your other halfs friends (in Pakistan).. Is it something you would do if your guy told you he’d appreciate that you do it - even though you don’t normally cover you head?
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i would, it's just being respectful of traditions, it would help to blend in and integrate with people he's close to, his best friends and family. gaining their respect will matter in the future
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Hmmm I wouldn't do it myself. My husband was born in Lahore and grew up there, he moved to Canada when he was 15...but he's very cool and open minded. I mean I understand that when I go Pakistan to see his family and friends, I have to be a lot more conservative than I am here - for the short period I'll be there. And I am OK with this. But being someone who I'm not in the long run, esp when it's friends we are speaking about and not his immediate family would be hard for me.
That being said - you have to see what you yourself are happy / OK to live with and what you can't live with. I would pick my battles. I would change a few aspects of myself, that are not important to me and as does he for me but not thing that I find are more substantial. I mean if we can not even interact with each other's friends except to be someone we're not and in a superficial way, that would be hard for me in the long run. And would say to me there may be some compatibility issues there.
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Hmmm I wouldn't do it myself. My husband was born in Lahore and grew up there, he moved to Canada when he was 15...but he's very cool and open minded. I mean** I understand that when I go Pakistan to see his family and friends, I have to be a lot more conservative than I am here - for the short period I'll be there. And I am OK with this. But being someone who I'm not in the long run, esp when it's friends we are speaking about and not his immediate family would be hard for me. **
That being said - you have to see what you yourself are happy / OK to live with and what you can't live with. I would pick my battles. I would change a few aspects of myself, that are not important to me and as does he for me but not thing that I find are more substantial. I mean if we can not even interact with each other's friends except to be someone we're not and in a superficial way, that would be hard for me in the long run. And would say to me there may be some compatibility issues there.
Totally agree..
Also OP, you mentioned your other half would like you to move to Pakistan after you marry, for a little while at least and you're not too sure about it.. I think you need to sit down and think carefully about all the possible changes (good + bad) and compromises you might have to make (esp as he seems to be a bit on the conservative side).. A lot of the things might be minor and no big deal on their own but added all together could you find yourself resenting him in the long run?
Not sure if you've read Nadz123's threads but she was in a similar situation (inc the dupatta issue, but her SO wanted her to wear it in the UK as well, would you be ok if yours turned round and said the same thing?).. Her experience struggling to adapt to life in Pakistan to that extent might be an extreme case but you need to think these things thru rather than just letting your heart rule your head or choosing to put it all to the bk of your mind and just hoping for the best then getting into all sorts of problems further down the line..
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Does your other half request that you ONLY cover your hair in front of his friends? Has he excluded his male relatives and also the men out on the street.....who may even have a more gandi nazar than his friends? I'm just curious because it would make more sense to have a consistent requirement :p
If this is a real scenario you're going throug and if RIGHT NOW he's only made that request for his friends...how do you know it won't include other men later on? Then it would be more like a hijab right? Overall I don't think the request is such a big deal. But if you've created a thread about it.....then I'm guessing you're not entirely comfortable with the request and that's something you'd have to discuss with your "other half."
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your other halfs friends (in Pakistan).. Is it something you would do if your guy told you he'd appreciate that you do it - even though you don't normally cover you head?
i would.
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OP: is is necessary to show up in front of his friends?
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OP: is is necessary to show up in front of his friends?
Do not doubt OP's mehman nawazi.
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hm .dont do it if u dont do it normally.
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I have a habit of wearing it naturally with desi wear so of course I would. However, I find i'm more at ease about it if it's non-desi wear. Either way, I feel weird when I dont have one on, esp. since my mom made me so self-conscious about my erm...chest, to the point where I sometimes even keep it on when I'm alone. Weird.
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I have a habit of wearing it naturally with desi wear so of course I would. However, I find i'm more at ease about it if it's non-desi wear. Either way, I feel weird when I dont have one on, esp. since my mom made me so self-conscious about my erm...chest, to the point where I sometimes even keep it on when I'm alone. Weird.
U must be one of the "good" ones...I know girls whos parents did the same...and later they just end up flaunting it. :D
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You can bring a horse to water - but you cant make it drink .... Same goes for desi women :)
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i used 2 wear dupata before wedding but not covering my head but my huby wants 2 cover my head when i m in public or frnds but not in immediate family n i m doing it n happy wth it :)
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ok, well i went through something similar. my husband did ask me to cover my head in uk, i didnt want to, in the end he was ok with it. he did however ask me in pakistan, and i did it, because where we were it was the norm to cover, in fact if you didnt, youd get people staring and men trying to touch you, its disgusting. and my husband is a good guy, hes not someone who expects me to do something conservative like this yet goes out and does the oppsoite. hes very sincere, he doesnt ask me to cover ifront of family, or anyone, only in public in pakistan. and im ok with that. i think if hes asking you to cover for his friends, i think if you understand why hes asking, you may feel better about it. i understood-eventually- why he asked me to do it and i appreciate that.
i think in todays age, if our husbands asked us to walk around half naked we wouldnt have a problem with it, we would be gushing at our wonderful and liberated our husbands were.....how odd.and if our husbands asks us to cover our heads we automatically put them into the molvi-taliban group....
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I remember women use to cover their heads with dupata at Azan time and in front of elders , which I think was very traditional, respectful and cute . People have changed .
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I have a habit of wearing it naturally with desi wear so of course I would. However, I find i'm more at ease about it if it's non-desi wear. Either way, I feel weird when I dont have one on, esp. since my mom made me so self-conscious about my erm...chest, to the point where I sometimes even keep it on when I'm alone. Weird.
I am exactly the same, although I dont cover my head, I so always have my dupatta properly covering my body though.
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I am exactly the same, although I dont cover my head, I so always have my dupatta properly covering my body though.
me too.
your other halfs friends (in Pakistan).. Is it something you would do if your guy told you he'd appreciate that you do it - even though you don't normally cover you head?
i would..bilkul.
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I would.
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this is basically how you prioritize your life partner, you first or he. if my husband would ask me, i would do if i care for him, anything it be. especially when its really something my zameer wouldnt stop me to do.
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Divorce........
today he is asking to cover up your head.....tomorrow he might ask you to cook food for his friends......and then next day may be make you wear a topi burqa..........or further than that...he might make you wear only what he wants you to wear,eat,drink........