Salam Everybody,
I m not really sure if this is the right place to post this or not So I request to MOD please move it where it suppose to be Thanks, so I was searching sumthing online & found this really nice, thought I should share with you, You might have read that before. Let’s follow this & Try our level best to improve our relationship who are Married,
So here you go
Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
begin with a good greeting.
Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du’aa for her as well.
Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey,
saaliha, etc.
3.Friendliness and Recreation
Spend time talking together.
Spread to her goods news.
Remember your good memories together.
Games and Distractions
Joking around & having a sense of humor.
Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
Assistance in the Household
Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,
especially if she is sick or tired.
The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
hard work.
Consultation (Shurah)
Specifically in family matters.
Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
Studying her opinion carefully.
Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
Visiting Others
Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great
reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while
visiting!)
Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
Conduct During Travel
Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
Ask her to pray for him.
Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your
absence.
Give her enough money for what she might need.
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters,etc..
Return as soon as possible.
Bring her a gift!
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
Take her with you if possible.
Financial Support
The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities.He
should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a
small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
Always being clean and neat.
Put on perfume for her.
Intercourse
It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse
(sickness,etc.)
Start with “Bismillah” and the authentic du’a.
Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
Begin with foreplay including words of love.
Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
Relax and joke around afterwards.
Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and
modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do
it first while he is looking on.
Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes
she maybe sick or exhausted.
Guarding Privacy
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray “Qiam-ul-Layl” (extra
prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku’ua).
Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.
Teach her “Dhikr” (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet)
in the morning and evening.
Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity
sale.
Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
Give them presents on special occasions.
Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep
giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
(Islamic) Training & Admonition
This includes
The basics of Islam
Her duties and rights
Reading and writing
Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
Admirable Jealousy
Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech
by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.
Patience and Mildness
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT,by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV,etc..
Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing
intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time,
leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing
to tell him where she had been,
etc..
It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur’an .
He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on
sensitive parts of her body.
He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah’s rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment
to Islam is growing.
Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH
never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and
if he doesn’t then he does not eat and does not comment.
Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that
are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on
your words.
Yaar to be honest....wife na hoyee koi bacha goodha le liya hai..... o khuda ka naam lo bhai mere.... a wife is a human first come best friend come partner......
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT,by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV,etc..
Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing **
**intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time,
leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing
to tell him where she had been,
etc..
It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and **
**discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
*He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on *
*sensitive parts of her body. *
He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
Great. Simply great. So not feeling like having sex is disobedience and that she can be hit for that ofcourse after two warnings. Great.
I don't agree with the conditions under which you can hit your wife.
In a healthy marriage, there should be no reason why she should be avoiding sex all the time.
Why doesn't the idea ever come up of ASKING her why she's not having sex with you, and then go from there. Ever think maybe the guy is just plain bad at it and needs to work on things?
I don't agree with the conditions under which you can hit your wife.
In a healthy marriage, there should be no reason why she should be avoiding sex all the time.
Why doesn't the idea ever come up of ASKING her why she's not having sex with you, and then go from there. Ever think maybe the guy is just plain bad at it and needs to work on things?
it could be a possibility....but you have to also look at it the other way around to be fair...
what if the girl is not having sex....simply because she doesnt want to? (1 or 2 days ok...but what if months have gone by)......or because she has a low sex drive?
besides...the whole hitting thing is an absolute last resort. from my understanding....prophet (SAW) nvr hit his wives.
If a woman has a low sex drive, then do you think it could possibly be solved by some light hitting? There's other issues that could be in play, and the situation must be examined at an individual level. Why is there no recommendation to seek counseling, or medical help, or psychological help?
Again, the writer skips over these critical steps that should be taken to resolve such a situation, which is not all that uncommon. What is uncommon is the idea that a woman out there is just not sleeping with her husband to perpetually upset him. There's usually more to the story, and that interpretation just makes us women look bad and stupid mules who don't want to do their "duty" to men.
Add to that the fact that everyone has a different perception of a heathy sexual life. To one person, it might mean having sex a couple times a week, and to someone else it might mean twice a month. That's personal preference and needs to be discussed between the couple, and will be different for every couple. It makes it harder to implement any hitting rule, because at what frequency of sex do you set the threshold before you lift your hand?
That is the most stupidiest thing i've ever heard that...if your wife refuses for sex a guy can hit her...... wouldnt that be considered a marital rape...... such hadeeths proves that its a work of some people who wanted fame in that time after prophet passed away..... i wonder why all so called pure muslims loves to believe in hadeeths more than quran.....
If a woman has a low sex drive, then do you think it could possibly be solved by some light hitting? There's other issues that could be in play, and the situation must be examined at an individual level. Why is there no recommendation to seek counseling, or medical help, or psychological help?
Again, the writer skips over these critical steps that should be taken to resolve such a situation, which is not all that uncommon. What is uncommon is the idea that a woman out there is just not sleeping with her husband to perpetually upset him. There's usually more to the story, and that interpretation just makes us women look bad and stupid mules who don't want to do their "duty" to men.
how many muslims... desi's (in particular) do you know seek medical help for situations like this?....it is such a taboo to discuss such things ...unfortunately. So what is the man suppose to do? go have an extra-marital affair?
I am just looking at both sides....
i agree though...many men do think women arent sleeping with them just to spite them. Sometimes it may be true..other times there may be more to it. However if they are doing it to spite them....then the "toothbrush" comes in handy. Otherwise...extra-marital affair and/or a second wife it is...and this goes both ways.
That is the most stupidiest thing i've ever heard that...if your wife refuses for sex a guy can hit her...... wouldnt that be considered a marital rape......such hadeeths proves that its a work of some people who wanted fame in that time after prophet passed away.....i wonder why all so called pure muslims loves to believe in hadeeths more than quran.....
hitting is the last resort....and how is that rape? no where does it say....hit her then take her.
