As desis and Muslims, especially conservative ones, we tend to put off marriage until our mid to late 20s or even early 30s. There are many shareefana guys and girls who wait until they’re married before they engage in any sort of interaction with the opposite sex. Now the modern day educated desi will typically get a degree first, get a job and get settled before they get married. What makes it even more difficult for the modern-day educated desi is that with all the education comes higher expectations with regards to the person’s family, career, education, looks (and it goes for both guys and girls). So as we steadily progress into our 20s and 30s we are missing out on 10 years of what could have possibly been filled with physical pleasure - that is for those that held out. I mean by the time a guy or gal is in their late 20s and unmarried, surely they’re highly ‘frustrated’? Either that or you just lose an interest, and your libido just isnt there anymore, especially for women. By that age you’re more interested in just having kids asap.
I don’t know I may be wrong, but I’m sure there is some truth to my theory - us desis are our own worst enemies.
And the sad thing is, there is nothing Islamic about our materialistic pursuits either. Ironic in a way, we abstain from sex, but we run after worldly things before settling down for marriage.
This is why there is some truth to the old adage that there are roles for each gender. (And no, I'm not still on the feminisim subject....this stuff is all related.)
Think about it. It is understandable that guys will want to complete their formal education, get career jobs and become stable before they get hitched. But why the woman? Why can't she accomplish a reasonable level of education and then pursue marriage before she decides to get on with more education or whatever else suits her? Because, she now faces the same expectations held for men. Formal education, leading to career jobs....and lets face it, once we get involved in our careers there is little time for anything else. Especially if you choose a profession in the medical field, for example. Then....when she's pulling the 75 hour week she hasn't the time to "find" Mr. Right....or even Mr. Almost Right.
Your observation, catty, is very accurate. We do waste away our sexual prime because we are caught up in a rat race that is dictated by skewed expectations.
especially conservative ones, we tend to put off marriage until our mid to late 20s or even early 30s
Where did you come up with this one?
Ususally the unconservative ones wait till the end because they are too much into details. Conservative ones usually marry whatever their parents picked out for 'em, whenever they are asked to do so. :-p
Muzna, I heaved a sigh of relief as I read your post (since you agree). And it is very true about the expectations we have of young girls nowadays. I am somewhat saddened by all this. I myself believe in the differentiation of gender roles and feel a societal pressure to go out there and prove myself to be the equivalent of a man. Anyway, times are different and girls do have to be able to stand on their own two feet - but why put off marriage - can't it all be done simultaneously?
I see Memon and Gujerati families here in SA who get their sons and daughters married very early, I've even heard of cases where the girl is in her last year of school. And they get to have children and enjoy them while they're still young. Maybe its also because these families are extremely wealthy and dont need for their wives and daughters to go out and earn a living. Their sons also just get handed down the family business.
hmmm well, there are exceptions, but with the rarity of shareef males and females, even conservative families have a hard time finding suitable rishtas.
I think Muzna is trying to justify being a house wife with a masters…how cute!!
Most desis in the west have had sexual relations before they are married. Infact the trend is that more and more desis even back in the motherlands are having sex before marriage. Sex and professional/educational/marital accomplishments are not sequential. Ullus!!
You can thank feminazis for the societal pressure. It is so far engrained that I’ve even seen school teachers who, while in the process of career counselling, will exhibit disappointment if a girl decides that she wants to go to community college or take home economics. (Heck, I think I’ve seen some courses that are now termed to be in the category of “Domestic Sciences” to accommodate weak egos.)
And of course it can be done simultaneously. It has been done. I know of a couple that got married young, both applied and went to med school and had twins at the same time. Beat that. They had no family support here in Toronto as both were the only ones from their families that had settled abroad. This is a specific example but I’m sure there are many, many others that have gone the same route.
There is some truth to the financial aspect. There’s got to be. I’m curious…do the male members of the Memon and Gujerati communities give up their educations too or do they carry on and complete their degrees?
Unfortunately, many women that are pursuing degrees these days are doing so not because they are keen to work, but for two reasons:
To be able to qualify for a good match (i.e. this applies mostly in places like Pakistan where girls in med school are considered better catches whether or not they decide to practice.)
In the event something goes horribly awry (i.e. divorce, death or illness of the spouse) in their lives, they should be able to support the family.
Reason number one again, equates with status and is therefore materialistic. Reason number two is still a realistic approach and one that obviously shows some common sense and planning, however, this type of education can continue after the gal has tied the knot and is in her own home.
Catty, the bottom line issue is that we have adopted the western style of living but not 100% and as long as we are dangling in the middle, we will have [these] issues.
BTW Catty, in the long run being on sexual prime or not has little effect on your marriage, so if you find someone in your 30s that you really enjoy living with, than the wait is worth it.
Though in later years it is hard to adjust living with someone because we are too stubborn about our habits. Not to mention with time we lose the stamina needed for child raring.
i think women like those should acquire some hobbies, like horse riding or ride those mechanical bulls..u know something to keep their minds busy…or how abt spending some time at the kitchen making a banana shake or cucumber salad…all of these activites will keep their mnds away from haraam things like sex..
