Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
^ Yah, I've felt very self-centered when I first got married. I tried to fight it, just noticed a natural tendency. I just felt myself to be pretty immature and not ready/willing to give up my life to raise another.
^ It's fun. You will enjoy every second of it. As for the actual process of birth, take epidural and you'll feel a little relaxed compared to pure natural birth. Don't think I am making this up, I asked my wife and she said that the pain is there, but by that time your body has slowly adjusted and gotten itself ready to give birth, so it's not as bad as you may think.
are u serious,take epidural n then see all those people cutting u,taking ur intestines out,n mostly now doctors prefer cesaren
I am not married yet, so don’t have one yet…
anyway… for some people it can be financial stability, for some people it can be that they need more time to be comfortable with the idea of bringing a new life in this world and accept all the responsibilities with, for some people it can be that they need to be more physically and emotionally fit, some people might want to finish school before they start a family…so on so forth…
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
No matter what the reason may be for waiting - or wanting to wait - it is no one's business but your own. So if people bug you about it, just smile and tell them that when its time and when God/Allah wills it, THEN it will be."
Aside from that, I really dont care what age you are, you are never totally prepared for it, for the overwhelming responsibility and magic of parenthood. Maturity helps but that is not the be-all of parenthood IMHO. I mean, what if your child has trouble? My firstborn has issues and I have to say that this has been beyond anything I could ever have imagined to get the right help and to endure some pretty trying times. And I am an "older" mom, i was SO ready to have kids. It is the "toughest job you'll ever love" and every second of every day, my littles are my world, my universe. SO worth waiting for, troubles and all.
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
i dont want to have kids till im over 30 because i want to enjoy my career. and cuz i hate kids.
**I see. It is a business of the people ‘attached’ to you. We don’t need to go into details, but if you don’t want childrens at all you make it clear and then it’s fine. Lekin waise bi, Khuda peda karne waala hai, insaan naheen, or yeh uski bool hai. This is now a different Topic. You don’t need to be so harsh with that.
**What makes you think you are never ‘totally’ prepared for? experience? When we don’t ‘prepare’ and don’t look further, what are we supposed to do then?
wait, wait, wait our lives away?
???
Please don't come with **"I can't handle a child, I'm not able yet"...That's absolute ridiculous.
Have Fun writing down your reasons. Meet you later. **
I have waited over 3 years.
because I CAN'T FIND A WIFE.
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
^:omg:
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
Even though we didnt wait per say, i know i was afraid of having kids right away. I wanted to spend some more time with hubs, just me and him together. Its nice to have that couple time together since in our culture we dont have relationships before getting married (well usually we dont). So i think its nice to have that in a halal way.
So even though i wasnt ready for it, i got pregnant right away and lost the baby a couple months into the pregnancy. That was really really hard to go through even though i thought i wasnt ready for it.
i dont want to have kids till im over 30 because i want to enjoy my career. and cuz i hate kids.
Why have them at all if you hate them?
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
lolz^
Numb, yes you’re right - my first comment was a bit off-topic…though there have been many threads here on this forum from gals who are frustrated about wanting to wait but getting all kinds of grief from relatives and friends who expect a bulging belly within weeks after the honeymoon!
Anyway…about being prepared. Of course, people do their best to prepare for parenthood - learning about baby care, getting in all of the “tools of the trade” so to speak and learning how to use them. The thing you can never fully understand is the miracle of birth and then the huge responsibility of having a little person who is completely dependent upon you. Not that its a bad thing…its actually a wondrous and joyous thing. It changes everything about your life and much about your outlook and perspective on life. These are the things that need to be experienced before you can understand them and thats why I said that you can never truly be fully prepared. No way did I mean to wait and wait…I did and I really kind of wish that I had met my hubby and had my boyz at a younger age!
me and hubs will be completing 3 yrs of our marriage in Jan 09. First year, I was busy finishing my graduation, then we delayed it cus we wanted to live our lives to the fullest... the independence, carefree attitude that came with it was enticing enough for us to delay preg. I know baccha Allah hi deta hia but we as humans, can plan according to our situation and prefferences. another reason was our insecurity of having insufficient money to raise a kid... i mean lets admit, a baby is not just a responsbility but also requires the parents to be financially stable. Now Alhamdulillah since 2 months we r tryin for a baby and Inshallah next month or in few months for now, I m expecting sum relly gud news. i m turnin 25 next month and i think its the rite time to go for it... i think my days of independence are almost comin to an end... but have no worry about that, i enjoyed the most of it till it lasted and cant wait for my transition as a mom :)
Why have them at all if you hate them?
oh sahar... trust me u dunno the feelin.. i hate kids too.. theyre noisy and soooo hyper active... i mean i cant tolerate unruly and hyper kids... i just pray i wudnt have one.. AMEEEEEEEEN!!! :P i hope my attitude changes after i have a kid... but before that i can say not only am i worried abt losing my independence, carefree life but also... sleepless nites, lifestyle change etc... i so dun wanna miss on that, but i have no choice i guess.... being parent is never easy i know.
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
Just an fyi...I always had SUCH a distaste for little kids, I thought they were gross, dirty and demanding little buggerz lol! But WHAT a turnaround when I had my own!! Amazing thing it truly was. First came the love of my life and the desire to procreate with him - to give him the best gift a woman could ever give to a man. THEN came the boyz and what a difference there was! I have to say that when you have your own, things truly ARE very different. So not to worry ladies...even if you cant stand littles. Your OWN will be different :)
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
before my wedding I always thought I would wait, but as time goes on and I look into the next 2-3 years I dont know whether that is realistic timescale for me. I think you have to work and comprimise with ur husband to see whats best, things/thoughts always change. So i haven't given my self a limit now, I want to see how things go and god willing whenever the time comes it will be right for us.
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
I had a cousin who did not want any children for the first few yrs of marriage...because he wanted to 'try' out the marriage first to see if it was going to be a lasting relationship. yes thats the 'gora' mentality, lets live together and see if it works out...in our culture more young couples are opting to start families late because they want to be sure they are not tied down in a marriage of convenience just for the sake of kids.
Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?
I've been married nearly three years and have no children. I will not have children for a long time, if I have any at all. If I did, I would adopt, straight up. I recognize that 1. a person should always be stable before bringing another life into the world, and 2. that there are SO many orphans that NEED families, it's downright SELFISH to deny them that and to bring another person into this world. We already lack the resources to support all of the people on this planet, yet some people can't look beyond their own selfish need to pass on their genes.
I believe that every family should not have more than two children, and for every child, adopt two more.
Of course, that would be ideal. I may just care too much about the needs of people already alive. I couldn't pop one out and imagine the millions who are dying of starvation because I couldn't go beyond my own bias of what motherhood really means.
These things keep me awake at night. If you ignore the suffering of others and choose not to help, then you are a culprit in their suffering.
I had a cousin who did not want any children for the first few yrs of marriage...because he wanted to 'try' out the marriage first to see if it was going to be a lasting relationship. yes thats the 'gora' mentality, lets live together and see if it works out...in our culture more young couples are opting to start families late because they want to be sure they are not tied down in a marriage of convenience just for the sake of kids.
It's not "trying," out the marriage. It's seeing how compatible a family is. You need time as a couple to settle down and understand eachother. You need to solidify your relationship with your spouse before you bring more people (and burden), into the world. It's very smart to wait for children.