guarantee that she won't make the dish you want. And even if she doesnt....you can try making that dish in your spare time. Try to communicate with his mom. Avoiding her is not going to help develop that relationship. In fact........why don't you wait until your MIL asks you "What do you guys want to eat?" in the presence of your husband? That way...you can voice your suggestion to your MIL in front of your husband. That way.....if your MIL frequently doesn't make the dish you want.....you'll husband will also be aware of that pattern. It's a more subtle way of bringing things to your husband's attention as opposed to complaining to him about his mom.
**5th- my book thread- i want books, im a bookaholic, yet the shops here are crapp, i said can we look around for some decent book shops- he said- kiyunnnn again, and said mujhe nahi patha, blah blah blahhhh and just cut me offf....
*"Mujhe nahin patha" is not any better a response than "kyun." Maybe you could have responded with something stronger like "I want the books to read because it's been a week and you still haven't gotten the table tennis out." *
*^^^Again....I think that most of these issues could be resolved if you discuss with him exactly HOW (in terms of words/actions) you want him to support you. Tell him how saying the word "kyun" to everything makes you feel. And try to improvise. You can ask around where the good bookshops are and try to go those stores without him....or with someone else from the family.
*
its trivial yes, but its a p*** take when your in a place you dont wna be, and youve lost ur independence...
Some of YOUR actions (lack of clarity about how you want husband to support you, lack of improvising, lack of communicating with in-laws, making your husband your messenger when dealing with simple questions from his mother, etc)......are also causing you to lose your independence. This is not to say that your husband isn't at fault........but for you to reflect over the ways that YOU might be limiting your own freedom ....ways that you may not even be aware of.
