What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

[AnwarLHR]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@Doppleganger

You think that western women aren't materialistic? Perhaps, the reason that your upper class women in Pakistan seem worse to you is because they emulate the West.

Considering that I come from a life sciences background, I think that mothers, esp. Pakistan girls who do become one, have that genetic disposition as all women do for "security" and the fact is that it isn't the nice guy, but the guy with money who will buy her security in vulnerable times like when she is pregnant. Aside from that, I refuse to believe that there aren't good pakistani women in the million+ pool of them in Pakistan as that would make me a male Reham Khan.

PS Not that OP is one, but I remember an indian dude complaining about money and not having a good job. He was working an hourly job at the college bookstore with me when I went to school, not an engineer so I could understand why. He wasn't a catch when it came to looks but I think that if he had money, he would be very much acceptable to many indian girls. The point of the story is that marriage isn't a joke; don't get married if you don't have the $$ or the will to get $$ as children (+wife) are big expenses especially when it comes to desi girls. Of course, many of us don't drink, go clubbing, or do drugs, so you do save hundreds of dollars each month on that.

Western women (particularly teens and those in the early 20s) are materialistic...but like I wrote in another post, I've grown in both societies and I've noticed women in the late 20s and 30s for the most part are not materialistic at all. To me, Western women seem more mature and down to Earth. They seem more liberated in the sense that they don't need/want a man to look after them...that they're capable of taking care of themselves. This is what I like in a woman...being needy and wanting to sit at home all day eating up MY money isn't exactly a turn on.

[AnwarLHR]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@Gujranwalay

OP may think he's the one that's been wronged. But here are some thoughts:

Even though you live abroad, there are always culture, and religious implications, as well as affects that will effect you, and your life, even if you're not religious, or cultural, or things like that.

You have to ask yourself, how religious are you? How religious do u think u will be? People change as they age, and just because u didn't care about religion, or didn't care about culture back then means u won't in the future? How likely r u to find someone exactly 100% like you? Do u want religious girl or modern american girl or someone in the middle somewhere?

what are you expecting? a girl that will stay home? or one that will work side to side and make equal or more contribution? can't have it all dude. Life is about compromises, and make it work together in the end, not just the rosy times but also the bad times when things are not good or up as u want. Can't just dump someone because they slack in something.

If you're going to go to Pakistan, or look for someone Pakistani (let's face it, there are levels of Pakistanis, i mean how much each family or girl are religious or how much they value their culture/religion or follow it to what extent), so u need to decide or compromise on this. There are golddiggers everywhere, and there are strict religious people in Pakistan as well as abroad, and those that stick to their culture, and those who run after indian or american cultures and try to be them all the time (confusion of identity).

But one thing is for sure, if you leave out Islam and Allah from your lives, they will be full of depression, and unhappiness. the further away you go from the religion and its teachings, expect your life to be same. This is why you see a great number of depressions, mental illnesses in people here in developed countries, despite having big homes with big cars and garages, but nafsiyati marez type disfunctional families, and the social-cultural-religious issues they face. On outside they look happy to others and all that jazz, but when u go deep inside, you can easily spot the issues/problems.

The girls are part of those families, some are nice, decent, some are not. It's hard to find whether or not they're after money or not, or after nationalities, etc or so. But things are still better in Pakistan, and you can find good people provided you make an effort YOURSELVES, not rely on others so much. Don't just pay someone, u have to go live, and search there. Remember, there has to be compromise. You can't find 100% fit criteria people, nobody is perfect. And when you make a committment, then go with it and don't break down in the middle or start fighting and breaking families. And don't use Islam to your benefit to degrade or teach a lesson to someone else.

I agree with that...

[Anjul]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Considering the posts, it is evident that women have a socially equal say in marriages also and this is good. If we see newspapers many higher class women/men also have married to comparatively rich men/women. This may be genuine love for him/her or for wealth. It seems that such cases from women side are more because society is still largely patriarchal. Sometimes people feel like as if there is a swayamwar lolz. Well, yahi..yahi laRkiyaN aage chalkar auntiyaN bantiN haiN aur phir Nadia Khan ko kosti haiN :) j/k

[Paheli00]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@AnwarLHR

To me, Western women seem more mature and down to Earth. They seem more liberated in the sense that they don't need/want a man to look after them...that they're capable of taking care of themselves. This is what I like in a woman...being needy and wanting to sit at home all day eating up MY money isn't exactly a turn on.

Then what is preventing you from marrying a western woman?

[Deeba1234]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

^That

Or someone who already has her own money if gold-digging is an issue.. OP mentioned upper class women too, do they need to marry for money anyway?

Lots of blame on the women but surely their families and society in general are behind it.. If you put the majority of women in a position where they’ll be dependent surely it’s to be expected that there will be more emphasis on security..

[_Iraj]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

its just involvement and understanding.

money does not matter to some people

[Chaudhry_sahab]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

To OP, well hard to follow your story here as it has some what opinion embedded in it! I honestly dont think based on your post you are justified to label an entire group! Hoping things work out for you and your friend and I do think there is more to a divorce than just a thing or two. Sometimes people are not meant for each other and they just need a reason to split. I do think I have to strongly disagree to term gold digger for an average Pakistani / Pakistani origin woman.

