watch out desi..dont say I dinn warn ya

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
1

You cant hide desi..don’t even try to look away, because you know you will look in my direction again. I know it..you know it, and you know that I know it..so don’t even attempt to do so. Eventually you will look and guess what you will see. A smile. Yes siree bob, a smile, for you..desi..from me, another desi.

Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon. Desis don’t smile in general. Is always that serious look, sometimes almost an angry look. Relax Mon, have a Jam sandwichhh..chill a bit smile. This not smiling thing is especially true when you run into another desi that you don’t know walking down a hallway at your campus or the office. Eye contact is avoided, no hello is said.

This reminds me of living in the dorms. In the café area it was interesting to see interactions. A number of spanish speakers would be sitting and talking and a new person would show up, he would listen in for a few minutes and then walk up and introduce himself, these guys were from all over spain, mexico, costa rica..you name it. I saw a similar trend with arabs as well as french speakers. But then there were desis..lets just say. You know that the other person is a desi…that person knows you are a desi. Both pretend that the other person does not exist..what goes through the mind..here is a sample. The first few thoughts are optional if there is a little bit of doubt about the person being desi

Is this person desi .hmmm. Maybe spanish or arab
Lets see…clothes indicate the person may be a desi
Lets check the shoes out..
Yep the person is most likely a desi
But is he indian/pakistani/afgani/bangladeshi what
Hmm that dude called him faisal..this person is a muslim but still not sure if he is indian or pakistani
Hmmm he is probably pakistani but is he from Karachi
He looks like it, but is he a burger? Is he a laulkhetia type..hmmm

This goes on..meanwhile the other person is evaluating you in the same manner.

Its like two tigers …walking in circles…looking at each other but no one is making any moves yet to make their intentions be known.

Anyways, I have decided to rebel. If you are a desi and I run into you. you bet I will come and talk to you. I don’t care where u are from, or how long have you been in US, if you are a FOB or ABCD or whatever.

I am going to smile at you and say hello in the hallways and come up and introduce myself in a gathering.

Don’t say I dinn warn ya..

2

Yep, either :expressionless: or

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/mad.gif

rarely

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

maybe they try to be

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/cool.gif

[This message has been edited by khan_sahib (edited June 07, 2001).]

3

so should i start printing a bumper sticker that says "have you smiled for a desi today"

4

whats even more weirder is when you are walking down a mall

and see a desi
just totally being themself

as soon as they spot ya
all at once they will become alert
look away and pretend they arent a desi

Denial?

5

Fraudia jii, dukhtii rug pay haath rakh diya aap nay to!!

Be it a Grocery store or a freeway, we stare @ each other trying to figure out who and what is t/ other, and do “khoos phuss” in our comapnion’s ear and discuss t/ other, all t/ while deciphering whether it’s an Indian or a Pakistani?? Worst is t/ elavator where there is absolutely no escape from t/ assessing, diagnostic eyes, yet no smile, forget about hello.

Many a times I have tried offering a smile only to be returned by a blank stare

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/mad.gif

School was awkward, specially when you’re a new Foreign student and can use any form of support from a fellow countrymen specially when you’re feeling homesick !

You brave you!

6

A number of spanish speakers would be sitting and talking and a new person would show up, he would listen in for a few minutes and then walk up and introduce himself, these guys were from all over spain, mexico, costa rica..you name it. I saw a similar trend with arabs as well as french speakers. But then there were desis..lets just say.

I think this is because desis come in all shapes and form; Bengali, Telgu, Tamil, Punjabi, Gujrati etc ect...at least this is true for Indians. They is no such thing as one kind of Indian desis.

7

only a real Pir can bring thi topic up...but any way it not the denial thing , rather where we come from there passing a smile is like .....telling them what your intentions are or saying salam to ur love ones, and back home you never never pass smiles openly to strangers, this can be fatal.
On the other hand passing a smile here is a normal daily occurance, but when ever we face a desi we are in a dialma, we dont know what he will think about our smile....and while we are thinking about pass or not to pass a smile the moment is passed. But I do agree with Pir ji that we should practice this more on our desi community ...its a very good and polite gesture.

8

I smiled at a desi at my client site. She was kinda confused for a moment and then smiled back..

Rani I agree that desis come in all types, but there are common interests etc. I have never been to India and dont speak any south indian languages but I look at my indian pals and there is a gang from BITS-pilani or Bangalore etc. And there was nuffin common for us to become pals.

How do you become friends with some person unless you make contact first. The initial contact among desis..unless introduced by another, is an interesting phenomenon.

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I know Fraud. I am agree with you. Last night I was doing my regular walk in my brand new dhutti and this desi family came from somewhere and start making fun of me like they never saw anybody in dhutti before. Imagine man, my own desi brother made fun of me.

I hate these desis...

10

JohnD are u sure they were laughing at your brand new dhutti...

11

I agree that due to some norms back home smiling at strangers and all could be taken in the wrong way especially with opposite sexes...and this is not to say that it does not happen in US anyways.

We need to start trusting people a bit. I recall the first time I was on Devon. I had driven to chicago to see my mum who had a layover in chicago on her way back to London from my sisters city. I took my wife and mother to devon for lunch and since my mum only eats zabeeha, I wanted to ask around and find out which restaurants serve zabiha and are they any good. The first person I saw was a lady with her daughters. I called her aunty and asked her if she knew about a good zabeeha restaurant since I did not know and wanted to take my mother and wife to the restaurant. My mother and wife were standing right behind me but this lady just did not even say yes or no, but just did a "khi khi ki" like a teenager and shook her head. Its like listen lady, I am not interested in you or yer damn daughters, I am not checking you out. I am asking one frigign simple question.
Say yes or say no..but respond..communicate..

