Chemali and Hunni Bunni,
Why are you girls buying them gifts when they dont get you anything? Why are you buying respect, love and affection? Allah has given all us humans brains and a heart.
I am in a similar situation too.
Inlaws spent a lot of money on the walima. Alot of showing off etc...but the real deal is after marriage or one month after marriage. THATS WHEN REALITY KICKS IN!
"Hum to sumjay, shaadi ki baad, tum khushiyan lao gi, cheesay lao gi" - comments like that are made. Little comments are still being made 3yrs after marriage. Certain clothes should be worn. All they care about is showing how much they have to other ppl - its all talk 2b honest!
I used to buy them gifts and presents just so they can like but i have learnt with time, whats the point! If i still dont get respect, why should i treat them like that? Did you do that for your own family? Why ur mum/dad got upset, did you buy them something so they would be ur friend again? I didnt!
I dont bother with the presents. One thing my mum has taught me, just dont be rude to them and dont answer them back in a nasty manner. Gifts and presents will never be appreciated. These ppl are like that - presents or no presents!
Sorry about my pessimistic reply but i cant help with the way i am feeling!
In my case I am doing it with the intention of making my MIL happy not really to buy me respect!MIL has a long strong of unhappiness in her married life and >FIL has influenced the kids so they bothered about their mother until I came into the family and started to give her eid gifts, send her flowers on her birthday etc. Aferall she is my husband's mother and every dua a mother says with a strong yearning will be listened by Allah, so why shouldnt I enable her to do that and make my husband reap from her duas I dont want to be selfish!I know I m not getting any Eid gifts this time either but when my intentions was to do for her and not myself it does change my focus.
also our prophet saw said that give gifts, it open up the hearts. And every thing said by the prophet saw does have a deep meaning. I do see my MILs heart being opened. I do see her being more warmer to me now. Perhaps one day she will buy me gifts for eid too but the main thing is to make her going happy so family dynamics in my in-laws can improve and perhaps when our kids grow up they see a happier family dynamics than the one I came into!!!