[chapter_2]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

When women start looking for men, they see a split coming, and that way, nobody understands music better than musician and their husbands. blogs troll along! GS is a naughty gang bro!

[ALIREZA1]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@Deeba1234

^That

Or someone who already has her own money if gold-digging is an issue.. OP mentioned upper class women too, do they need to marry for money anyway?

Lots of blame on the women but surely their families and society in general are behind it.. If you put the majority of women in a position where they’ll be dependent surely it’s to be expected that there will be more emphasis on security..

For him to marry a western woman, he would need to find one who would want to marry him..lol. These girls need to be with men who can excite and stimulate them.

[waleedhbk]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Women are gold diggers and thats for sure and Pakistani women after marriage just doesnt care about their careers and just want to make babies and become fat thats it

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@Pisiform

I think muslim desi communities need to come up with something to make it easy for girls and guys to meet each other and talk. The girls on shadi sites, they aren't even serious, or on a high horse, and there is no way to meet a girl in person except maybe if you find them at work or school. If you don't know any, you are basically screwed. Only thing I can think of if you want to successfully meet a muslim girl, is to call your mom and she would make sure a chick or two will drag a trolley in front of you with a smile lol

There are venues, but it costs $$ to fly out. Having said that, try the following. Yes, it is finding a needle in a haystack. But it will be that way through websites, in-person meetups, etc. Even family introductions will be like that, but if your family is non-materialistic, you will likely meet non-materialistic families and their daughters, because that's the pond you're swimming in. My pond was pretty small of such families. And plus, if you're a career person, and you're spending 80-100 plus hours / week on work or studies, it's hard to meet people generally speaking.

Try:

ishqr.com (used to be called hipstershaadi.com) - it's free, nice layout, has an associated app now so you can text on the go with potential suitors, generally organized looking and so far hasn't been spam-bombed by fobs. I think maybe the mods screen profiles to make sure fobs and people with awful spellings aren't approved.

halfourdeen - It's cheap. 5 dollars a month. Organized catchy layout. User-friendly. Does not have an app. But HOD now does meetups in different parts of the country. They are looking to network with people who can host events in their area too, so if you feel your area is lacking, then get in touch with them. Generally a more religion-based crowd there, so it hasn't worked for me since I'm not a hijabi. But I have met a few people from there, and they were good people. There are some international profiles, but the moderators are quick to take off scammers. I reported this one guy and they got rid of him.

Muzmatch - user friendly app

Minder - this is an app that has A LOT of people, nearly everyone in the US seems to know about it given how easily it freezes. They have too many people, and their app can't handle it, but once you get approved it's good to meet people off there - I met lots of folks from there.

Dil Mil - it's a general south asian app that you can fine tune to find people of your religious background. Great if you're looking to marry a south asian, and don't want to be profile bombed by arabs and other ethnicities that we don't fit with.

Halaler - it's ok; also an app

There are a few other apps you can try, but they seem to be on a smaller scale.

Events:

ISNA matrimonials
APPNA matrimonials and professional networking events for young professionals
ICNA
Halfourdeen
Meetup.com - just look up groups with keywords involving your religion or cultural background. I've started a few such groups, and lots exist out there.
Facebook groups - if you look in the area you live, you'll find meetup type groups - that advertise activities of common interests.

There are a lot of good girls out there. I am one of them, and I've met like minded women, so we aren't RARE. There are way more problems with the guys out there and their expectations than the girls.

You just have to meet people and give them a chance.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

Oh and OMG, try match.com. I'm not sure about e-harmony, but I'm sure there are people on there too. But lots of folks on match.com. Religious and liberal alike are on there. It's incredible how so many muslim guys are on that website.

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@PyariCgudia

There are venues, but it costs $$ to fly out. Having said that, try the following. Yes, it is finding a needle in a haystack. But it will be that way through websites, in-person meetups, etc. Even family introductions will be like that, but if your family is non-materialistic, you will likely meet non-materialistic families and their daughters, because that's the pond you're swimming in. My pond was pretty small of such families. And plus, if you're a career person, and you're spending 80-100 plus hours / week on work or studies, it's hard to meet people generally speaking.

Try:

ishqr.com (used to be called hipstershaadi.com) - it's free, nice layout, has an associated app now so you can text on the go with potential suitors, generally organized looking and so far hasn't been spam-bombed by fobs. I think maybe the mods screen profiles to make sure fobs and people with awful spellings aren't approved.

halfourdeen - It's cheap. 5 dollars a month. Organized catchy layout. User-friendly. Does not have an app. But HOD now does meetups in different parts of the country. They are looking to network with people who can host events in their area too, so if you feel your area is lacking, then get in touch with them. Generally a more religion-based crowd there, so it hasn't worked for me since I'm not a hijabi. But I have met a few people from there, and they were good people. There are some international profiles, but the moderators are quick to take off scammers. I reported this one guy and they got rid of him.

