How many wedding events did you have? Just Mehndi, shaadi, walima? Or lots of dholkis and/or a mayoun? Why? Would you change anything?
We were planning on doing a mayoun before the shaadi but with a tight schedule and most guests from out of town we decide to save the $ and just have a Mehndi and shaadi + walima (month later). Most people in our community have a month of celebrations while people in other states I know have just 2 events. Kind of feel like I’m missing out (stupid, I know)
Was just curious how guppans did it. Especially those of you getting married out of town/in grad school/with tight work schedules.
Nikaah/registry two months before
Mehndi baaraat valima
I had a marquee booked for our garden to have a dholki night but it snowed heavily in the days before wedding so i cancelled and just had a few girls at home while I had my henna done.
I wouldnt worry much what others have done and did just relax and enjoy your day lady! My friends who are Mirpuri have endless 'dholki' nights and it gets abit much lol
No dholki...had mayoun, mehndi & one reception of combined nikkah/walima. Even that was two days too much for my liking. I don't like all the extended events either and prefer simplicity.
You could do a mini dholki. Informal and fun with your close family and friends. A lot of my friends are doing pyjama parties these days. You just hang out, dance to some tunes, do each others makeup without the added pressure of aunties looking at you with disdain.
In my side of family, we normally don't do a formal dholki. A couple of days leading up to the mehndi, friends and cousins start gathering in the bride's house every evening and practice their singing/dancing for the mehndi night. It's a lot of fun and very inexpensive. There is no professional makeup/photos/food involved. Also, because it is with close family and friends, there is no stress element so people tend to enjoy more.
I didn't hear about a formal dholki event (separate from mayoon and mehndi) until I came to the west. I think people here do it because everyone is relatively busy here (compared to pak) and not many people would show up to someone's house unannounced.
Still, as a separate event, I find it is a bit unnecessary. I really don't understand why people go on celebrating for a month with multiple dholkis, like you mentioned. If I had that much time off from work, I'd much rather spend that with my husband.
Nikaah/registry two months before
Mehndi baaraat valima
I had a marquee booked for our garden to have a dholki night but it snowed heavily in the days before wedding so i cancelled and just had a few girls at home while I had my henna done.
I wouldnt worry much what others have done and did just relax and enjoy your day lady! My friends who are Mirpuri have endless 'dholki' nights and it gets abit much lol
In my side of family, we normally don't do a formal dholki. A couple of days leading up to the mehndi, friends and cousins start gathering in the bride's house every evening and practice their singing/dancing for the mehndi night. It's a lot of fun and very inexpensive. There is no professional makeup/photos/food involved. Also, because it is with close family and friends, there is no stress element so people tend to enjoy more.
I didn't hear about a formal dholki event (separate from mayoon and mehndi) until I came to the west. I think people here do it because everyone is relatively busy here (compared to pak) and not many people would show up to someone's house unannounced.
Still, as a separate event, I find it is a bit unnecessary. I really don't understand why people go on celebrating for a month with multiple dholkis, like you mentioned. If I had that much time off from work, I'd much rather spend that with my husband.
that's what I'm curious about. I guess people don't move away from home UNTIL they're married so their social circle is mostly people that could come to so many events. I was sad about nixxing the mayoun but I couldn't see how most of our med school friends were going to be able to make it a week in advance to attend that...I would've ended up having 5-6 girls total that I grew up with and no one else.
I like the idea of multiple events ONLY because dressing up and all that is so fun but then I think about how as the bride, I'm going to be required to sit there and not sing/dance (in my family, the girls dont) so...then I snap out of it lol.
i married after residency to a guy from Sydney, Australia (of pakistani origin). our combined friends/family are ll over the globe .. never mind the country. His immediate family and a lot o my extended family is in pk ... so thats where the wedding parties were held...
nikkah - super small and intimate and the BEST event that i wouldn't change a thing in. it was held on the west coast (where my family resides) and none of my friends from the east coast (where i went to med school and trained for residency) were able to attend due to time/work constraints.
6months later in pakistan
henna - almost didnt have that ... we (husband and I) dont really get the significance of this event ... but his family wanted it. My family was fine either way
rukhsati
walima
Honestly ... for me the whole wedding events stuff is wayyyyyy overarted ... i just wanted most of it to be over ASAP. spending 3+ hours getting "ready" for a sit and smile session is not my idea of fun.
i married after residency to a guy from Sydney, Australia (of pakistani origin). our combined friends/family are ll over the globe .. never mind the country. His immediate family and a lot o my extended family is in pk ... so thats where the wedding parties were held...
nikkah - super small and intimate and the BEST event that i wouldn't change a thing in. it was held on the west coast (where my family resides) and none of my friends from the east coast (where i went to med school and trained for residency) were able to attend due to time/work constraints.
6months later in pakistan
henna - almost didnt have that ... we (husband and I) dont really get the significance of this event ... but his family wanted it. My family was fine either way
rukhsati
walima
Honestly ... for me the whole wedding events stuff is wayyyyyy overarted ... i just wanted most of it to be over ASAP. spending 3+ hours getting "ready" for a sit and smile session is not my idea of fun.
