Hmmm, other than sending the wife away because she's ill, I also heard that some desi men like to send their wives and kids back home to her parents if he's going through rough financial times. Jeez, why did you get married eh? And in the case I'm talking about, the wife is willing to work to support the home. But he says it's against his "ego" to let her go to work but it's OK for her to go for an extended stay to her parents house. Shame shame.
Nothing wrong in that.....I'd prefer going back and staying with relatives rather than going to an office for work.
I dunno about having vows.....but I do like the handful of weddings I have been to where the Imam actually gives a little speech/lecture during Nikkah where he talks about duties of husband/wife, advice on making marriage work, to love each other...etc..very sensible/practical stuff for both. I thought it was great.
We had this at our wedding.... it was nice as it was an introuction into islamic marriage for the in laws (who are christian) but also an eye opener for the muslims at the ceremony..... we also said some vows so as to integrate some things that were of my MIL's wishes....
However, i don't think a couple of words recited at this stage of your marriage will prevent anything like lack of support or neglect happening..... that is down to the individual and what mind-set they're at... and a selfish one at that it seems.
Its better to be away for a while then to have a fight everyday out of stress. Working outside for a wife speacially who’s also a mother doesn’t make life easier, I’m saying this out of personal experiences.
Please read translation of 'khutba-e-nikah'. Its much more beautiful than the wows.
People listen to khutba and forget , people read kalima and forget , but if some promise is made on a personal level people try to honor that promise ,and if they forget and you remind they might feel some shame , but if they they did not make promise that too on one on one basis you cannot throw that at their face and you have nothing to hang on to. You have nothing to make them feel shame by reminding them a promise they made in public. They might some shame in breaking a promise they made in public.
That is why there is a concept of bait/oath of allegence in Islam. There was Quran , therewas Rasool Allah among them, people will say kalima and become Muslims and will incur lots of obligation due to becoming Muslim but when it was time for war even Rasool Allah(SAW) will take an oath of allegence/bait another form of making a promise to support Islam and Rasool Allah(SAW). It was for the purpose of making it very very personal obligation.
going by the meaning of Muslim by the theocratic village idiots roaming around GS recently. you are officially non Muslim for even letting such a thought cross your mind.
going by the meaning of Muslim by the theocratic village idiots roaming around GS recently. you are officially non Muslim for even letting such a thought cross your mind.
Now that's an exaggeration.
Mirch!
After the Nikah is done, the Imam or the person who reads Nikah makes dua' for the couple where he asks for Allah's blessings and increase of love for both partners and even prays for those who gathered in the wedding.
After the Nikah is done, the Imam or the person who reads Nikah makes dua' for the couple where he asks for Allah's blessings and increase of love for both partners and even prays for those who gathered in the wedding.
Please refer to post # 26 and let me know your thought about that.
the western ladies are first to leave their husbands when they go bankrupt unlike us , mostly muslim women survive with what ever problems come their way during married life. and not even this I have a lady at work who wants to divorce her husband because his sense of humor is not good enough for us, they have 2 kids and she is tired living like this, and I was like duhh lady give me some space.
woh kehtay haina door kay dhol suhanay
**
I really hate to say this b/c I know it will sound really bad to many people here..
.........but if some promise is made on a personal level people try to honor that promise ,and if they forget and you remind they might feel some shame............
I dont see a lot of people who took those wows and felt shamed afterwards, breaking the promises they made in public.
And does the majority depart from each other because of death or due to earthly necessites? The Qazi probably saved these words, because he definitely knew that the majority will be lying anyway!
I am sure you can still whisper those baseless-nothings into your loved ones ears if it romactifies the wedding contract for you. But rest assured that 2/3 marriages end in divorce aaj-kal (although the figures are down in these economically hard-up times) so, really basically what I am saying is, you may as well say live-and-let-god and worry about how you are going to feed your 30000 guests.
all the while thanking the east for rating pragmatism over bakwas. :k:
And that man appears to be an exceptional cock. I don’t think words are needed necessarily. Some of the most awful men I have ever met have also been the finest word-smiths I have stumbled across.
1) vows really dont mean much as the divorce rates have shown
2) these types of vows have been around in the west for a long time, even when the divorce rates were not so high.
3) yes there are less divorces among desis, but that does not mean the marriage is a success. the two ppl staying together due to family pressures, societal taboos, for kids sake etc etc does not make a successful marriage.
vows or no vows, divorce rates in Muslims and desis are going up as well.