Muzmatch - user friendly app

Minder - this is an app that has A LOT of people, nearly everyone in the US seems to know about it given how easily it freezes. They have too many people, and their app can't handle it, but once you get approved it's good to meet people off there - I met lots of folks from there.

Dil Mil - it's a general south asian app that you can fine tune to find people of your religious background. Great if you're looking to marry a south asian, and don't want to be profile bombed by arabs and other ethnicities that we don't fit with.

Halaler - it's ok; also an app

There are a few other apps you can try, but they seem to be on a smaller scale.

Events:

ISNA matrimonials APPNA matrimonials and professional networking events for young professionals ICNA Halfourdeen Meetup.com - just look up groups with keywords involving your religion or cultural background. I've started a few such groups, and lots exist out there. Facebook groups - if you look in the area you live, you'll find meetup type groups - that advertise activities of common interests.

There are a lot of good girls out there. I am one of them, and I've met like minded women, so we aren't RARE. There are way more problems with the guys out there and their expectations than the girls.

You just have to meet people and give them a chance.

Golly! PCG know her shi*.

[obaid1982]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@AnwarLHR

..being needy and wanting to sit at home all day eating up MY money isn't exactly a turn on.

Dude, with this type of thinking, you're not going to be able to have a successful marriage. After getting married, it not YOUR money, its "OUR MONEY", and WE both need to spend it wisely.
Since you are looking for rishta to a Pakistani girl, I take it that you are OK with islamic principles for marriage. And according to Islamic teaching, it is MAN who is financially responsible for taking care of his family. If a woman works, fine, but she cannot be forced to work. It is however required of a woman to be content with whatever lifestyle husband can provide her within means. If she does want to have international vacation every year, then by all means husband can ask her to contribute towards family finance.

Also, you are classifying a huge group of women as gold-diggers based on just a few experiences that you've come across. Yes, I will agree that materialism has been on the rise, but you cannot classify everyone based on a handful of cases.
Honestly, I cannot think of many women who would NOT want to work (in my experience, most women DO want to work). The problem usually happens when women are forced to work AND perform ALL the household duties as well, which is quite un-fair to them. Being a desi guy, I know for a fact that many of the guys wont even get up to drink a glass of water themselves, and would order their wives to bring it to them.

[Theorist]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@AnwarLHR

It's not about being poor or rich. That wasn't the point of my rant. The question is, w**hy are they so many Pakistani women so materialistic and greedy for money these days? And on top of it don't want to work! **Marriage in Pakistan almost feels like a business contact rather than a union of 2 people.

They are raised to believe that men are their caretakers and they should be provided for BUT it comes with a price. Men there also have expectations. Men expect their wives to respect and care for his family (and many times even live with them) and look after the kids and house . They also expect them to be good mothers, wives, and DILs. It is perfectly normal to have these expectations and you are weird if you expect anything different. A man who wants his wife to contribute financially is considered weak actually. Similarly, a woman who refuses to do what is accepted in our culture is considered evil. So basically, women are sacrificing their freedom in order to be taken care of financially and men are willing to provide so long a woman raises his kids and takes care of his parents and home. The culture is different and you are seeing only a part of it. I openly profess my dislike for desi culture mainly because I believe in being self-reliant and that love shouldn't come with conditions or expectations.

[LP]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@AnwarLHR

It’s not about being poor or rich. That wasn’t the point of my rant. The question is, why are they so many Pakistani women so materialistic and greedy for money these days? And on top of it don’t want to work! Marriage in Pakistan almost feels like a business contact rather than a union of 2 people.

**
Essential elements of a contract**
For a contract to be legally binding it must contain four essential elements:
*an offer
*an acceptance
*an intention to create a legal relationship
*a consideration (usually money).
However it may still be considered invalid if it:
*entices someone to commit a crime, or is illegal
*is entered into by someone that lacks capacity
*was agreed through misleading or deceptive conduct, duress, unconscionable conduct or undue influence.

How is any marriage not a contract

[Xtron]

Re: What are middle class Pakistani women really looking for in a man?

@obaid1982

Dude, with this type of thinking, you're not going to be able to have a successful marriage. After getting married, it not YOUR money, its "OUR MONEY", and WE both need to spend it wisely. Since you are looking for rishta to a Pakistani girl, I take it that you are OK with islamic principles for marriage. And according to Islamic teaching, it is MAN who is financially responsible for taking care of his family. If a woman works, fine, but she cannot be forced to work. It is however required of a woman to be content with whatever lifestyle husband can provide her within means. If she does want to have international vacation every year, then by all means husband can ask her to contribute towards family finance.

Also, you are classifying a huge group of women as gold-diggers based on just a few experiences that you've come across. Yes, I will agree that materialism has been on the rise, but you cannot classify everyone based on a handful of cases. Honestly, I cannot think of many women who would NOT want to work (in my experience, most women DO want to work). The problem usually happens when women are forced to work AND perform ALL the household duties as well, which is quite un-fair to them. Being a desi guy, I know for a fact that many of the guys wont even get up to drink a glass of water themselves, and would order their wives to bring it to them.

This is what i wanted to say as well.