recently my husband bought a plot he needed money asked me for help. In family pressure he sold all my gold jewelry from his side and mine too.. my parentd r not aware of that everytime they ask ? i tell them that its in the locker … my husband over all is very caring&loving he is aware that what he did was wrong?
everytime this topic comes up we argue because i am hurt that he didnt care at that time about my feeling and just listed to his father … what can i do to make this suitation better?
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
you can buy jewllery later when u have sufficient money and u can tell to your parents if they don't cause any problem for ur husband.
Jewllery is a quick help in hours of need.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
This is tough, if you gave your jewelry out of your own free will then you shouldn't be bothered by your parents queries. These days keeping gold (in Pakistan) is so risky, with chori and dakaiti on the rise that jewelry kept in the locker barely gets worn. Look at it as a good investment decision that land has stable value which will also rise over time, if you build a house on it you will get the benefit. For your peace of mind, why don't you ask your hubby to give you all or joint ownership in the plot.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
Were you pressured into giving your jewellery or did you give it to him with your consent? How important was it to invest in the plot? Did he involve you in the decision making process of weighing the pros and cons of making this investment? If you gave your Jewellery with consent then you have to live with this choice and try to find the silver lining, and it will happen for you inshallah. However, if your husband or his family pressured you into giving in your Jewellery, then it is not fair to you, and you have every right to be upset. At least you husband acknowledges what he did was wrong, and per you he is very caring and loving. Like Raania said, in either case, ask your husband to give you a share in the plot because you also invested in it.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
I agree with what the others have said here; that he invested the money and the whole consent thing. BUT...in your other thread you mentioned that you've been married for 2 months; which puts your situation in a whole new light.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
It sounds to me that your husband without your true consent (you may not have resisted but did not truly jump at the idea) sold your jewellry to buy a plot of land. Is the plot of land in his name, your FIL's name, or someone else's name?
Alhamdulillah, you're husband is a good man and understands that taking your jewellry for his/his family's use was not the right thing to do. How can he rectify the situation? I like the idea of what some of the other users have said, give you a share in that land. I would ask for the exact percentage for what your jewellry bought. If your jewellry paid for 50% of the cost, then 50, if more % then you should have more ownership. As nice as the idea is, I have a feeling that if your husband was influenced to sell your jewellry to purchase something his father wanted, I think he'll have a hard time asking Abu ji to give you your rightful share of the plot of land.
But we can't assume anything so talk to your husband. Tell him that you understand that it makes him feel bad and if he gives you righful ownership of the correct %, it is a good way to address the wrong that has been done and you will happily move on. But in the future, you would like to discuss together and make a decision before anything is sold or bought.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
Is your name on the plot papers?
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
You've only been married for two months and you decided to sell all of your gold? I guess its fine if you and hubby have an understanding of a sort. But does he also have you listed on the papers or are they just in his name or your FILs? You're not getting your jewelry back BUT you do NEED to make sure your name is listed as part owner on the property.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
I don't wish to rain on anyones positivity parade here but I don't think there is much you can do OP to make the situ better. In fact I'm wondering why your husband found it acceptable to buy a plot so soon after your marriage when you've just found out you are expecting?
He came under pressure? As blunt as I am being sweetheart he needs to step up to the plate now and stick up for you too; just because the FIL fancies extending his property empire I'm assuming he put pressure on your husband and he obeyed? What happens if a few months down the line your FIL wants to buy another plot? Does he sell the plot and but the other one? Do you get anything in return for your investment?
You mentioned your from the US in a previous post. Are you settling in Pak or US? Is the plot simply 'for show' so others can look and become jealous or is this a plot that you both needed as a couple?
Whose names on the paperwork? If it's in your FILs name legally I doubt you can stake a claim to it. Do you have other BILs? If so if the legality of the plot is sorted in your favour others (incl SILs) will inherit the plot. Yes my post is negative compared to others; however I've seen something similar happen and it turned U.G.L.Y.
The jewellery was obviously given to you to enjoy. I don't wish to add further negativity but have you seen the price of gold lately? It may have taken said parents (both sides) a while to build up enough dosh to buy it. It's all gone now. Most will tell you once you start selling your jewellery it's a slippery slope.
FWIW I hope your husband is a grafter and actually makes you more gold than hes sold of yours.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
You've only been married for two months and you decided to sell all of your gold? I guess its fine if you and hubby have an understanding of a sort. But does he also have you listed on the papers or are they just in his name or your FILs? You're not getting your jewelry back BUT you do NEED to make sure your name is listed as part owner on the property.
THIS! It's very important.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
recently my husband bought a plot he needed money asked me for help. In family pressure he sold all my gold jewelry from his side and mine too.. my parentd r not aware of that everytime they ask ? i tell them that its in the locker ... my husband over all is very caring&loving he is aware that what he did was wrong?
everytime this topic comes up we argue because i am hurt that he didnt care at that time about my feeling and just listed to his father .... what can i do to make this suitation better?
I'm not even married but the number one thing my mom always tells me is to never tell your in-laws about your savings/jewellery. Keep it in a safe in a bank somewhere and don't even tell your husband about it. Only your parents should know everything about it not the family you married into.
Jewellery can be re bought, though. So good luck explaining that to your parents.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
I'm not even married but the number one thing my mom always tells me is to never tell your in-laws about your savings/jewellery. Keep it in a safe in a bank somewhere and don't even tell your husband about it. Only your parents should know everything about it not the family you married into.
