Wanted to share a few words with all you gupshuppers…and maybe you could help me..
I want to know whether the girls family are supposed to give gold gifts to the boys family as in mother in law, sister in laws. Mum only gave suits. And I gave toiletry gifts sets and white gold chains to my husbands nieces.
My brother in law and my husbands cousin got married recently and their inlaws gave gold to the girls of the family, as in sisters and bhabi (being me) now my husband is constantly saying this is what you call Izat…see what they have done, what did your parents do…just gave some crappy suits…which weren’t even nice…
now I don’t know whether my parents were wrong and should have given gold…but I have three other sisters and they didn’t do this with them…so why would they do this for my in laws…and secondly.,I’ve still to hear that their in laws have said anything like this.
He is constantly saying to me what have your parents given…and it makes me so upset and I just can’t answer him…I got a lot of gold given to me on my wedding..but maybe it should have been more..all I can muster up is you should have asked my parents before we were getting married, what are you going to give your daughter, or (what package comes along with her) .
How long have you guys been married? My mum didnt give no gold to my in laws not even my husband. We just paid for his wedding band and he paid for my rings which were white gold diamonds. But anyhow its such jaahil behaviour on your husbands part! Tell him to get over it! I got gold gifted to me by my inlaws ive never heard of the brides family gifting the grooms family gold.
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
We've been married for about 3 years now, it's really hard to stay calm and in control...I get so upset when he speaks to me like this. The one thing I really didn't want my husband to be was greedy...and I'm just dumbfounded when he says these things...all I can think is "really...is he really actually saying these things to me!"
This is only one of the things he reminds me of....we wanted to give him a silver/platinum ring on wedding day...as gold can't be worn by men, when he found out he said that everyone would laugh at him...and that it had to be a gold ring...my other brother in laws have said nothing they were more than happy with their platinum wedding bands!
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
My parents gave suits to all of my exes immediate aunts and uncles and gold to his mother and sisters and watches to his brother and father. Yet I still heard all the time well so and so go this and so and so got that. I agree with Deeba. Did he marry you for money? If a prostitute gave him and his entire family diamonds, would her izzat be higher than your?
Platinum is a more expensive metal then gold.! So he clearly doesnt know anything. Ask him outright did u marry me for material things or me what is the issue now he seriously needs a slap
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
He says he wasn't forced into marrying me, and that he left it on Allah....now he says he is with me for the children and that he doesn't like me. I've done everything he wants me, he wanted kids he has two beautiful boys, 2nd one was unplanned...but MA I don't regret him. I spent two pregnancies taking care of myself, and him, and working....my son fell ill when he was one, I had 6 weeks to go before the 2nds arrival and I spent all 6 weeks in hospital in that condition because I didn't want to leave my first baby. As soon as we got home we had to make a seven course meal for his family.... Which I wouldn't have mind any other time but the timing wasn't right...sick one yr old and newborn to manage....my family stepped up and helped with cooking. N cleaning before his family came. I'm in such a dilemma, whenever he finds out I've mentioned anything...like to his sister...he flips!
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
Your husband doesn't sound like a man. I have never seen a man complaining about how much gold was given to him...these are usually aurton ki tanay baziyan.
He needs to be put in his place and that won't happen unless YOU change. He has told you he doesn't like you and the ONLY thing keeping you two together is your children. That's all.
If there were no kids...he'd leave you. What does that mean? It means its only a matter of time before things get so bad that he decides even his children cannot keep him with you.
Your plan of action should be to live like he isn't there. Do you have a degree? Can you work? Do you have savings? Are you dependent on him?
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
yeah, he sounds like a wussy (replace the W w/ something else nomesayin?), OK you don't want to leave him, can't leave him whatever..but like reha said... live as if you're separate. not just financially but emotionally (which can be much ore difficult)
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
I am sorry you are going through this, Twinklingpari! I agree with Reha's advice. Your husband is being a jerk, but remember, we teach people how to treat us. I hope you find the courage to stand up for yourself.
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
He says he wasn't forced into marrying me, and that he left it on Allah....now he says he is with me for the children and that he doesn't like me.
Tell him I don't like you either and am with you for the same reason.
Also you have no need to respond back to him whenever he brings up gold or liya diya issues, completely ignore him and just walk out of the room, go make yourself chai, go watch tv or something.
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
Thank you for your replies..it's good to be able to speak to people who won't be biased.
The whole situation is really weird....i honestly do not know which step I should take. I don't want to separate from him....but then I think that I have my whole life ahead of me....he says that it's important for the children...but is it really good for the children to see us unhappy in the future when they can see and understand themselves.
I work, im on maternity leave at the moment, due to go back in couple of months, but not full time with two babies, I will be part time.
Before marriage I wasted my money...eating out with friends , shopping etc...I just didn't save. I was constantly told by my parents to save for future...house etc...but I thought yes I will...but time passed and my rishta was done and I got married. Now my husband had an issue with the fact I had spent my savings....he thinks my mum and dad have used the money! Even though I told him about the life style I had before marriage.,.hair cuts..clothing...shoes handbags...things I don't buy now. I now regret spending like I did....I could've saved some of my salary...but that's history...I've learnt finally...but it's too late!
He he asks me what I have Given him...I saved a year for house deposit....I then even on maternity leave put money into the joint account for bills and bought all food, kids nappies gifts for his family as well as mine for eid, weddings birthdays. How much can he honestly think I can do...all this I did so he could save up his salary so he could buy land and make a house abroad.....any other wife would have said get lost...first you buy me and my children clothes and all other necessary things and then think about Pakistan.
He he is civil with me...we can, rarely, have a laugh and joke....but 99% of time he is just quiet. He finishes work late...I stay up so I can make fresh roti for him and serve him like an idiot...thinking he will eventually respect me... I do it out of love..but nothing moves the guy!
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
Tell him I don't like you either and am with you for the same reason.
Also you have no need to respond back to him whenever he brings up gold or liya diya issues, completely ignore him and just walk out of the room, go make yourself chai, go watch tv or something.
I think I will...walk away and let him rant on....
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
I am sorry you are going through this, Twinklingpari! I agree with Reha's advice. Your husband is being a jerk, but remember, we teach people how to treat us. I hope you find the courage to stand up for yourself.
Its my own fault...I've let him treat me like ****! And now it's too late...I thought I was being good. Tht he would be happy being from the UK I take care of him...but it's backfired...I have honestly considered killing myself or have prayed to die (I know it's so wrong..but I have )...I have got that weak....but Then I think of my kids and think I'm being foolish to think like that.
Re: Wedding gifts to Inlaws problems after wedding
Please stop thinking about committing suicide and if you are really depressed try to get some counseling. I am going to assume you are pregnant?! Please stop being so negative even though sometimes what happens does depress us, it is not end all be all.
Someone is putting these thoughts into your husband's mind and him lacking his own opinion, is siding with this unknown person. Not many men pay attention to such womanly affairs unless they are pointed out by his female relative.
As people have suggested, plainly ask him of he married you for money or you.