Re: What are your thoughts on polygamous marriage/being a co-wife?
No, no no…that’s not the hadith.
The hadith is that Rasullullah (SAW) addressed Ali (R) when he heard of how hurt his daughter was and advised him to not pursue the second marriage. Even if there was a condition placed that “If 2nd marriage is pursued, then give a divorce to the first”, then this still supports the position that you cannot and are not allowed to keep two women in a polygamous state if one or both don’t want it. You have to either stay with your first wife, or you have to file for divorce.
That IS actually supporting consent. Because if you did not need the consent, then first wife can be INFORMED, as Fatima R was, and she has to be obliged to stay in the marriage against her will because she as a muslim is sinning by now allowing her husband to take a second wife. The fact that she can file for divorce on this grounds in the first place shows that the CONSENT is needed otherwise the marriage can’t happen.
I don’t know if I’m explaining myself well here. If Consent was NOT REQUIRED, but simply INFORMING was required, then a judge has no grounds to grant a divorce/khula to the first wife, because we are saying that consent isn’t required in the first place, therefore, the husband hasn’t wronged the first wife in any way.
There is a problem, that’s why the divorce gets filed.
We’d have to pull up the wordings of the hadith to discuss this, but from what I remember reading, the Prophet (SAW) told Ali (R) to not take a second wife since this is hurting his daughter. Not that it’s ok you do it, I’ll just talk to my daughter and convince her to be patient.