I was just curious about what people who go through love marriages or arranged marriage want for their kids when they get married? Do most of them want the same for their kids or because of their experience want someting different for them? Anyone have any experience regarding this matter?
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I think the term "love marriage" can be somewhat of a misnomer. My husband and I did everything according to shariah, we talked with the intention of seeing if we were compatible for marriage, tried to involve the parents, etc., but are still referred to as having had a "love marriage."
I think that Islam gives mature men and women the right to choose their own partners, and that it is my right as a parent to suggest people who I think might be suitable, or explain why someone might not be suitable. I don't have the right to say no to someone who is a practicing muslim, no matter whether they are black, white, or purple.
So, a short answer to a very complicated question is that if my children ask for my guidance, then I will provide it to them. If they say that they will find their own spouse, then I will pray for them to make a good decision.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I would want them to be happy.
If i have raised them well i know what type of a person they will chose to be their life partner :~) .. It will be their happiness i would want them to spend rest of their life withs someone who makes them happy :~)..
and inshallah me and him [future invisible hubby ] will respect that...
I seriosuly think parents should leave everything up to their kids regarding marriage :)- its their life their happinesss leave it up to them...
My kids will have a choice they chose their life parenter and khundanakaswasta khundanawaskta their marriages don't work out.. they wont even have a say in their second marriage because obviosuly they failed at first time...
I see those who didnt get their first love due to their parents- they live a very scattered life at this piont. Sometiems they are not even loyal to their spouses if its not physical then its emotional.
You live once... be with the one who makes your world complete not finished :)
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
:k:
i couldnt have said it better myself.
If my children do everything according to shariah then it is their right to find their own mate. I will only guide them if they ask me. Parents should have limited involvement in finding their childrens mate.
^this is the Islamic way!
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
Depends on how the marriage goes in my case...
My mother had a failed arranged marriage...so she doesnt want the same for me...
She wants me to find someone for myself...if her marriage had been more of a success maybe she would encourage i do things arranged...
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
The trend is away from arranged marriages and I think this trend would continue in the future.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
Bollywood & Hollywood r too influential these days.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I don’t think that’s true. The trend is away from marrying strangers, maybe, but many of the people I know are being introduced to potential spouses through family and friends and in “chaperoned” situations. I don’t think this is dating, or what seem people would call a “love marriage.” It’s arranged, I suppose, but with input from bride/groom/family/friends. The bride and groom have the final say.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
Why is there this huge trend of cousings marrying each other in pakistan?? I just dont get it, dont people know it can lead to geneticaly inherited diseases and stuff. Are these kind of marriages common in pak only or is it done elsewhere too? Am I right in believing that most of these kind of marriages are arranged because parents just get tired of looking for matches and use the last available option that being within the family?
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
well there is no right or wrong answers in this.
It is not guaranteed that your marriage wud last if u do arranged marriage or love marriage.
I guess...i wud leave it to my kids...either way is fine with me. If he loves her truely & i like her too...then he can go ahead. Now making the marriage work is all in god's hands.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I'm a gori married very happily to a desi and we spoke at length about having children, what we want for our children, what we hoped life to be - prior to our marriage. We both felt the same about raising children, that mommy should be home and take care of home things and that daddy goes to work to pay the bills. We were so lucky to be able to do that.
As far as our 3 boys, it is my fondest hope to have at least some say in their choice for marriage. When you're young (meaning age 35 or less), hormones definitely have quite an influence on your decision making process. So while I will not in any way require or even push a potential mate upon any of my sons, it is my fondest hope that they will listen, learn and be able to accept what I tell them either "is" or "is not" a good match. "Winning the lottery" would be for my sons (or any ONE of them) to ask me to find a good mate for them lol! but i will not push this, I will just hope to have good and respected input on their choices. My dear hubby is in agreement with this although he leans more toward "love match" and let them find on their own without any sort of input. I think though that no one knows their children better than mothers and so the input should be respected.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I had an arranged marriage
But me and hubs agree, kids will have their choice i.e. love unless they beg us to choose but even then id be VERY VERY hesitant in doing so
How can i pick who is right for my kid? Surely they know who or what clicks with them and it should be left to them
They bring white black blue ...if he/she is muslim, they can get married to him/her
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
i think children shud b able to choose but parents shud b informed and shud hv a part in it
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
They bring white black blue ...if he/she is muslim, they can get married to him/her
Same for me.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I'd be a bit disappointed if they have been having a relationship with someone, but ultimately if they are in that situation, I would want they want, I would want them to be happy.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
i wont force them for anything n the best i can say is when the time will come
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I think there are many reasons why cousin marriages are popular in Pakistan (and other places like KSA). First, you know the guy and his family--it's easier to trust them and investigate them. There's the hope that this marriage will work out well because of the blood ties. There may also be family pressure as well, especially if the guy is well educated or the family is very wealthy or if the family is part of some special tribe or caste, they may marry to keep the money in the family. Sometimes, people do get rejected by outside families, and their last resort is to marry a cousin, but I think that is the last reason why someone would marry a cousin. Mostly, it has to do with convenience. It's permissible in the Quran (and in the Bible too, incidentally), the Prophet married his cousin (Zaynab bint Jahsh), and it's culturally acceptable.
Marrying a cousin doesn't necessarily mean that you're at a far greater risk of giving your children a disease. Recent research shows that the occasional cousin marriage barely raises your chance of a passing on a disease by a fraction of a percent. The chances are heightened if you come from a long line of cousin marriages (i.e. parents were cousins, grandparents were cousins, spouse's parents were cousins as well) and there is a disease that is floating around in your family. When you have too many cousin marriages, that's when the trouble starts. Also, westerners don't marry their cousins as a rule, but they have plenty of genetic diseases in their offspring too. It's not like you only see retarded children with desi cousins, but none with two strangers--quite the opposite.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
I married a gora convert and we're very happy. I would never consider an arranged marriage for my daughter cos i never had one myself. I dont care abt the guys race-he just has to be a decent good muslim.
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
i would prefer a love marriage arranged by my parents 
Re: What do arranged couples or love couples prefer for their kids?
Amana and Amani that's sooo cool. The main thing to make a marriage work is common religion (faith, values, morals, ideology), different race or nationality/ethnicity should not be a problem..
Culture is nice but it's just regional tradition. I might like the same foods, clothes and music as a South-Asian so culturally we'd be the same but there'd be friction, say I marry a Sikh girl she'd want to get pissed every night and feed me jhatka pork whereas if I married a white Gori Muslim fair enough she might not want to eat curry with me or wear a Saari but they'd be no friction in what really matters, I think religion (values, morals, faith, ideology) is what matters not superficial things like race or nationality/ethnicity etc.
There can be comprimises when it comes to culture and we can learn to like each others cultures, follow which ever one we live in or both.