Re: Wedding dress etiquette
Also, is the groom in the West and the girl from Pakistan? Some families there have a sense that we're rolling in dough here. So the fact that he has put any limits on her is a sign of his stinginess to them, not a sign of his practicality or organization. They don't really understand the challenges of life here, and therefore have unrealistic expectations regarding money and luxuries.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
^ Nope they’re both from here (U.S.)
Yeah that’s what I fear too. She herself seems rather simple.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
Hopefully she'll learn to take advice from better people. I'm sure there's gonna be drama in those early years.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
Wow, just....wow....what a greedy buncha cows!
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
So....aside from this kind of situation....if the groom's side sets a certain amount, and the bride likes something that goes above that amount...and they just quietly pay for the difference, withotu expecting the groom's side to pay for it like the couple in the first post).......does that go against etiquette?
Is it rudeness on teh part of wanting something that exceeds the budget, OR does it only become rude when you expect the other side to exceed their budget?
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
i think its rude both ways..
the outfit is a gift from the in laws. no matter how cheap they are going.. let them. its their day and they get to dress you up.. heck if you have a *****y mind.. think of it like this… ppl will see how cheap they are when they see your valima outfit and go tu tu.. how cheap.
as for oh but its my wedding day.. it wont ever come back .. you get to look like a doll on your barat day .. spend as much as you want .. go over the top if you like… so you GET a day to look good too… leave teh valima day for the in laws to go as they wish.
when i was getting ordering my barat outfit… there was a flock of hens sitting and looking through possible valima outfits… but it was over the budget from what we could hear.. so the mother goes.. koi baath nahi.. phone them and say this is how much it costs.. if they dont wanna pay.. we will pay the rest.. but this is what our daughter likes.
my mom gave me a if you ever even THINK of doing this im gonna kill you till you are dead look.. i froze in my bata chappals! 
even the dukaan daar once they had left was shaking his head saying this is how mother’s destroy an otherwise good husband wife relationship and bahu - in laws relationship.
so ya.. its rude both ways.. for me atleast.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
Well if your in-laws give you a certain amount and you like an outfit that costs more than what you've been given, I don't think there is anything wrong in just quietly adding to the difference and getting the dress. In all fairness it's your day so even if you like a dress worth $5000, just pay the difference quietly without letting your in-laws know and get it.
I think it becomes extremely rude when you go back and ask for more money outright or when you've been told a budget and you go back and mention the actual price of the dress hoping that your in-laws will get the hint and pay more.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
How many events are "your day"?
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
I agree with everyone that the bride's family should not have demanded more money. The groom and his family already gave her a nice amount for the dress and the bride's family should have respected their wishes and bought a dress within budget.
Also, I can never understand the over-whelming need to publicise prices of wedding joras. It's become like a status symbol to announce a high price which will then be used to estimate the social standing of the groom's family. We go to distant relative's weddings and when the bride finally comes, all we hear is "Do you know? She's wearing a 1/1.5/2 lakhs jora!" So what? Everyone knows the price of a decent jora these days... why announce it to the world and show off? Buy an expensive dress by all means if it pleases you, just don't go around quoting the price right down to the last paisa.
Re: Wedding dress etiquette
So....aside from this kind of situation....if the groom's side sets a certain amount, and the bride likes something that goes above that amount...and they just quietly pay for the difference, withotu expecting the groom's side to pay for it like the couple in the first post).......does that go against etiquette?
Is it rudeness on teh part of wanting something that exceeds the budget, OR does it only become rude when you expect the other side to exceed their budget?
I think if it's a huge difference, then it's rude. If there's just a little bit you can add on top and you don't mention it, it's fine. AS LONG AS YOU REALLY DON'T MENTION IT. TO ANYONE.