Jewellery can be re bought, though. So good luck explaining that to your parents.
She doesn't need to explain anything to her parents. The gold was given as a gift to her by her parents and what she does with it is up to her, not her family.
As for not telling your husband about savings/jewellery - you've really flabbergasted me.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
She doesn't need to explain anything to her parents. The gold was given as a gift to her by her parents and what she does with it is up to her, not her family.
As for not telling your husband about savings/jewelry - you've really flabbergasted me.
A lot of girls are given this advise, including me and I do not see anything wrong with it. I would give the same advise to my daughter or to any other girl really. Ok not literally hide them, but keep the exact information vague. And definitely have it in your own locker. No sharing. Atleast all the stuff you get from your parents.
The minute a husband knows the wife has some savings/ jewelry .. that's it!!! Every time a situation arises the wife's jewelry will be the first one to go.
It takes effort to gather jewelry over the years. Even if you do not wear it, you know at the back of your mind that you have some thing to fall back on in dire circumstances. Buying gold and keeping it in the locker is not a waste of money. It is also an investment.
Buying this plot was not absolutely necessary, it wasn't a situation where some one was ill, or they do not have a roof over their head. The husband did it under pressure from the family that too at a whim. That too only after 2 month of marriage.
Did the FIL not know the financial capacity of his own son before buying the property ? Or do you think that it was know ki "bahu sona leke aayi hai" , we can use that.
As to the OP. Well you can't really do much. You're married to him and his family is your family now, so even if they asked you to contribute you wouldn't really have the option of saying no, then it would be like you consider them your own so you have to kind of trust him/them.
Just pray its not a faulty investment and you or at least your husband get something in return.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
see the suitation in like this that rite after my married in my in-laws house my husband said he came up with the idea, but it seems to me everything was pre planned by his father becuase after talking to my MIL i found out that my FIL did he same thing with his wife... and my husband assures me that the paper is on my name half of the plot but i have not seen them so far.. my parent bought that jewelry for me with soo much love ..... i was in a suitation where i was mentally pressurized,my husband was not talking to me because once i refused to give my gold.... now he says he was wrong and he will make up by buying me more gold.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
She doesn't need to explain anything to her parents. The gold was given as a gift to her by her parents and what she does with it is up to her, not her family.
As for not telling your husband about savings/jewellery - you've really flabbergasted me.
Ummm, that sounds lovely and all but I beg to differ.
Most parents spend years and years saving up their gold to give to their daughter. Some pieces may be passed down from generation to generation, so for all those years of hard work to just be taken away so easily once she gets married...no, something is very wrong there.
The fact that she gets married doesn't mean that her in laws have the right to her gold, unfortunately in this case they took it from her when there was no need, she didn't want to give it up but they pressured her. That's not right.
see the suitation in like this that rite after my married in my in-laws house my husband said he came up with the idea, but it seems to me everything was pre planned by his father becuase after talking to my MIL i found out that my FIL did he same thing with his wife... and my husband assures me that the paper is on my name half of the plot but i have not seen them so far.. my parent bought that jewelry for me with soo much love ..... i was in a suitation where i was mentally pressurized,my husband was not talking to me because once i refused to give my gold.... now he says he was wrong and he will make up by buying me more gold.
I hope he does.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
i was in a suitation where i was mentally pressurized,my husband was not talking to me because once i refused to give my gold.... now he says he was wrong and he will make up by buying me more gold.
Your husband didn't talk to you when you refused to hand over your gold. Sounds like he knew what he wanted and he got it. Tell your parents everything. It's better for them to be in the know now, instead of years later when things go bad astagfirullah.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
This whole thing is making me feel this relationship is not going to work I don't have much trust on him anymore he is very gud with me expect this incident I really don't know what to do ... If I tell my parents they r going to be soo hurt and I don't want to create an trouble for them.
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
This whole thing is making me feel this relationship is not going to work I don't have much trust on him anymore he is very gud with me expect this incident I really don't know what to do ... If I tell my parents they r going to be soo hurt and I don't want to create an trouble for them.
If he's very good with you then why won't this relationship work? You can't give up yet. You just have to find out about the plot of land and make sure your name is on it.
what can i do to make this suitation better?
I dont think your relationship should be affected by these material things. Yes u agree parents at times spend ages collecting gold for their daughters but having or not having gold in your life does not make such a significant difference in your life? What i mean you would probably marry and be in a relationship with your husband regardless of having jewelerry or not.
Dont let this affect ur relationship it just goes to show that material things are not forever if allah swt gives them to you he can also take them from you in one way or the other
And i know how difficult it is to deal with parents but if you show that your not affected by this they wont be either, im sure they would rather see their daughter happy than be unhappy in her marriage.
Sister u have a whole life ahead of you jewellery can be re brought again and maybe you will be able to buy stuff better than you had but marriages and relationships baree mushkil se bantay hai.
Inshallah your situation will get better
Re: what can i do to make this suitation better?
I agree with you somewhat ^ I don't think it was right for him to sell her gold... it was 100% wrong...gold her parents bought for her with love and care. My mother still has the gold set her father gave her on her wedding day...she cherishes it and doesn't even let me touch it. Gold that's given to daughters on the wedding by parents is yeah kind of an investment but it means much more to us girls. Its sentimental, something that lives on for years to come and that's why you see families passing these things on to their kids.