Im a born and bred brit, and maybe its the fact of being brought up here, or maybe its just ME…but i dont really see divorce as a biggggggggggg deal…i mean yes its a big deal over nothing really. i wouldnt seperate over silly arguments or anything, but sometimes i think, that IF i were to seperate over something major like CHEATING OR VIOLENCE i would.and to be honest it doesnt scare me to be single…is that wrong?I know even silly arguments sometimes makes me want to just run off…and even my husband says at times that he knows im not the type to care for a div..and whats scary is that i think he may have a point…:
Re: western pakistani mentality?
There is cure for you kind of thinking. I ain’t tellin ya. 
Re: western pakistani mentality?
Personally, I dont see the point of getting married in the first place if the thouht of being seperated from that individual doesn't make you feel faint.
Re: western pakistani mentality?
........AND SHE'S BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!
Re: western pakistani mentality?
I agree the thought of divorce shouldn't be creeping into your mind without due reason. However I am guessing you are comfortable with the notion because you are educated and know you will be able to stand on your own 2 feet if God forbid such a situation arises. You won't have to play victim and stay with guy for support.
Re: western pakistani mentality?
no wonder lot of people are selecting family/civil law as their education and career path :)
I agree the thought of divorce shouldn't be creeping into your mind without due reason. However I am guessing you are comfortable with the notion because you are educated and know you will be able to stand on your own 2 feet if God forbid such a situation arises. You won't have to play victim and stay with guy for support.
*Agreed. *
Re: western pakistani mentality?
It's one of those things....you're think you're alright with it until it happens.
Re: western pakistani mentality?
Personally, I dont see the point of getting married in the first place if the thouht of being seperated from that individual doesn't make you feel faint.
Ditto.
Im a born and bred brit, and maybe its the fact of being brought up here, or maybe its just ME...but i dont really see divorce as a biggggggggggg deal...i mean yes its a big deal over nothing really. i wouldnt seperate over silly arguments or anything, but sometimes i think, that IF i were to seperate over something major like CHEATING OR VIOLENCE i would.and to be honest it doesnt scare me to be single....is that wrong?I know even silly arguments sometimes makes me want to just run off...and even my husband says at times that he knows im not the type to care for a div..and whats scary is that i think he may have a point...:
I think there is a difference.
Not wanting to lose someone because you love them, care for them and want to grow old with them at your side is a good feeling to have. Working on your relationship because you feel this way is right. Not backing down in the event of misfortunes is also right and not "desperate". We cant justify leaving our husbands when they lose their jobs, fall sick or some sort of calamity (nauzubillah) comes into your marriage.
However, making this person the sole means of your happiness to the point where you depend on them for everything is wrong. That is a problem. Having the courage to walk away when you're being mistreated is something every woman should have but so many dont...and their situations are all different. Its not fair to call them spineless or whatever because they've been through a process that renders them helpless in their own situation. It takes a lot to walk away in such scanarios.
Personally, I dont see the point of getting married in the first place if the thouht of being seperated from that individual doesn't make you feel faint.
ditto
:k:
It's one of those things....you're think you're alright with it until it happens.
Absolutely right.
Re: western pakistani mentality?
For a single woman living outside of Pak....it's easier to survive. Because western society is more accepting of women being single. There are various programs to help you if you're struggling financially. There are more opportunities available.....you'll find a way to survive.
That's why it may not seem that HUGE (end-of-the-world) deal for us.
For a single woman living outside of Pak....it's easier to survive. Because western society is more accepting of women being single. There are various programs to help you if you're struggling financially. There are more opportunities available.....you'll find a way to survive.
That's why it may not seem that HUGE (end-of-the-world) deal for us.
Not to mention that there is still the mentality that people will talk if you leave, it'll be bad for you, and those stupid interfering nosy aunties that make it seem like the end of the world on every little thing...
Re: western pakistani mentality?
I think alot (not all) who are in the west and have a 'western pakistani mentality' see things in a different perspective. Say a girl got divorced back home, her responsibility would usually automatically fall on her father, brothers, uncles and so on. Say a girl in the UK got divorced, in some families it would be slightly different. If the girl was educated she may have the options of seeking work (if she wasn't already working) gain further education, and so and so on. The same girl in a family in Pakistan would have to face much more, the locals chatting, (the bigger the family and community the more chat), some face evil sister-in-laws in the large in law set up (larger joint families), and would a divorced girl be able to get a job and get on without male colleagues attempting to take advantage of the situation or making crude comments? I'm not saying it wouldn't happen in England, however there would be more a girl could do in the situation.
Given the environments we're in, and the opportunities available our way of thinking can and does change. But for some people thinking differently is losing their identity or link to 'back home' so never do change there ways.
Re: western pakistani mentality?
Born and bred brit has nothing to do with it. I would worry about it, heck i'd hate to go through it and i'd probably do everything in my power to stop it happening. IT BOTHERS ME!!! Yes, it also scares me. This does not make me weak or dependant, it's the thought of a home/family breaking up which totally would devastate me.
How you can say it would not 'bother' you is beyond me. Or maybe you don't really know what your saying or how serious divorce really is. I don't think I'd want any of my children being brought up in a broken home, but if it's the will of Allah nobody can stop it happening.
I think there is a difference.
Not wanting to lose someone because you love them, care for them and want to grow old with them at your side is a good feeling to have. Working on your relationship because you feel this way is right. Not backing down in the event of misfortunes is also right and not "desperate". We cant justify leaving our husbands when they lose their jobs, fall sick or some sort of calamity (nauzubillah) comes into your marriage.
However, making this person the sole means of your happiness to the point where you depend on them for everything is wrong. That is a problem. Having the courage to walk away when you're being mistreated is something every woman should have but so many dont...and their situations are all different. Its not fair to call them spineless or whatever because they've been through a process that renders them helpless in their own situation. It takes a lot to walk away in such scanarios.
I agree with above and in addition would say that problems like emotional/physical abuse , husband not providing financially , husband not being mentally stable , cheating and inlaws making your life hell are good enough reasons even in the eyes of law for divorce.One reason that law does not account for but is so vital for marriage is TRUST when either of the spouse do things repeatedly that breaks the trust then it's becomes very hard for the marriage to survive. But jumping to the D word over small small arguments can be very damaging for the relationship. Once said is okay because everyone can make a mistake once but repeatedly saying about divorce would only weaken the relationship.
Off course one can survive without marriage , and end of marriage/failed relationship is not an end to life but Islam says that divorce should be the last resort and one should try every possible thing to save the marriage.
It's true with a sound educational back ground and a job it's easier to walk out of painful marriage. But it's doesn't take a westerner to take that decision. When you are in a bad bad situation and wants to get out of it , it doesn't matter if you are in west or east :D
Im a born and bred brit, ..:
I am born and bred Pakistani and I think on the same lines...