Re: What Advice would you give?
Yes… To make them understand that uk marriages aint a flop… And to open their eyea for not ruining the lofe of my friend 
( cuz my friend won’t speak up to her parents -.-)
Re: What Advice would you give?
Is your friend against Pak ristaas im general or would she consider someone on her own wave length?
Perhaps a compromise can be reached. E.G. her parents consider going to a.ristaa agency which is repetable for Pak and they also consider UK ristass pretty much in the same way?
Re: What Advice would you give?
SL..these days..it is hard to trust. One of my friend who is professional accountant..got engaged to a girl who was doc in Pak. Well turned out...this girl had another motives. She just wanted to come to Canada and leave him. It is long story but..this came up with actual proof. So ya..look in UK for your friends or relatives.
I dont understand how some people are completely okay with importing a spouse. I'd be like.. so if it was not for my citizenship.. they might not even have married me in the first place.. Of course its different when theres feelings involved.
Re: What Advice would you give?
haaye, jahaN feelings hotii haiN vahaN shaadii nahiiN ho paatii [zaalim samaaj aaRe aa jaataa hai] aur jahaN feelings nahiiN hotiiN vahaN shaadii ho jaatii hai [zaalim citizenship kaam aa jaatii hai] 
Re: What Advice would you give?
Your friend needs to understand that she's the only one who can help herself. No one can give you a magic potion for that. Tell her to take a stand...how else will she communicate with them? Use your rights...rights Islam has given you.
Re: What Advice would you give?
^Exactly she needs to understand that yes her parents have done so much for her, which is exactly why this should be her decision so God forbid in the future he doesn't turn out to be a jerk and she doesn't continue to be dependent on them. They educated her, and gave her a good upbringing and therefore should let her decide as to who would be a good life partner for her.
Believe me it's a common misconception among most desi parents that imported rishtas are better, no matter how many examples you give them. It's just you need to get to their head by talk to them that you want to marry someone who's grown up in a similar environment, has a similar understanding of things and all. This is NOT by any means disrespecting her parents, as long as she says in a proper nice tone. Islamically it's her right, and she has to spend the rest of her life with the guy not her parents or anyone else.
As for people talking, her parents need to understand that people will talk none the less. It's in their nature, just because someone finds a ristha abroad it doesn't mean there's something going on...what if it's from a different city or a region? And If anything that happens more often in Pakistan and how do they know that the guy they're importing doesn't have some other motives. Someone needs to talk to her parents nicely, whether it be your mom or someone else.
hopefully she speaks up and inshallah they listen
Re: What Advice would you give?
Thanks everyone 
I have explained the sis yesterday, and must say am in a shock!! Their parents are lookin for a rishta for the elderly sister aswell… Now guess from were!..bingo PK aswell!!!
I mean reallyyy
Have convinced mum to talk with the parents now … Insan 1 ghalti sey seekhta hey… AND they planning the same hell for their daughters againnnn -.-
Re: What Advice would you give?
It's one thing that the parents are adamant about importing from Pakistan, it's understandable because that's what they're used to and that's what they feel comfortable with. What amazes me is how girls like your friend love to play the martyr and be the achi bachi and go along with ammi abu's grand plans. Then these same girls will be online here on GS a year later crying about how miserable their life is. It's as if they're doing God a huge favor by knowingly entering a marriage they don't feel good about, and then continue to raise children in a miserable environment. Is this supposed to a commendable act? Oh and I don't buy the whole I'm just doing this for my parents' happiness crap. They do this so that they are absolved of any responsibility or they have no clue how to go about choosing a life partner so lets just leave it to the elders. That's the easy way out.
You can't have it both ways, either make a stand, use your God given rights to choose a life for yourself or suck it up and go with it.
You're a good friend and you've done all you can, its up to her to take control of her life. After all, if one is not willing to help themselves then I wouldn't lose much sleep over it.
Re: What Advice would you give?
