I have a friend who is going through a tough situation. She asked me advice but i coulnd’t convince her her on what she should do…
with ur help i might give her a proper answer/advice..
Situation:
My friend is 25 now, and parents are looking for a good rishta for her. She is well educated (has done her MBA and works on permanent base). My friend has an elder sister, who got married 3 years ago in PK within fam. When the boy got in Europe, he made her life misserable and eventually after 1 year he gave her divorce and run away with all the gold and money of the sister of my friend.
Now the thing is, that the parents are searching for a partner for my friend from PK! knowing what their first son inlaw did with their elder daughter, they are willing to jump the same cliff again. My friend doesn’t want to hurt her parents by saying no… (she believes that her parents have the right to make such a decission for her, cuz they have done so much for her.. she believes it’s time to give them some happiness)…
The parents of my friend keep telling stories of allll the broken marriages within uk (thing’s like: “falaan falaan ki beti ney UK meyn shadi ki thi aur 1 saal shadi key baad us ki talaak hogey”… or another one i heard from her “us larki key walideyn ney shadi uk meyn karwayi.. 1 saal baad larka kehney laga mujhey ghar khareed ker do, mujhey car le ker do and akhir per talaak hogey” … when i heard these things i got shocked wthell, it’s kind of a blackmailing right?!?
I told my friend to tell her parents to stay open for rishtaa’s in UK aswell. If she wants to respect her parents, she can let them pick a hubby for her (from uk aswell), but it is HER who has to spend the rest of her life with… My friend doesn’t know how to explain it to her parents. She is scared that she might hurt her parents, or not get the blessings of her parents cuz of the fact it is a rishta in uk. I have explained my friend to give my sisters example with the boy from pk)… but she is scared that her parents might think she has a BF orso in uk (her parents are really sweet people, but they are scared of “gossips”, according to them people will talk if their daughter gets married in uk etc etc )
So guppies…
Any advice how to convince her/her parents? Or what advice should i give her?.. It is her entire life and i don’t want her to suffer like her sister did or like my sister is doing now… I offered to talk with her parents, but she doesn’t want that…
So any other advice would be appreciated very much!
So pretty much what you want is that her parents stay open to rishtas from the UK, right? Do they really think that rishtas from UK won't work out and the ones from Pakistan will? She could mention to them the stories she's heard and ask her parents what they can do to see that she also doesn't go through that type of thing. However, she would be the most appropriate person to talk to her parents about that. Or if someone they know who had a bad experience, they could also be suitable for conveying that concern to them, if they're close enough to the family.
NO two people are the same...what one did doesn't mean the other one will do exactly that. having said that and also having parents gone thru a bad experience, they must be very careful in trudging that path again. i would say stay away from finding a match for their daughter.
i think your friend's parents' must involve your friend in deciding upon a rishta. she must be given a chance to chose her life partner.
Exactly, i want her parents to see that rishta’s in UK or even abroad ain’t always bad.. mostly it is even better than boys from pk but how should i do?.. I offered my parents talk with hers.. but she said they would feel uncomfi so i shouldn’t… so i was a bit clue lesss…
they will ask her… but i know my friend… she is someone who never opens her mouth against her parents… even if she knows they are wrong
Tell your friend to talk to someone who will be able to convince her parents. Has her sister tried to talk to them about this? If there is nobody, then your friend must speak up for herself now. She needs to calmly explain that she wants to remain open to any potential proposals in the UK and give a list of good reasons as to why she wants this.
Do you talk to her parents? If you’re close enough with them, you could briefly mention what your family is going through without even bringing up the topic of marriage as such. Like maybe mention it to them and ask them for duas or something like that.
Tell your friend to talk to someone who will be able to convince her parents. Has her sister tried to talk to them about this? If there is nobody, then your friend must speak up for herself now. She needs to calmly explain that she wants to remain open to any potential proposals in the UK and give a list of good reasons as to why she wants this.
I think her sis didn't mentioned it yet... will try to to fix a dinner date with both sisters! Hope the sister of my friend will be more open minded and discuss it with her parents... The thing is.. they have no fam in uk... just the parents and a younger brother of 16 years... and thats the reason why she s more scared....
Do you talk to her parents? If you're close enough with them, you could briefly mention what your family is going through without even bringing up the topic of marriage as such. Like maybe mention it to them and ask them for duas or something like that.
Yes i do, and my parents do aswell.... mum had told her last week about it and they were shocked.... mum told them like "we thought pk ka larka ho ga ...esa nai hoga blalba" she was like yess i agreee... allah betiyan dey to kismat wali dey...
SL..these days..it is hard to trust. One of my friend who is professional accountant..got engaged to a girl who was doc in Pak. Well turned out...this girl had another motives. She just wanted to come to Canada and leave him. It is long story but..this came up with actual proof. So ya..look in UK for your friends or relatives.
Tell your friend to tell her parents that she will marry the guy of their choice but before finalizing anything she should be allowed to take a look at the guy and his family and give her opinion. She should also tell them to include any well wishers, they have, in the process as well and get their opinion.
This way her parents will be able to find guy of their choice but still she will be in the process and possibly others as well to make informed decision.
I have a friend who is going through a tough situation. She asked me advice but i coulnd't convince her her on what she should do.....
with ur help i might give her a proper answer/advice..
Situation:
My friend is 25...
So guppies...
Any advice how to convince her/her parents? Or what advice should i give her?.. It is her entire life and i don't want her to suffer like her sister did or like my sister is doing now... I offered to talk with her parents, but she doesn't want that....
So any other advice would be appreciated very much!
The advice I would give her is that you're a 25-yr old professional woman and you need to figure this out on your own. You've provided examples and now let her reflect and make her decision - let people decide on their own experiences and hopefully 25 years of life has given her adequate evidence on what's best for her. If not, that's her lesson to learn.
That sucks! Am sooo annoyed with ppl from pk! specially when there is a rishta process goin on i believe parents should give their kid oppertunity to get married within the country they life in :s
Have told her so… she doesn’t want to hurt her parents by telling/letting them know her opinion have asked her and her sis for dinner (as in a lady night) and gonn try to convince the sis of it …
Single muslim? Is it reliable?
well lets hope she is wise enough to catch the signals :(..
Hi, I don’t understand the reasoning behind this decision by her parents!?
As you mentioned this happened right in their own household, their daughter was unfortunate to go through this situation.
And yet they still give examples of broken marriages within the UK???
Honestly I think they should reconsider their stance. If your friend can’t talk to them directly then she can have someone else involved? How about your friends sister try to talk to her parents?
Trust me i dont understand it myself… I gave my friend tons of examplesof broken marriages with imported grooms n brides
Their reasoning is: agar uk meyn shadi huyi to log kaheynge larki ka chakker tha… Agar tab talaak huyi they will blame the girl.. Isiliye pk sahi hey (really wthell!!)..
I have spoken with my parents and mum said that if my friend and her sister aint understand or dont dare to talk to their parents mum will ask politly about it and have a good talk (from mother to mother, without my friends name involved…)
I'm just curious how she managed to do an MBA @ 25 as they usually ask for 5-6 years of work experience.
Marriage wise, there is one MASSIVE reason for a foreigner to play charades for a few years. That is eliminated by marrying a European citizen.
She has done study abroad... And there was nothin about work experience? I am doing my masters aswell... But no one has asked me for my work experience?...
Nyway, imported bride and grooms r playin awfull games this way
wthell, it’s kind of a blackmailing right?!?