I forget that for the bride it IS just a sit and smile session for the most part. I LOVE wedding events but that's mostly because I'm the one dancing/singing/having a good time. Obviously, it's different for my own.
Yeah the different coast thing is causing changes in our wedding plans too but I think you're right that it's probably better!
The only experience of a wedding I have is the one of my elder brother.He ofcourse married in Pakistan so a few months before his actual wedding our family friends each kept a dolkhi for him. So in terms of dolkhi we had 5 LOL.Even though we were from the guy side. MY Khala's kept one for him in Pakistan and then the usual three day event. When my bhabi finally came to Canada we had a reception at a hotel. SO WE had tons of events but that was because it was the first wedding in the house
I got married in Pakistan. They don't have the formal dholki events they have here in the west so I did not have them though I love the concept. I had a nikah 3 months before the wedding. It was a medium event with friends and family and dinner etc.. Then I had a mehndi, shadi and valima. In my family they started doing the Mahon event a few hours before the mehndi combined with a dars or milad and I had that too. Here in the US, our freinds and family hosts the dholkis not the bride/ groom.
We were originally going to have Mayoun, Mehndi, and a Chura ceremony ( I am Hindu-Punjabi so we put these bangles on the day before the wedding that requires another small function) and then Wedding and Reception on the same day. BUT looking at schedules, my parents hosting out of town people, and just finances in general We are actually combining the Mayoun and Mehndi into one day. At first it sounded weird but the more I thought about it the more it made sense.
So now I am having the Mayoun/Mehndi the weekend before the wedding on one day. We're starting at around 4 PM with Mayoun first, then my mom is serving heavy chai with chat and snacks. Then I am going to go shower and get ready for Mehndi, and we will start that around 7-8pm. Do the mehndi rasms and Dinner at 930 ish. Dancing from 10 - 11 pm and I think since its a long function people will probably leave before midnight. We reserved a really beautiful clubhouse in my aunt's neighborhood that has a pool and playground attached. It will be late April so I think this will be great for kids to go outside and play while we do the rasms inside.
Then two days before the wedding I am getting my actual mehndi done at home with just my mom and sister. After Mehndi is applied and dried, we'll be doing the Chura ceremony with just family.
The day before the wedding I have no events and I am kind of glad. This will give me a chance to regroup and get small last minute things done before checking into the hotel for the wedding.
I am sure there will be dholki's here and there - maybe a big one hosted by family friends 2-3 weeks before the wedding and maybe one spontaneous one the week of the wedding, but I don't plan on making a big huge deal out of them. Streamlining my events and keeping it as stress free as possible but still enjoyable is my focus. Plus with the money I am saving I can splurge more on the wedding and reception!
My thing is - do what makes sense for your personality, your family, and your pocket. Break conventional "rules" and do things differently if you have to or want to! and HAVE FUN!
We were originally going to have Mayoun, Mehndi, and a Chura ceremony ( I am Hindu-Punjabi so we put these bangles on the day before the wedding that requires another small function) and then Wedding and Reception on the same day. BUT looking at schedules, my parents hosting out of town people, and just finances in general We are actually combining the Mayoun and Mehndi into one day. At first it sounded weird but the more I thought about it the more it made sense.
So now I am having the Mayoun/Mehndi the weekend before the wedding on one day. We're starting at around 4 PM with Mayoun first, then my mom is serving heavy chai with chat and snacks. Then I am going to go shower and get ready for Mehndi, and we will start that around 7-8pm. Do the mehndi rasms and Dinner at 930 ish. Dancing from 10 - 11 pm and I think since its a long function people will probably leave before midnight. We reserved a really beautiful clubhouse in my aunt's neighborhood that has a pool and playground attached. It will be late April so I think this will be great for kids to go outside and play while we do the rasms inside.
Then two days before the wedding I am getting my actual mehndi done at home with just my mom and sister. After Mehndi is applied and dried, we'll be doing the Chura ceremony with just family.
The day before the wedding I have no events and I am kind of glad. This will give me a chance to regroup and get small last minute things done before checking into the hotel for the wedding.
I am sure there will be dholki's here and there - maybe a big one hosted by family friends 2-3 weeks before the wedding and maybe one spontaneous one the week of the wedding, but I don't plan on making a big huge deal out of them. Streamlining my events and keeping it as stress free as possible but still enjoyable is my focus. Plus with the money I am saving I can splurge more on the wedding and reception!
My thing is - do what makes sense for your personality, your family, and your pocket. Break conventional "rules" and do things differently if you have to or want to! and HAVE FUN!
that sounds fun!
y'all are right. I think with my love for desi culture/weddings + seeing 093809382 billion events in our community for weddings + liking dressing up makes for a BAD combo. But considering fiance and I have boards and our friends/family are all from out of town/cross country and in medical school/law school/working crazy jobs, trying to get people to fly out a week in advance is going to be selfish and unreasonable. My bridesmaids want to do a weekend spa trip instead of a mayoun as soon as I get done with boards (like literally an hour after) and I think I'd rather do that than sit on stage and have aunties force feed me mithai (maybe...lol)