Since she got her education in Europe and she is highly educated and working woman and she has a divorced sister she should know already how to deal with this situation . If she does not know how to counter arguments of her parents and want to be a sacrificial goat in return for what her parents did for her as a parental obligation and parental duty then she still have that paindoo mentally and she would be a good match for a paindoo. I guarantee u that if she gets married to a paindoo then it will b a successful wedding. You have nothing to worry about.
Re: What Advice would you give?
He no
Everybody in Pakistan is not there to get married to a girl in some foreign country and make her life miserable. For one failed marriage there are 999 successful marriages. How do i know ? Because I am living in west for quarter century and know thousands of happily married couples where the boy or girl were imported from back home. Where I got my statistics from ? From the same place u got about such marriages will always result in a disaster . Every real life situation is different and should b analyzed thoroughly . Life changing decisions cannot b be based on generalizations , old wives tales and stereotyping. Each of these situations is unique and should b treated as such and a decision should b made after obtaining all the relevant information. What information? You can find all that in these forums. Like thorough background check of the boy or girl and her family . By creating a profile of the parties involved . Social cultural and material differences of the parties involved. Likes and dislikes of parties etc etc. this will not guarantee a success of a marriage but it would reduce the risk of failure significantly.
Re: What Advice would you give?
Wow , even after doing MBA if she believe in racial profiling then she better stay single . Who would want such a girl who is so narrow minded and can't see through color of your skin or nationality . God has created everyone with different personality . A messed up mind in Europe or America is not better than one in Pakistan .
Better try to find person with good heart and sound mind , as thats the only thing that make a marriage work .
Re: What Advice would you give?
What amazes me is how girls like your friend love to play the martyr and be the achi bachi and go along with ammi abu's grand plans. Then these same girls will be online here on GS a year later crying about how miserable their life is. It's as if they're doing God a huge favor by knowingly entering a marriage they don't feel good about, and then continue to raise children in a miserable environment. Is this supposed to a commendable act? Oh and I don't buy the whole I'm just doing this for my parents' happiness crap. They do this so that they are absolved of any responsibility or they have no clue how to go about choosing a life partner so lets just leave it to the elders. That's the easy way out.
THIS. Reaching a certain age, a certain level of education and you can't say a word against parents? that's BS.
Re: What Advice would you give?
My friend has an elder sister, who got married 3 years ago in PK within fam. When the boy got in Europe, he made her life misserable and eventually after 1 year he gave her divorce and run away with all the gold and money of the sister of my friend.
Now the thing is, that the parents are searching for a partner for my friend from PK! knowing what their first son inlaw did with their elder daughter, they are willing to jump the same cliff again.
Well, it sounds like they have more trust in people from Pakistan than the Pakistani people of UK. A lot of parents who immigrated have an idealic view of their country and think that kids (except theirs') who grew up in the West are disrespectful and terrible & therefore want to import a son-in-law from Pak. I would hope that just because they had a rotten apple for the first son in law, it wouldn't be the same with the second. And I guess that is what they are assuming... that just because they had one bad experience of a bad son in law, it won't happen again. Like how can any one person's luck be so bad, right?
But I agree with you that men born & raised in Pakistan may be culturally very different and have different values than girls who were born & raised in Western countries.
The parents of my friend keep telling stories of allll the broken marriages within uk (thing's like: "falaan falaan ki beti ney UK meyn shadi ki thi aur 1 saal shadi key baad us ki talaak hogey"... or another one i heard from her "us larki key walideyn ney shadi uk meyn karwayi.. 1 saal baad larka kehney laga mujhey ghar khareed ker do, mujhey car le ker do and akhir per talaak hogey"
Just like they are giving the benefit of the doubt that one rotten apple doesn't mean the whole nation is full of jerks, they should do the same in this case. Just cause they know of a couple of examples where marriage to a guy based in UK didn't work out, it doesn't mean that every guy in UK is a jerk.
But honestly, if people are not willing to see beyond their own belief systems, there is nothing that others can do to change their minds.
