What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

[Sara516]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

^Chicken ke…

[aahmed]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Decent 6Chora

We are not talking about needs but about the “responsibility” of the needs. Like Man should be fulfilling the basic needs of the wife, its his “responsibility” but when it comes to …lets say Makeup, shoes (one/two pair every month) etc should this be his responsibility to?

Thanks for clearing that up 6choray… it makes sense now. In that case, yes, food, shelter, safety, protection, love/affection, the occasional luxury.

Sara, you have a one track mind but I believe that sexually gratifying your wife is a man’s responsibility too. Now romantic gratification like candle lit dinners and other crap like that, I don’t think that’s a responsibility.

[Muzna]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@aahmed

I believe that sexually gratifying your wife is a man’s responsibility too. Now romantic gratification like candle lit dinners and other crap like that, I don’t think that’s a responsibility.

So how often does a man “sexually” gratify his wife when he’s really not in the mood but she obviously is?

I’m curious.

[Sara516]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@aahmed

Thanks for clearing that up 6choray… it makes sense now. In that case, yes, food, shelter, safety, protection, love/affection, the occasional luxury.

Sara, you have a one track mind but I believe that sexually gratifying your wife is a man’s responsibility too. Now romantic gratification like candle lit dinners and other crap like that, I don’t think that’s a responsibility.

I do NOT have a one track mind

If that’s what it takes for ur wife to be totally in the mood, candle lit dinners and whatnot, then why shouldn’t he be responsible for that ??

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Sara516

I do NOT have a one track mind

If that’s what it takes for ur wife to be totally in the mood, candle lit dinners and whatnot, then why shouldn’t he be responsible for that ??

coz it’s not really part of our culture. it belongs to the romantic fantasies of the West.

[Ira]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

^, Lol, romance has to have a culture? You mean girls in pak/middle east will hate you for bringing them flowes and taking them to candle lit dinners? If Valentine's day can be celebrated in pak, aur peechay kia reh jata hai?

And what about girls who are of desi origin but raised in the West? Should they change the notion of roomance in their heads to that of their husbands?? or should there be a mutual understanding of it??

Sorry, I know I am going extremely off topic.

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Muzna

So how often does a man “sexually” gratify his wife when he’s really not in the mood but she obviously is?

I’m curious.

i think it’s usually the other way round.

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Ira

^, Lol, romance has to have a culture? You mean girls in pak/middle east will hate you for bringing them flowes and taking them to candle lit dinners? If Valentine’s day can be celebrated in pak, aur peechay kia reh jata hai?

And what about girls who are of desi origin but raised in the West? Should they change the notion of roomance in their heads to that of their husbands?? or should there be a mutual understanding of it??

Sorry, I know I am going extremely off topic.

It’s true that romance is universal, but the way it’s expressed varies in different cultures. Candle-lit dinners belong to a culture where food is eaten with knives and forks and on tables. In our Pakistani culture, food is eaten with hands and on the floor or on charpoys. Our romantic equivalent of the candle-lit dinner is the dutiful wife plying her husband with boti and roti after a hard day’s work.

If the girls of Pakistan feel ashamed of their cultural practices and wish to imitate candle-lit dinners in the dingy restaurants of Dera Ghazi Khan, then perhaps the man would be under an obligation (romantic) to take her out.

As for the desis bred in exile, it depends how wannabe they are.

[Mehnaz]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@wunderkind

Our romantic equivalent of the candle-lit dinner is the dutiful wife plying her husband with boti and roti after a hard day’s work.

Actually, everybody’s idea of ‘romance’ is different. For example, feeding my man botis and roti after standing in the kitchen cooking for him isn’t my idea of romantic. If anything, this scenario would be an everyday occurrence, cooking for your partner and making sure dinner is hot and ready for him after his long, hard day at work. For me, that would eventually kill the romance if that is all that were happening. Then again, candle lit dinners isn’t exactly romantic either.

Romance is more of a feeling and you don’t necessarily need to do anything to/for your partner in order to achieve these feelings. You can create it with mere words.

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@MehnazQ

Romance is more of a feeling and you don’t necessarily need to do anything to/for your partner in order to achieve these feelings. You can create it with mere words.

Those words too can become as banal and humdrum as the daily cooking and washing. Lifelong romance is a fantasy.

[picoico]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

There is nothing basic about the needs of a wife...so I have been told...

[Sara516]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

** Our romantic equivalent of the candle-lit dinner is the dutiful wife plying her husband with boti and roti after a hard day’s work. **

Acutally that is kinda sweet, at first… it’s romantic when it’s done out of love and affection, not becoz its something you always do and what’s expected of you and it’s taken for granted..

**If the girls of Pakistan feel ashamed of their cultural practices and wish to imitate candle-lit dinners in the dingy restaurants of Dera Ghazi Khan, then perhaps the man would be under an obligation (romantic) to take her out. **

** As for the desis bred in exile, it depends how wannabe they are. **

ahem and wha’ts wrong with eating at a table with knives and spoons and forks? Guess what? People in pak do that too Just because we take elements of another culture doesn’t mean that we’re wannabe or are ashamed of Pakistani culture..

