What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

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Dear middle class/upper class Pakistani women,

Hi…anonymous single Pakistani guy here…listen, shut up for a second and tell me…what exactly are you looking for in men? What do you Pakistani women want exactly because I just don’t get it.

*DISCLAIMER: I’m not talking about women who are forced into marriage…I’m talking specifically about these new-age middle class/upper class goldiggers. So using this argument “oh they have no choice” won’t cut it.
*
It simply amazes me how materialistic and selfish Pakistani women (from the demographic I just stated) are. I mean they’re supposed to be educated…but when it comes to marriage they’re JAHIL. I don’t think there is another group of women anywhere in the world who are more materialistic, selfish and obsessed with money than Pakistani women…I’ve heard Iranian women can be quite picky, but Pakistani women are taking it to a whole new level nowadays.

I’m not a traditional Pakistani when it comes to marriage. I find the whole concept disgusting…maybe that plays into it…but hear me out.

The family dresses the woman up and parades her out like she’s cattle to a potential man who is interested…because that’s what guys are looking for eh? A face? A hot body? Not me…sorry. I always find it hilarious when they do this…as if I’m going to be woo’ed by her looks. Sorry, this isn’t 1953 anymore. Sure, look nice, but I don’t need 5 inches of foundation and charcoal eyeliner to be impressed.

And I love it when they (the brides family) start asking about the guy…forget about normal things like “is he a nice guy” or “does he have a job” or “where did you study?”…They’ll ask…“how many cars does he have?”…or “does he have a big house? where in Defence? Cantt?” and “how much money does he make?” and my my two favourite questions… “how much land does he own?” and “what does his father/brothers do?”

I mean FFS seriously? Are you marrying my father? 0_o

I usually defend Pakistani culture for the most part because I’m a firm believer that eastern culture has more soul and purpose in life, but when it comes to marriage…I’m sorry, this is the most disgusting concept I have ever come across in my life. This is one thing I admire about the west…a man and woman for the most part are looking for people who are compatible with one another…rarely does economics come into question. If the woman and man like each other, they will go out on a limb to make it work somehow, and MOST times one or the other will even sacrifice for the other. Never will things like money come into play. Most women in the west are just looking for a nice guy.

In Pakistan, being a “nice guy” is equated to being weak…it seems like Pakistani women want an prick to boss them around and beat them just as long as they get free money every week to go shopping. If Pakistani women were in the west, they’d be labelled GOLDDIGGERS. Iranian women in the west already have this label, so it comes to no surprise why Pakistani women are no different.

This is why I have no remorse for women when they marry idiots just for money and then those idiots end up beating them. Take Annie (that Pyar Mahiya singer)…did you see that fat slob she married? What did she see in him? I’ll tell you…$CHING CHING$ is what she saw. Then she saw his fist smashing her face in and it was Chris Brown all over again. Then they got divorced.

I’m ranting on this because a friend of mine just got divorced…after 2 years. I mean…they were well off middle class folks…she’s educated and a doctor (or should I say suppose to be a doctor) and he works as a CA. When my friend suggested to her wife that she NOT give up medicine, and continue working in the field…she went bat**** crazy…claiming “men are suppose to take care of women” and blah blah blah…WTF? Basically she only married him because he had money and thought she wouldn’t have to work ever again and just sit at home waiting to get (deleted) every other night by him.

I mean the nerve of this girl. First you get educated at a government medical college (which by the way is subsidized by the tax payers of Pakistan), then when she gets her degree, uses it to get married and then throws her life away because she’s a lazy (deleted) who doesn’t want to work. And this happens more common than you think!

Anyway, he booted her out and I’m so happy for him. The retarded thing was both families tried hard to “save the marriage”. How do you save this when the woman you married cares about your bank account than you? At the same time, the man is at fault for not noticing these things earlier.

Sorry, I had to let this out…this is why I’ve been hesitant to get married myself. I’m approaching 30 next year and I’m under immense pressure to get married. But I’ve seen 2 divorces from 2 different friends of mine now over the past 4 years…it seems divorces are hitting an all time high…sorry not interested. I’d rather take my time and my chances and wait a while…

I apologise in advance if this offended anyone, but I had to let this out. Some of it might be my bias as a man, but some of this surely has some truth to it. I’d love to hear the other side…from our female commentators at this forum in particular or those who have survived marriage.

Thanks.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Marry a poor woman.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Wanna marry me ? I'm nothing like the above. And funny enough I have a lot of trouble finding down to earth men. Most men in the U.S. of Pakistani descent WANT these gold diggers. Trophy wives etc. and the guys parents want the MD title just to show off. They don't want the girl to actually practice.

I find it an anomaly that your friend's divorce was because the girl didn't want to work and wasn't the type to be authentic to her career. That's not most Pakistani marriages.

Girls' families are grooming their daughters this way because they know this is what well to do families want. A degree on the wall but a housewife in reality. Just so they can boast their housewife is smarter than others and her kids will be smart.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

"...anonymous single Pakistani guy here...listen, shut up for a second and tell me".

What a gentleman way of asking for advice.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

We don't want a guy telling us "to shut up and listen to him", calling us gold-diggers,..
.(I will add as I read your stupid post.)

Show some respect!

Wow! Why are you entertaining these chai parties if you don't plan on marrying a traditional woman? I am glad you are not married, from your post it doesn't seem as if you have much respect for women. Please, marriage process in West is not as simple as you have portrayed in your head.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Bakhat badal riya hai khaN...nikallo patli gali se :) j/k

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Oh, this was hilarious to read.

