I've been wanting marriage since I was 18, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Once I said it to some of myf riends and one said "Dude, get a life, there's a world beyond Hunter" but hey people like that can go fk themselves. We as Muslims, men and women, are encouraged to marry early. Our religion's prescribed set rules for each gender and there's nothing wrong if you stick with it. It's not haram to work outside the home, nor is it wrong for a man to stay at home and raise kids but we have prescribed roles. Who ar eyou to say these women are mentally weaker or lazy because they choose not to have two careers, 1 at home and one outside the home? I personally am fine with taking care of my family; he earns the money I manage the home, it's a partnership. Educaton and work experience are a must in this world because you never know what's in the future and you'll need to support yourself.
Not only do we lose the stamina, our bodies are no longer in the shape required to produce healthy off-spring. It becomes a battle to remain healthy, and even then our biological clocks may deny us the ability.
Muzna Baji, I was mainly talking about men in regards to stamina to wake up at 2 in the morning to help out with a crying baby. Or the child who insists on sleeping in the same bed with Mom and Dad and then kicks you all night long. There was a time when the man could walk away and go sleep in the other room, and the woman could catch up on sleep in the afternoon but that generation is about to go on Social Security.
Guess why that type of woman doesn't exist anymore ahmadjee?
Because today's woman expects the husband to wake up and bottle the child in the night as well as her. She wants him to change diapers when he's around and yes, he can bathe it too on alternating nights....you know the nights when he's not supposed to be doing the dishes.
Yes....blame it on the.......well, I guess everyone knows the answer to this one.....
I know feminism fights for parity between men and women, which is all hunky-dory. But please refrain from lumping men and women in the same pot when talking about sexual libido and abstinence from premarital sex. You have no idea what we men go through. It's like the Hoover dam getting ready to overflow. I dont know why Islam only recommends nafl fasting to curb that desire, which to me is nothing but a dilatory tactic -- the dam bursts, either voluntarily or involuntarily-- believe me, and those men who say otherwise (99%) are conditioned liars.:D
The other option that Islam gives you is to get married ASAP. When a man marries, he completes half his deen -- now i know why. The more we emulate the western society, where marriage as an institution is falling apart, the more we will have issues like these popping out of the woodwork.
Yet, our parents are so hell-bent on putting marriage of kids on a back-burner and prioritizing their education (they had their fun didnt they now:) ), that very soon, frustrated, we will start co-habiting with members of the opposite sex. Could someone tell me who started this "cant get married before education and job" school of thought? That guy should be dragged out in the town sqaure and impaled by a wooden phallus.
Probably had something to do with the fact that up until recently young men in Pakistan, had very uncertain futures in terms of jobs, and faced unemployment and low salaries. In Pakistan, it is not easy for an uneducated young man to find himself a job, which will allow him to be able to support a wife and possibly children, in a proper manner.
There are a few issues with women marrying younger, and then pursuing higher education after marriage.
Depends on what the higher education is and what the sacrifices are. I'll use the med school example, since so many people here are in med school or med school bound. Does a desi husband want to deal with his wife being on 80 hour rotations every week, in which the hours can be sporadic and crazy, like...oh say being on call at 3 a.m. ...?
Depends on the guy's family. I have seen so many stories where a girl is pressured by in-laws and husband to give up on the higher education and just "settle down". They can't do that to her prior to an engagement, etc. This would be sorta unfortunate if the girl has taken up a valuable seat in a university grad/professional program, and then is unable to complete the term, or can't go on and do the rest of her certifications. And don't talk about talking these things out before deciding on the rishtaa - its quite common for in-laws to "change their mind" about the bahu's education after the rishtaa is consummated.
Babies. Do you want to have babies when you're stressing out over some exam or the other? Remember, if you have a job, that job can end at a particular time in the day. If you are in school, its like going at the work close to 24-7. Pulling all-niters, coming home and studying, etc. Its doable in certain forms of education, and not in others. Again, you have to look at what education you're thinking of getting and how demanding the studying will be. And babies need full-time attention.
Moving around. Lets say the girl is married, and decides to do grad school or master or whatever afterwards. She applies to programs, and the only one taking her is a program in Vermont. She lives in Idaho. Hubby can't find a job in Vermont. So, she either takes some time away from hubby and does what she has to...or he gives up his career for her...or she shuts up and tries something else with her life...which is fine and all, but if she's done her undergrad degree specificially for that particular grad degree...then she just wasted all the time and money she put into her undergrad degree.
....
But Catty does have a good point. I was just talking to my friend the other day, and it turns out that this one guy that I had introduced my friend to (for rishtaa purposes)....yeah. He has a secret child out of wedlock. He also eloped with the mother of the child, and then was forced to divorce her. He didn't work out for some reason or the other, but we found out this fact later. But can you blame the guy for shedding his pants early? He was in med school, highly stressed out, away from his family, and he wanted some intimacy. So yeah, I think holding off education does have its negative points, but then there are points to consider regarding both sides of the issue. Most people do tend to hold off - they must have legit reasons to be avoiding marriage at an early age, right? And its not just girls who hold off - its also guys. And they don't all do it so that they can get a career going.
I think one of the biggest reasons I've seen in holding off marriage is that people want that single lifestyle. They want to be able to go to the gas station at 2 am and pick up toblerone. They want to be able to study without worrying about the wife or the hubby or the babies in the cradle. Etc etc. Lots of reasons.
EVERYTHING has collateral damage. Just minimize it based upon your circumstances.
Those are just a few issues that crop up in my mind in particular.
^ oh and for someone who is not trying to get their education for status or security, but rather because that subject is their PASSION or that work is their PASSION, then telling that someone to risk making a move that could possibly make it very much more difficult for them to accomplish their PASSION for the sake of another more bodily PASSION...well, that person will not be too PASSIONATE about your advice.
:D
Have I indicated enough to you how PASSIONATE I am about all this?
Are ya gonna go to the gas station and pick up the toblerone with the hubby and also your 2 month old cranky baby who you had to wake up out of her sleep, which took you hours to get the baby to fall asleep in the first place... a baby who you had because of an "accident" in the first place?
That’s because many people don’t go and learn things they love to learn, especially economic-minded desis. You think so many Pakistanis are running to get into med school or law school or MBA, etc because they are passionate about what they’re doing? No.
Well I’m enjoying what I"m learning though I’m stressed out and most of the stuff I oughta prolly try reading while on weed ( i heard its good for philosophy and deep interpretation crap) but my parents never forced me to do sci ro math… they’d love it tho if i did accounting or science or math but they dont wanna waste time or money on me getting Fs and Ds in those subjs
Among many other things...but looking at this thread it is really not about having a job or career etc. Sexual urge is a different thing (uncontroable one) so the people with jobs do get it...
BTW, do we have check Rlgn fourm from now on to see what is haram or halal? Let me know when watching HBO is haram starts...:)
If that waws the case, he can go himself, and pick me up some toblerone too