I have seen this alot happening among Pakistani guys. They are always curious about girl’s past and if she ever had a relationship. I have heard that some guys divorce their wives after finding out that she had a boyfriend long before
the marriage took place. Sometimes people break proposals by spreading rumors about the girl having a boyfriend once upon a time in her life time.
I don’t understand what is so bad about having a previous relationship. Sometimes it’s not really girl’s fault for going into a relationship and getting dumped because of the deception from boy side. I have seen guys strangling girl into relationship by giving promises of marriage. Sometimes girls make these mistakes at a young age by believing bull****. I just personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a girl having a past (as long as she isn’t a slut - someone who goes out with multiple men at the same time). I just don’t get what the hype is about targeting girl’s reputation for having a past and ruining her life. And what’s with Pakistani men not able to handle their girl’s past?
Not just guy, even my mom has a problem with any girl with a previous relationship. She said girl who is in habit of having a relationship never changes and I would never trust a girl who goes out with a boy.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
I would like to say religion plays an important part but I would be lying. It's all about the ego and opinions of society at large. I do know a couple of girls who've had to marry pre-marriage promiscuous boys and it was bizarre how much the guys' mothers are insistent on getting a girl without prior relationships. I don't get their logic because asking something of someone you can't even offer in return in ridiculous.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
In Western culture, a girl who sleeps around and a guy who sleeps around are both viewed differently. Granted that a girl is not severely penalized for her past in western culture, but it's got its share of double standards. Not that this makes Desi double standards "okay" or "justified."
Sometimes when I read/hear/watch horror stories fueled by jahilaana double standards....Me wonders whether Asians (cuz it ain't just Pakistanis. What about the Arabs?) will be addressed separately as a group by Allah on Qiyamat ...or whether they'll be like a spaashul place in hell for us.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
Ha! RV, reading your posts always makes my day. I love the whole separate spaashul place in hell for us because of our Asian double standards. I wish for it.
I'm hoping the 5th or 6th generations after us will not have to deal with these completely cruel insane double standards.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
This is not specific to Pakistani culture. Indians/Bangladeshis have the exact same double standard. This goes back to people's obsession with a woman's virginity/lack of sexual experience before marriage. There is an assumption that if a girl has dated...she had sex with the guy or at least has done other sexual activities. This obsession exists in Africa and others parts of the world too so its not even particular to the South Asian culture.
(as long as she isn't a slut - someone who goes out with multiple men at the same time).
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
The word Slut is made up by us women for other women. Our way of lowering her self esteem even more than it already is. A woman that is grouped as a "slut" is most likely one that is disillusioned into thinking that's how she can get a man to like her. Her self esteem is lower than ever. There will be vultures that take advantage of that.
Women are the mothers and sisters of these desi men that feel a woman's honor lies only with her level of "virginity" and "purity". We guide them into thinking in that way. That nonexistent level of purity would create a woman that stays virginal even after being with her husband on the first night. There should be pill for desi women to accomplish that just until our Asian minds can be more compassionate, open minded, and less judgmental. Unfortunately i know women that were called sluts and whores by their husbands even if they were virgins before marriage.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
As horrible as our Desi culture is with these issues, and we do have many mistakes in our culture, which we will have to address ourselves, I still love our culture. Some posters have said that these double standards about what people do accept from males but not from females, excists everywhere and I agree. I've heard terrible stories from females from various backgrounds about this problem, including white females who aren't even in any strict environment.
Years ago a Moroccan female told me that many males in her culture have girlfriends and even sleep with females before marriage. It is believed by many in her culture that if the males can do that in their first years, then in later years they will behave better. I'm not sure why though. (I do believe her story, not just because she seemed genuine when sharing this, but it's what I see in society, for example; one of my temporary Moroccan colleagues unfortunately has said some indecent unrespectful things in a manner which isn't innocent flirting, he works with youngsters and has a terrible influence on them too . . . ) That Moroccan female also told me that these same males and their relatives sometimes even kill their females if they aren't proven to be virgins with blood after the wedding night. She said that some Moroccan females have fake blood just to be sure, since it can be a matter of life and death. :(
This myth about there having to be a lot of blood as evidence that the female is virgin excists in Pakistan too, though mostly in our society we don't think it's right for males to sleep around before marriage any more than it would be right for females. Science proves that even a female who is not a virgin, can bleed if she sleeps with another male who's sharmga has a different size, so to speak, so even a bleeding female would never be complete evidence of her being a virgin. Same goes for females who have no blood at all or very little in their wedding night; it's never evidence of their begin virgins or not. This whole issue is part of misogyny.