Anyways then i saw a halal meat store and asked the person there for some recommendation and got one.

Now that I am a Chicago resident and go to Devon off and on and see that out of towners are trying to ask people for directions and getting dissed...sad sight

[This message has been edited by Fraudz (edited June 07, 2001).]

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It is an interseting thought. We are all (guppies) desis...right? So are we all not doing it?

13

hehe, when I see a desi I am so fascinated, and do the exact same thing as Funky Desi !! I'm more appreciative when I see or meet one, since there aren't many here and I guess I am friendly, a bit too friendly at times and they're like woahhh, beware freaky chick! hehe

14

Whenever i see a desi I always say hello. Since I know a few languages I try one of them and it usually brings a smile.

Im always reminded of the song

"Vatan say kuri aa-ee hai" or
"Vatan say munda aaya hai"

[This message has been edited by Tanhaa (edited June 07, 2001).]

15

When I moved from London (where there are lots of desis) to Boston (where there are hardly any desis) I noticed that if I ever came across one on the street or in a mall, they would really stare at me intensly, it was very unerving.

I told my father about this and he said, “Don’t worry son, they are just trying to work out if you are from their village”.

Made me laugh

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

16

I find this is true about a lot of people not just desis. People you see everyday will not take the initiative to say "good morning" etc. But I made a decision years ago that if all it took was initiave on my part then I will start and see what happens. So now just about everyone in this area greets me when i go out. It's really nice!

But it has landed me in trouble with desis, especially if they are men. They can misunderstand your intentions, even if you have children with you, they just will not leave you alone and one almost followed me home. You get questions about your life that even your closest friends wouldn't ask!

Once I was on a train reading a paper that I had to finish before I got someplace and this desi man came and sat down and gave me a lecture about how I had to wear my dupatta (If I didn't dress "desi" he probably wouldn't know where I came from) and wouldn't let me finish my paper, then insisted on carrying my very light bag. Now I'm sure he thought he was being nice but I was highly relieved to see my friends who had come to meet me.

Yet I have made good friends just introducing myself let's say to a woman at the masjid or someone I saw on the street having trouble finding her way. My husband has made friends with all sorts and often brings them home for a meal if they look lost or in need of something. I guess there are just many kinds of people and keep reminding myself that if I don't say hello they won't and who knows what a smile can do... masybe as I get older things will be easier!

17

Nice

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

I live in a small town where most ppl know each other. When we were kids our Quran teacher had told us that you get naikiyaaN for free by offering Salaam to Muslims. So we often had this competition about who will gain most naikiyaaN. One thing that often irritated us was that most Pakistanis (FOBs) refused to say Salaam. Most of the others had no problem shaking heads of even moving lips, lekin those FOB men and women simply refuse to react, it doesn’t bother me anymore, cuz I being a dheet individual keep saying Salaam, only if they’re from my city though.

I never say hello to desi taxi drivers or waiters, because as Shirin says they ask you questions that none else would be interested in plus they start by calling me Indian, I don’t even wear bindi huh. Also some of them can be hard to shake off. Actually I did say hi to an Indian waiter once, he was quite normal till I told him that I’m not from Dehli or Indian Punjab, I’m from Pakistani Punjab - he was oh so excited gave us the best service (my colleagues were very impressed

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

) and when were leaving he said that had I told him that I was from Pak earlier he’d have respected me even more, I liked that person

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

I always wanted to work with a lot of desis, so when I saw this Indian girl I just went up to her, asked her if she could speak hindi and started blabbing. Now I see another desi girl, I know she’s Pakistani and I can’t make my self go up to her, she even seems harmless. We do exchange smiles but never Salaam. I think if I see her in the cantina today I’ll go and talk to her hmmm.

Actually I’ve even talked about this with my Indian colleague, I’m not sure why exactly I had no problem talking to the Indian colleague and why I start looking for bahane whenever I see this Pakistani kuRi, hmm.

Couple of reasons for why I don’t say hello to desis that I don’t know (I’m stereotyping, I know) are, that if they see you somewhere they’ll go around wondering loud why you where there at that time, and if you happened to be with someone, rumours will circulate even faster. Also I can’t shake off ppl that I don’t want to talk to, not easily anyway, so I try to be selective, I know it’s my loss lekin hampf. So basically it’s about avoiding fazool ki bakbak.

18

wooo these are some really intricate says on why someone wouldn't talk/smile to a desi.
you know what though, i figured that from my side of the story, i wouldn't cuz i'm, well, err quiet. yes shy. hmph! there i said it.
i'd make a decision more than 10 times in my mind to finally decide that arright - me gonna talk to this person cuz that's so what i want to do. he/she looks like an interesting being too .. desi or not

19

You mean she didn’t walk up to you with a disgustedly angry look on her face and slap you hard???!!

BaRi “western” or “forward” qism ki laRki thi. Sharam nahin aati ussay, ghayr mardon kay saamnay muskuratay hu’ay?

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

I think my comments above are pretty self-explanatory.

20

Muzna

its a professinal setting. she has to meet other men, says hello to other people and GASP has to shake hands with folks too. So I dunno bout that.

I probably would not say hello to or smile at everyone in a typical deis gathering because a different set of expectations and nroms may apply there. But in a professional setting I am treating people as equal.