… for on and off 3 years, we had always planned to eventually get married, problem was we both lived in different countries.
we broke up for 9 months.. well actually he chose to ignore me.. anyway so about 3 - 4 weeks ago we got back in touch… spoke it all out..decided to work on the relationship and the issues surrounding it.
then out of no where he asks me a question… would i stay with him even if we don’t get married.. initially i didn’t take what he said seriously and kind of laughed it off.
then we didn’t speak for about week..so i contacted him obviously wanting to know what was going on… so then again he clearly said he cant marry me but loves me and wants to spend his life with me.
i got extremely offended by what he was suggesting and put an end to the relationship.
i thought i was doing the right thing but now i feel regretful for not asking him the reasons behind what he was saying… he mentioned his family were looking at rishtas for him
background on the guy.. he’s moderately religious.. family orientated.. intellectual.. understanding.. and so on and so forth..basically all the qualities that were sync with me had.
did i do the right thing by ending it.. should i try speak to him again?
You have already wasted 3 years of your life on him. You want to waste a few more years?
What difference does it make as to what his “reasons” were for asking you such a stupid question? Even IF was not serious with that question…why do you want to be with someone who thinks your feelings/marriage is a joke, and feels the needs to test your feelings after 3 YEARS?!
What do you think you need tp speak with him about? After all, you’re not any closer to getting married now then you were a year ago right? After 3 (almost 4 years now since you two broke up 9 months ago) YEARS, does his family even know of your existance?
If you’re willing to be his “play thing” on the side, then yes…go ahead and contact him. But if you want a man to marry you and respect you as his WIFE…then move on and find someone who’s actually willing to marry you.
If you want to get back on him, tell his parents what he told you. That will help set him straight. You said no but some other girl might say yes to being his "plaything" on the side.
... for on and off 3 years, we had always planned to eventually get married, problem was we both lived in different countries.
we broke up for 9 months.. well actually he chose to ignore me.. anyway so about 3 - 4 weeks ago we got back in touch... spoke it all out..decided to work on the relationship and the issues surrounding it.
then out of no where he asks me a question... would i stay with him even if we don't get married.. initially i didn't take what he said seriously and kind of laughed it off.
then we didn't speak for about week..so i contacted him obviously wanting to know what was going on... so then again he clearly said he cant marry me but loves me and wants to spend his life with me.
i got extremely offended by what he was suggesting and put an end to the relationship.
i thought i was doing the right thing but now i feel regretful for not asking him the reasons behind what he was saying... he mentioned his family were looking at rishtas for him
background on the guy.. he's moderately religious.. family orientated.. intellectual.. understanding.. and so on and so forth..basically all the qualities that were sync with me had.
did i do the right thing by ending it.. should i try speak to him again?
Here is what it means:
He is under a lot of pressure from his family to marry a certain type of woman. You are not that type of woman. He may care for you...but he is misinterpreting that care for love. It is not love...maybe the closest he has ever been to it but not the real thing.
A religious man that says he is willing to be with you in non-halal manner...is that man really religious? Is he? I don't think so.
Your options are:
Be in his life and realize your place will never be a real place...he will forever keep you in the shadows but never the respect you deserve.
Leave him. The least you can do is walk away from such an undignified relationship with as much dignity as you can.
Third option is to become wife #2. Wasn't there a news article about this sometime ago? Some guy in Pakistan married both the girl parents chose for him and the girl he loved at the SAME time.
.then out of no where he asks me a question... would i stay with him even if we don't get married.. initially i didn't take what he said seriously and kind of laughed it off.
that is normal for western culture that u can live without marriage, have a children, then at the latter stage if willing can marry or walk away, but in our religion u know very well about it
then we didn't speak for about week..so i contacted him obviously wanting to know what was going on... so then again he clearly said he cant marry me but loves me and wants to spend his life with me.
same, may be he don't want to continue with u
i thought i was doing the right thing but now i feel regretful for not asking him the reasons behind what he was saying... he mentioned his family were looking at rishtas for him
any reason, may be solid one, but will u ever think that after these solid reason u r ready to live with him at these terms & conditions???
did i do the right thing by ending it..
u did the right thing...
should i try speak to him again?
for what, as he told u he can't marry, but he can live with u without marriage
Third option is to become wife #2. Wasn't there a news article about this sometime ago? Some guy in Pakistan married both the girl parents chose for him and the girl he loved at the SAME time.
I wonder how they'll be getting on 5 or 10yrs down the line :D
I think its time to cut your losses and RUN. He is RELIGIOUS but wants you to be his BIT on the side!! i think deep down you know he is not right for you as you ended thing with him before.
Really?