I'm teaching my son now to behave different with females. No future daughter in law of mine will suffer, insha Allah.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
Sexism is annoying. I absolutely hate it when I hear people say "oh, he's so girly" because he wants to cook/clean or w/e. Seriously, this is a good thing! Why do you want the men in your lives to be useless. I don't understand... D:
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
The word Slut is made up by us women for other women. Our way of lowering her self esteem even more than it already is. A woman that is grouped as a "slut" is most likely one that is disillusioned into thinking that's how she can get a man to like her. Her self esteem is lower than ever. There will be vultures that take advantage of that.
Women are the mothers and sisters of these desi men that feel a woman's honor lies only with her level of "virginity" and "purity". We guide them into thinking in that way. That nonexistent level of purity would create a woman that stays virginal even after being with her husband on the first night. There should be pill for desi women to accomplish that just until our Asian minds can be more compassionate, open minded, and less judgmental. Unfortunately i know women that were called sluts and whores by their husbands even if they were virgins before marriage.
slut shaming is universal.....Pakistani girls need a chance to rant against Pakistani guys smh, you don't see us do the same
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
I have seen this alot happening among Pakistani guys. They are always curious about girl's past and if she ever had a relationship. I have heard that some guys divorce their wives after finding out that she had a boyfriend long before
the marriage took place. Sometimes people break proposals by spreading rumors about the girl having a boyfriend once upon a time in her life time.
I don't understand what is so bad about having a previous relationship. Sometimes it's not really girl's fault for going into a relationship and getting dumped because of the deception from boy side. I have seen guys strangling girl into relationship by giving promises of marriage. Sometimes girls make these mistakes at a young age by believing bull*. I just personally don't think there is anything wrong with a girl having a past (as long as she isn't a slut - someone who goes out with multiple men at the same time***). I just don't get what the hype is about targeting girl's reputation for having a past and ruining her life. And what's with Pakistani men not able to handle their girl's past?
Not just guy, even my mom has a problem with any girl with a previous relationship. She said girl who is in habit of having a relationship never changes and I would never trust a girl who goes out with a boy.
Multiple means more than one or is there a number?
Why is someone who went with out with 10 men in different times better than a girl who went out with only 2 men but at the same time?
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
^ Agree with Icono. He does have a point. Even if she were to date 10 guys...one after another....as opposed to dating all 10 at the same time.....doesn't mean that the former is not a cause for concern or should be easily dismissed. One would be right to wonder if perhaps there's an unhealthy relationship pattern or tendency.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
slut shaming is universal.....Pakistani girls need a chance to rant against Pakistani guys smh, you don't see us do the same
Never said it was only Pakistani, Indian, or Bengali girls.
Yep universal is right but let's just say the nonwestern countries are still in the shaming phase. Hopefully after 50 years our women won't need to take the virgin Mary purity pill.(I wish there was one like that. No offense to Christians if at all that is offensive). Mary was a virgin even after having a child.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
add this smiley to this conversation
My cousin brother married a girl that had a child out of wedlock but he was in love with her and he is a kind hearted man so my level of respect for him is a lot more now. They been married for years and still going strong.
Giselle Leevy character in Monalisa Smile would most likely be grouped in the “slut” category but if you look at her character deeper she was a person who was a child of a broken marriage in the 1950s and she went from man to man because she had serious self esteem issues even if she was stunning looking and such an intelligent character. She was feeling all small, cheap and insecure that she allowed being hurt by men more than once with every possible way. You kind of wonder why she acts so “slutty” because with all her qualities she could be such a strong, successful in life woman. I’m pretty sure there are Giselles out there in the real world including our desi world.
Re: What does past relationship (s) that never worked out got to do with marriage iss
Unfortunately double standards are a huge part of being from a desi household and I'm sure it exists in other communities as well.
The other big problem is just lack of education and also the fact that women themselves are their own enemies.
In arranged marriages, it's the ladies who decide and make most of the demands and the criteria that a girl must fit. But they never honestly look at their sons and see them for what they are. Yes everyone wants the best for their child, but so many people are on holiday when their kid is doing something that is haraam.
Now this should really concern a virgin Pakistani man. 
add this smiley to this conversation