I am going to the wedding of a close relative even though we are not close if you know what I meanand i was wondering what I should give her as a gift. The invitation says no boxed gifts so I was thinking vouchers maybe. Or cash? Any ideas?
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moved from life1
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If the invite says no boxed gifts then take cash or cheque only. Just place it in a card with the wishes and you're done :)
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jeezz... it says no boxed gifts? no offence, but thats very tacky. back on topic- yeah, khumar's got the right idea- put the money in a card/envelope and you're done.
the real question is, how much would you give?
i know in gora weddings, you're supposed to cover the cost of your plate, your partner's plate (if they're going with you), plus a bit more... which sounds about right to me, considering more and more couples are paying for their own weddings these days, so it must be nice to wake up the next morning and not have to think of how you owe $25,000 to your wedding vendors. i dont think it works like that in pakistani weddings though... i think in our fam, its more about how close you are to the couple. the closer you are, the more $$ you gift. everyone else gets away with the token $100. as someone paying in part for her own wedding, i prefer the gora version! :P
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I've seen my parents give $100 for family friend's kids wedding. Those they hadn't met more than a few times. Those that are closer to us, ofcourse the "gift" goes up higher. Similarly, family means shelling out a lot.
As for the whole no-boxed gift thing, I think a lot of thought is going on in it.
a) desi wedding. therefore, the gift would be something that they picked up from a sale at some store. nothing "heartfelt"
b) regifting
c) what if you end up getting 5 toasters? who needs 5 toasters?
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i know but by putting that in, you're forcing your guests to give you money. and what if its not within their financial capabilities? its kind of awkward.
besides, i think the very essence of being gifted something means you don't get to choose what it is... unless you have a bridal registry! then go crazy and then let your guests choose from your specific list of wants. cant go wrong there. although i suppose gift registeries dont exist in pakistan?
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if it says no boxed gifts just put the stuff in a brown paperbag.
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gift cards or cash/check.
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besides, i think the very essence of being gifted something means you don't get to choose what it is... unless you have a bridal registry! then go crazy and then let your guests choose from your specific list of wants. cant go wrong there. although i suppose gift registeries dont exist in pakistan?
I think giving cash is the way to go when it comes to weddings. You don't have to give an exorbitant amount by any means, but cash sure as heck beats getting everyone's rejected gifts, or the toaster that was on clearance down at Target. My aunt had a good point that even if you give $20 to someone, combined with other people's cash gifts, five twenties make a hundred, and a hundred dollars cash is much more useful than a boxed gift.
I also think a registry is not necessarily useful. Most couples nowadays aren't going to live a lush home. They'll start out in a small apartment (or live in the already furnished house of their inlaws), and you honestly don't need nor do you have the space for all those gadgets and fine china in an apartment. With cash, you can spend sensibly and save some of it at the same time.
I find the "no boxed gift" phrase on a wedding card quite tacky, but it would be unnecessary had desis stuck to the time honored rasm of giving cash. As soon as they step into America, the first thing they do is stop giving cash at weddings. In Pakistan, at least traditionally, it was cash or jewelry, nothing else. And we're not all that unusual about cash at weddings--the Chinese and Italians in the US still only do cash gifts at weddings as well.
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yes its true- italians, chinese, greek- they all clean up really well when it comes to cash gifts. i guess as far as the registry goes, i was talking from personal experience- all the couples i know are just starting out in their new homes, as will we, and although cash is definitely desired, and i've told my family thats what i want- there will be some of our guests who will want to bring gifts. the registry is for those people specifically so that i dont end up with two toasters from target :P
as as aside, damn, i wish we had target in toronto! i seriously love that store.
for the non-pakistani weddings we've been to, we honestly can't afford to give $200 which is really the least you can consider giving, given the size of the wedding and the relationship we have with the couples- so we end up getting them something really beautiful from william ashley or a comparable store for around $100- definitely not a toaster though! although, actually, we did give a toaster once... but it was like, a $150 designer toaster. and it was meant as a joke for one of our closest friends, so. :p
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I think I'll go with cash in the card. Its a very close relative who we dont see anymore. Close meaning closely related immediate family. But we dont visit each. other. My hubby says he wont go as they never invite us for Eid when they invite the entire family. But when its their turn to recieve they invite us. Thats what he says anyway. I will go, but I can only afford £50 i think.
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$100 Gift Card from ‘Sears’
Thats what I’d want 
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$100 is STARTING POINT??? 
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Not necessarily. I think even $50 is a respectable amount by all means. And people understand totally if you can't afford to give more. One of our family friends isn't well off, and she usually gives $25, but it's heartfelt.
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On the valima, do in laws usually take the salamee that's given to the bride ?
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Depends on the family. Some mother in laws are really gracious and give everything to the bride and groom. Others keep it for themselves to pay for wedding expenses. Still others fall somewhere in between or give it the couple, but a little at a time so that they don't waste it.
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hm... thas what my parents did, they kept hte money, which is fine, after all they paid for the wedding....i have no complaints abt that..but my MIL let me keep my $$. A fraction of htat, I had exchanged (from canadian) and am giving it to one of my friends for her wedding. I guess htat's a good use for it :)
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oh man, no one's keeping my wedding money!! its a present to us from people who love us and plus, we're starting out... we need all the money we can get :P
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If you are paying for your wedding its only fair that you get to keep all of it and if its your parents spending thousands on your wedding then unless they are filthy rich the money should be wisely divided.
If the card says no boxed gifts cash, cheque or then gift cards for places like target, bed, bath and beyond are a good choice where they can buy reasonably priced items that they actually need. Its usually when the girl will be moving out of state or if she is moving in to a house that is already furnished that these requests are put up anyway. Pointless spending hundreds in moving stuff around that isn;t even worth half the moving cost. My sister still has a couple of cartons of boxed wedding gifts at our place simply because its not convenient for them to take the stuff with them. We don;t even have the space for them but what to do! I just curse the stupid people who gave the stuff despite being asked not to, a-holes.
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well my parents offered to pay for our wedding, so we took them up on it. its not a hugely expensive wedding but its not $500 either, but even if it was, they would never ask us for the money that we got as a gift. its just not done- i mean, you don't throw your kids a birthday party and then take away all of their presents to reimburse yourself. its the same principle for weddings too.
if the couple offer to give their parents that money, then thats up to them, but there shouldn't be any expectations attached to it from the parents end. and certainly, ifmy parents had those expectations, which i know for sure they don't, but if they did, i'd set them straight pretty quickly. :p