How do you respond to someone (say, a family friend) who insists on knowing how much salary you earn and who just won’t give in despite you dodging the question?
My parents have known this one family from Pakistan for many years now. They came to Canada around the same time as us, and we used to see them regularly back then but then they went back to Pakistan after getting citizenship and we haven’t really kept in touch.
They’re back in Canada now that their children are high school/university going. So my parents invited them over for dinner and their oldest daughter started interviewing me and my siblings on what schooling process we went through to get to where we are now and how much each one of us makes exactly. It was easier to change the topic with her because she is younger than me. But then her mom started asking me the same.
At first, I just smiled and gave her a weird look. But she started giving me actual figures then, wanting to confirm if I make above a certain pay grade. I felt really trapped and finally just said ‘alhamdulillah, isi range main hai’. Then she started joking with me, okay good good, so when are you taking us shopping? Again, I tried to laugh it off but she kept pressing, ‘aray, smile baad main kar lena, pehle batao kab shopping leke ja rahi ho’.
I was very annoyed to say the least. I don’t know why some desi people don’t have any boundaries. It is one thing to try to get information about a career line by asking in general how much one can expect to earn and what their options are. But to be so specific and nosy, knowing fully well that you’re irritating the next person and still not stopping.
How would you have responded in this scenario without being rude?
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
The thing with these types of people is that once they sense that you are polite and non confrontational, they will do their best to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. And in some cases, yes, will take advantage of it too. Sometimes the only option is to physically remove yourself, or be rude or have a good come back that isn’t too rude. I’m sure others will give you examples of that. If not, I would consult Aahmed on how to deal with people like this
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
once you mentioned "issi range main hai..." she should have gotten the hint that you don't want to disclose or discuss.....obviously she didn't and then went on to joke about it.
perhaps a simple, straight-faced glance without the smile would have delivered the message that the joke was not funny and the topic should be dropped.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Sometimes it is perfectly okay to say "I am not comfortable talking about XYZ", and say it with an offended/annoyed expression. Pesky aunties will get the hint that they are crossing the limit. As partyslims says, such people take advantage of the fact that someone is too nice to protest - so you should protest loud and clear.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
I would have said ... aapko itna ishtiaq kiyon hai janab? kia merey accounts pe daka marney ka irada hai? ... wiasey aapka bank balance ajkal kitna chal ra hai ? then throw in some numbers and dont let up until u get a number out of her :D
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
I don’t make much and I can’t really give quick rude answers but I just say.. *yahi koi xyz kay qareeb ho jati hai Alhumdolillah.
*
And then I just move towards.. aap ka dress bohot acha hai, kahan se liya? :halo:
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Don't dodge. Don't even provide a range as she just saw that as a weakening, as a chink that can open wider if she tries harder. Just politely say that I view salary as a personal matter aur main immediate family k ilawa kisi k saath discuss nahi karti aur na karoon gi. Alhumdolillah jitni bhi milti hai, Allah ka shukar hai. I'm sure you will respect my wishes. Ab chalain let's talk about another more interesting topic. This is the approach I would use with relatives, even the elders among them, omitting the respecting wishes comment though.
So, you've set a boundary, you took control and steered the conversation elsewhere. It leaves no room for them to even insist because doing so after you've been so clear puts them in an awkward spot. Plus, there's nothing rude about it. Responding with taiz or snide remarks produces ugly vibes between people and instills the desire in the recipient to "get you back" in the future with snidery of their own. Nip it in the bud with polite directness.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Reha, my ammi was sitting right there and looking just as perplexed as I was. She is very seedhi sadhaar, and I'm worse than her. Time pe koi bhi comeback nahi aata. But baad main ghussa aata hai khud pe ke kuch tu bolna chahiye tha.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Pakistani people like to know how much the other person is worth to treat them accordingly. They measure in money. You tell them a ridiculously high figure and they would want to be your best friend. If you never want to see them again, give them a very small figure.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Madz, they're old friends of your family. They were being rude but maybe they didn't realize it because such questions could be the norm for them. I honestly don't think it's wise to fire back with the type of remark that leaves the listener wondering whether you had insulted them, nor do I think you should give a rude or even crude response or await a moon-phat one. In either of these cases, it creates ill feelings between people, develops grudges, and damages relationships. I've seen this many a time where people can't seem to forget that someone insulted them and find ways of getting you back either directly or resort to cheap underhanded ways. It just creates more drama. The problem is that we just say Alhumdolillah but we don't make it clear that this is an issue that is private and will not be discussed outside family, so we leave doors open. I tried this with an older cousin. Told her salary is personal matter and I don't discuss it, she was miffed I didn't satisfy her curiosity, but backed off because it leaves no room for further questions or efforts from her end.
Re: What do you say when someone asks how much you make?
Well, Tempe5t, this aunty is the kind who is up in everyone's business. She finds out your personal info and then passes it along in the form of gossip. When she used to live here in the past, most aunties were intimidated by her and wanted to keep her in their good books so she wouldn't try to harm them.
The other truth is, unfortunately she gets jealous very easily and will purposely try to put you down to make herself feel superior. So to avoid evil eye, it is best not to share too much with her.
I just hate that she put me and my siblings in an awkward position and now she is going to make our personal info known to the world.