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Sara516

wha’ts wrong with eating at a table with knives and spoons and forks? Guess what? People in pak do that too

i know that the rich people in pakistan eat with knives and forks. nothing wrong with that. but it’s not part of our culture.

@Sara516

Just because we take elements of another culture doesn’t mean that we’re wannabe or are ashamed of Pakistani culture..

depends on the reasons for taking elements from another culture. the wannabe motivation is always there.

[Sara516]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

Ok.. well 1 example is i don’t eat with my hands (in public) coz i dont wanna gross others out or anything more than a tissue to wipe ur mouth or hands with is NOT available… at home it’s no problem.. is that being wannabe?

Also, some ppl just prefer certain things just because… there’s no underlying "ihate my culture!!) reasoning behind it… unfortunately that’s the assumption that a lot of ppl have abt people raised outside of pak…

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Sara516

Ok.. well 1 example is i don’t eat with my hands (in public) coz i dont wanna gross others out or anything more than a tissue to wipe ur mouth or hands with is NOT available… at home it’s no problem.. is that being wannabe?

it’s not wannabe if it’s done in New York or London. But there’s no need to worry if you’re eating in Pakistan because people won’t mind your finger-licking. They’ll praise you for following “sunnah”.

@Sara516

Also, some ppl just prefer certain things just because… there’s no underlying "ihate my culture!!) reasoning behind it… unfortunately that’s the assumption that a lot of ppl have abt people raised outside of pak…

Ultimately, you have to convince yourself that there is no underlying subconscious “i hate my culture” reasoning behind it.

[Sara516]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@wunderkind

it’s not wannabe if it’s done in New York or London. But there’s no need to worry if you’re eating in Pakistan because people won’t mind your finger-licking. They’ll praise you for following “sunnah”.

Ultimately, you have to convince yourself that there is no underlying subconscious “i hate my culture” reasoning behind it.

Nah, i just don’t do it in front of a lot of ppl, even in pak… im sloppy and messy enuff as it is

Now eatin roti wit a fork and knife.. thas a lil strange

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@Mamaof3

as far as material needs…IF a husband can provide shelter, put 3 meals a day on the table with meat if desired, keep wifey and kids warm in winter, cool in summer, keep everyone in decent clothing…well then all needs are met. anything beyond this is gravy and should be appreciated…not just from perspective of wife to husband but from overall humanity…the above things are available to THE TOP 3 PERCENT of humans on the planet. So how lucky are YOU?!!

makeup is NOT to be considered a “need”!!! lol!! matter of fact, with 3 little boys running around, its more likely to end up on our walls rather than my face!

There is just something about this which irks me. I hope you don’t mean that if a man is earning nicely, that all he really needs to do is shelter, 3 meals, warm winters decent clothing, cool summers, and that’s IT.

So, what happens with the rest of the money then? If he blows it on himself, and he’s fulfilling these necessities, then he is justified?

In that case, lady, sorry, but I’m going to stick with my job after having kids, cuz then if I wanna buy myself some bling bling, then no hoo-haa is going to stop me from doing it.

Its MY money, and I’ll spend it how IIIIIIIIIII WANT.

His money, is not HIS. Its the family’s. Period. He can go stick his head in a hole if he wants to out of frustration, but there is NO justification for a guy spending on himself and then giving his wife and kids some cheapo blankets and k-mart clothes.

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

getting back to topic... i think a wife's basic needs include comfort, security and love. a wife's basic needs should not be dependent on wealth. hence, candle-lit dinners or expensive jewellery can never be basic needs. the poor have just as much right to love as the rich. in fact, it's often in poor and deprived societies and in extreme circumstances that one sees true love.

[wunderkind]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

basic needs vs. "not-basic" needs... is that hard to get?

[Mehnaz]

Re: What are the BASIC NEEDS of a wife?

@PyariCgudia

There is just something about this which irks me. I hope you don’t mean that if a man is earning nicely, that all he really needs to do is shelter, 3 meals, warm winters decent clothing, cool summers, and that’s IT.

So, what happens with the rest of the money then? If he blows it on himself, and he’s fulfilling these necessities, then he is justified?

In that case, lady, sorry, but I’m going to stick with my job after having kids, cuz then if I wanna buy myself some bling bling, then no hoo-haa is going to stop me from doing it.

Its MY money, and I’ll spend it how IIIIIIIIIII WANT.

His money, is not HIS. Its the family’s. Period. He can go stick his head in a hole if he wants to out of frustration, but there is NO justification for a guy spending on himself and then giving his wife and kids some cheapo blankets and k-mart clothes.

PCG, the thread starter is talking about basic needs, the necessities of life, that ‘the husband’ must provide to his wife. His initial example was about a guy having to buy his wife expensive shoes and make up every month, and the wife claiming it was a ‘basic need’. He hasn’t said anything about how much money is being brought in or how much he’s spending on himself as ‘the husband’.

I also don’t see Mamaof3 implying anything about it being o.k. for ‘the husband’ to spend on himself while not providing material goods to his wife either … … not sure where you got that from since all Mama is talking about are ‘basic needs’.