It is an awfully tough place for your friend to be in and my heart goes out to her. Many girls have been in her place, forced to go back to Pak and forced into marriage with a guy...some of them have had awful experiences, while others haven't. I personally know of 2 awful experiences but I'm also hoping that there are others who ended up with a decent guy.
The best that your friend can do is help her parents come up with a game plan to determine a person's character before she has to make any commitment to the guy. She can be honest with them (not sure how open they will be to hear her tell them her fears). She can say that she has her concerns but as a dutiful daughter she will go through with the plan if they will at least take steps to ensure that he is a guy of good character who will not use and/or abuse her, someone who will not take advantage of her but will honor her and take his role as husband seriously for the sake of Allah (if nothing else).
Re: What Advice would you give?
my husband is importing me from the UK to Canada - He better sleep with one eye open!
Re: What Advice would you give?
my husband is importing me from the UK to Canada - He better sleep with one eye open!
mubarak.......
Re: What Advice would you give?
True, but in this case, the father is a kind of dominant person with his opinion, don’t get me wrong, he is a good father for his daughters. But his word is the last word at home …
lol mirch :p… i dunno if a paindu would be a good match for her, but i can see where ur coming from. It is difficult for me to see such a beautiful young women ruin her life …
Ameen! And u have explained it soo correctly… but the thing with her parents is, that they are sticking with the PK grooms i mean seriously open up ur eyes! They have a view like all the marriages between uk boys n girls are doomed! that’s so not true
i do know a lot of happily married people with one side imported and the other local (UK)
and there is even a higher number of happily married couples with boys/girls of the same country… there is no language barrier, the same way of thinking and mostly the level of understanding between these couples is higher than the imported ones (in my opinion, not trying to hurt anyones feelings)
Anyway thanks for ur feedback guppies :)…
Like mentioned, i convinces my parents to talk with hers..
this is the outcome:
Her mother said that relationships r like a gamble so there will always be a risk involved.. when my mom asked her if she would let her daughter suffer from the same hell as her elder daughter or like my sister, she was quiet. She did said things like yeah we will do a proper background check etc etc…
At the end of the convo, mom succeeded to explain her that now a days there is no such thing as a guaranteed succes in marriages with imported grooms/brided or the UK ones… lkin the father was again like "i don’t know how YOU guys did ur background check of ur daughters ex husband.. but we do it like this this this… my dad got a bit angree and made him sing 10 tones lower by saying that atleast his daugther got saved from a hell cuz of the background check he did and that things have opened his eyes more, and that he as a father should open his eyes to…
i think i have done what i could if the parents still want to continue with this kind of crap they should
The elder sister of my friend told her parents to re-think about importing grooms… but okay, let’s see what they will decide
I just tried to open their eyes with the actual happening stuff… lkin agar koi jaan boojh kar apni aankhain band rakey, us meyn ab main bhi kya kar sakti hoon…
Just hoping and praying that may Allah bless everyone with a rightous spouse, who will complete his/her life at every step/point of life
Ameen
Re: What Advice would you give?
It seems to me that you think all is lost if they are importing a groom from Pakistan. All is not lost but your friend's parents cannot conduct their rishta search naviely.
They and their daughter need to have very open conversations about what her values & their values are and how they will find the groom to match those values.
Re: What Advice would you give?
I hope ur right peony
I do believe they will re-consider things... Just hoping that they will lissn/look even once to the choices and wishes of my friend :(
Re: What Advice would you give?
SweetLady,
My point is that it doesn't matter where they look for a rishta. They are in trouble if they do it with a naive mentality thinking that everyone is a decent person and things will just fall into place. And your friend cannot allow them to just do whatever they please without talking to her parents and if she is scared like it sounds, it is up to you to help her see that she can't be complacent about her life.
It is extremely difficult for a girl to assert her wishes with her parents especially if they will think that she has a boyfriend if she doesn't go to a foreign country and marry the first person who wants to marry her. With a calm voice, your friend needs to talk to her parents and you as a friend need to help her devise a strategy in how to talk to them and what to say. Things don't just fall into place and all of you can't just blame the parents if you haven't given it your best shot at getting through to them.