Someone was rejected and feels the need to cry online. :whistling:

Also, pal… It’s “cha-ching”. “Ching-ching” is what an uncle would mistakenly say while trying to be cool, when he meant “bling bling”. :bummer:

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Ditto. What's stopping you from doing that.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

You think that western women aren't materialistic? Perhaps, the reason that your upper class women in Pakistan seem worse to you is because they emulate the West.

Considering that I come from a life sciences background, I think that mothers, esp. Pakistan girls who do become one, have that genetic disposition as all women do for "security" and the fact is that it isn't the nice guy, but the guy with money who will buy her security in vulnerable times like when she is pregnant. Aside from that, I refuse to believe that there aren't good pakistani women in the million+ pool of them in Pakistan as that would make me a male Reham Khan.

PS Not that OP is one, but I remember an indian dude complaining about money and not having a good job. He was working an hourly job at the college bookstore with me when I went to school, not an engineer so I could understand why. He wasn't a catch when it came to looks but I think that if he had money, he would be very much acceptable to many indian girls. The point of the story is that marriage isn't a joke; don't get married if you don't have the $$ or the will to get $$ as children (+wife) are big expenses especially when it comes to desi girls. Of course, many of us don't drink, go clubbing, or do drugs, so you do save hundreds of dollars each month on that.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

^ always thought you're a dude.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

see below.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

All these rishwatkhors, frauds corrupt liars and cheaters aren't really greedy for money. Only women are greedy.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Nice guys don't do well anywhere in the world. Out here in the West women sleep around with bad boys until they decide they want to settle down and have some babies. In the mean time, nice guys work their butt off to do well in school and get decent careers. Once these nice guys have a stable income women, who've had their fun with guys, convince them to get married. I know it's sad. Oh, I forgot to mention the risk of getting divorced because you, the nice guy, aren't fun enough. And you still get to pay for her, the kids and her boy toys.

Pakistan is still a better place to find a spouse since you don't have to worry about her having slept with the whole frickin town. I'm not saying you'll get someone who hasn't been with anyone before you at all but at least her resume won't include her doing the whole town. Things just aren't that easy over there yet.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

I think muslim desi communities need to come up with something to make it easy for girls and guys to meet each other and talk. The girls on shadi sites, they aren't even serious, or on a high horse, and there is no way to meet a girl in person except maybe if you find them at work or school. If you don't know any, you are basically screwed. Only thing I can think of if you want to successfully meet a muslim girl, is to call your mom and she would make sure a chick or two will drag a trolley in front of you with a smile lol

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

OP may think he's the one that's been wronged. But here are some thoughts:

Even though you live abroad, there are always culture, and religious implications, as well as affects that will effect you, and your life, even if you're not religious, or cultural, or things like that.

You have to ask yourself, how religious are you? How religious do u think u will be? People change as they age, and just because u didn't care about religion, or didn't care about culture back then means u won't in the future? How likely r u to find someone exactly 100% like you? Do u want religious girl or modern american girl or someone in the middle somewhere?

what are you expecting? a girl that will stay home? or one that will work side to side and make equal or more contribution?
can't have it all dude. Life is about compromises, and make it work together in the end, not just the rosy times but also the bad times when things are not good or up as u want. Can't just dump someone because they slack in something.

If you're going to go to Pakistan, or look for someone Pakistani (let's face it, there are levels of Pakistanis, i mean how much each family or girl are religious or how much they value their culture/religion or follow it to what extent), so u need to decide or compromise on this. There are golddiggers everywhere, and there are strict religious people in Pakistan as well as abroad, and those that stick to their culture, and those who run after indian or american cultures and try to be them all the time (confusion of identity).

But one thing is for sure, if you leave out Islam and Allah from your lives, they will be full of depression, and unhappiness. the further away you go from the religion and its teachings, expect your life to be same. This is why you see a great number of depressions, mental illnesses in people here in developed countries, despite having big homes with big cars and garages, but nafsiyati marez type disfunctional families, and the social-cultural-religious issues they face. On outside they look happy to others and all that jazz, but when u go deep inside, you can easily spot the issues/problems.

The girls are part of those families, some are nice, decent, some are not. It's hard to find whether or not they're after money or not, or after nationalities, etc or so. But things are still better in Pakistan, and you can find good people provided you make an effort YOURSELVES, not rely on others so much. Don't just pay someone, u have to go live, and search there. Remember, there has to be compromise. You can't find 100% fit criteria people, nobody is perfect. And when you make a committment, then go with it and don't break down in the middle or start fighting and breaking families. And don't use Islam to your benefit to degrade or teach a lesson to someone else.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

It's not about being poor or rich. That wasn't the point of my rant. The question is, why are they so many Pakistani women so materialistic and greedy for money these days? And on top of it don't want to work! Marriage in Pakistan almost feels like a business contact rather than a union of 2 people.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

I wasn't blaming the woman...it's society which is at fault...the man is also at fault. He just got woo'd in by her looks. He's no different. I also blame the parents of our generation who are beyond warped and hypocritical.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Why should I respect women? Because they're women? Isn't that being sexist in a way? Are women that weak that they need the constant "respect" 24 hours a day.

I wish more Pakistani men were like me and not pussy-whipped. Maybe that outta teach Pakistani women to get back in line and grow up.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

I’m not here for advice…I’m here to stick it to golddiggers…looks like I hit a nerve with you.

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Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

There are advantages and disadvantages of both societies when it comes to meeting people.

In the west it's easier to meet people and see what they're REALLY like...as you can spend time with them alone even before marriage comes into question. In Pakistan that's much harder. But your point also makes sense when it comes to fooling around. It would be nice if Pakistani society could strike a balance between the two.