It has always plagued me since childhood, since any understanding of the relationships between the opposite sex, why nearly always, are there affairs in married couples? At least once, a married couple goes through this ordeal. Typically since I’m in Pakistan and it is a maledominated society, the male counterpart is the culprit. And in the typical situation the woman would be returning to maikay and not coming back. Entourages of the sister, the mother and cousins would visit her..her family would ask her to overlook it. They would all claim kay it happens. My question is..does it? and if so..why?
Maybe I’ve been exposed to a different level in the hierarchy where it is
‘fashionable’ for such going-ons to happen. If so then my question should be taken in that vein. All sorts make a world..what spurs these sorts?
but now that you mention it, there is one instance of this happening in my circle too. i guess the sad truth is that men tend to be less attached to their families, and simulataeneously have more options before them in case something goes wrong (e.g. affair becoming public..). they’re the ones who have absolutely no problem starting from scratch, they’re the ones who do not really need to care about their previous families because they can always start new ones, something that divorces have an incredibly time doing especially if they have kids.
that said, I also know of two cases where the converse happened (lady cheated, left family) so I guess it must be more complex than that.
Yes I am noticing the hardcoreness in the very professionally aloof manner I was answered in:)..Ek taraf topics declaring my new name:) dosri taraf a logical analysis of THIS of all things:)?? Bachu u dont cease to amaze
Actually be it what it may, this happens in all classes I believe. And the answer may be utterly basic. Afterall this is a maledominated society..and its actually hush hushed\overlooked should it happen. In the lower classes I guess its more of a shame to happen..whereas in the 'upper middle' ..or maybe higher than that..on some level its another badge on the sash. But it's happened..to nearly everyone I know. And that aside..divorces are becoming so increasingly common. One wonders how much longer itll take for pakistani wannabes to surpass their ideals-ie their concept of the people of the western world.
From low slung jeans to drugs and sex, life isnt what it used to be. And stuff for gossip is found at every corner.
True..but once upon a merry day the 'thing' called divorce was the stuff of fairytales. Or rather, nightmares. At least in Pakistan. A divorcee would be looked down upon..while her male counterpart would be soothed and petted..and the females of family would sigh over 'kaisi larki sey pala parha humarey naik bachay ka'
Sad but true
Boils down to male dominated society. They can trample over females..are actually pushed to. Case in point, my younger brothers.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
well, its hard to stay interested in one person forever. one needs consistent stimulation. as if most humans could provide that!
that's why we have something called the nikkahnama and another little thing we call divorce.
:D
[/QUOTE]
You're kiddin rite? PCG comments like that could very well start off women bashing threads...:p
One person CAN be enough if you want it...and if you're committed and there's the willingness of both sides to be self critical and to grow and mature together then it's ohh so possible. But I guess it's just too much effort...effort that you'd rather invest in your career and you leisure and making money...marriage is so taken for granted!
People think they can do better than what they have. They start thinking, "oh, if I can land myself a person like this, surely I can aim higher" ... which is what leads to cheating. The person they are with is taken for granted and obviously unappreciated. They aren't satisfied for whatever reason. I guess it's a form of greediness. Wanting more than they can have.
Last Knightess - the men here could not possibly open up a woman-bashing thread. They don't have much luck with them to know how it is in the first place.
Refer to Nes's recent dismal disaster of a thread.
Cheaters are born not made. What I mean by
that is in many situations the lack of a better relationship between
the two individuals is considered to be the cause of one of them
cheating. But in reality, a person who ends up cheating had it
in them to cheat no matter how good or bad a relationship they have
with their marital partner. If this wasn't true then why would
one end up cheating on the other instead of taking the tougher
route and working out the situation or the relationship. With that
in mind, I do think that women or men who take back a
cheating spouse, fiance(e) not only encourage that cheating relative
but in their own way are promoting and escalating this painful
phenomenon in society as well. Societies and cultures around the
world are starting to think it's ok to get divorced and move on very easily. It isn't and neither should it be presumed to be so.
Aalhan
Cheaters are born not made. What I mean by
that is in many situations the lack of a better relationship between
the two individuals is considered to be the cause of one of them
cheating. But in reality, a person who ends up cheating had it
in them to cheat no matter how good or bad a relationship they have
with their marital partner.
I think I tend to agree with this. Sadly, there are very few strong characters out there in both sexes. The ones who are willing to make it stick for the sheer sanctity of the relationship. Though admittedly, if it happened to me, I sure as hell wouldn't stick.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Demesne: *
Yes I am noticing the hardcoreness in the very professionally aloof manner I was answered in:)..Ek taraf topics declaring my new name:) dosri taraf a logical analysis of THIS of all things:)?? Bachu u dont cease to amaze
[/QUOTE]
forgiveness is sought but i fail to decipher your words :D
[QUOTE]
Actually be it what it may, this happens in all classes I believe. And the answer may be utterly basic. Afterall this is a maledominated society..and its actually hush hushed\overlooked should it happen. In the lower classes I guess its more of a shame to happen..whereas in the 'upper middle' ..or maybe higher than that..on some level its another badge on the sash. But it's happened..to nearly everyone I know. And that aside..divorces are becoming so increasingly common. One wonders how much longer itll take for pakistani wannabes to surpass their ideals-ie their concept of the people of the western world.
From low slung jeans to drugs and sex, life isnt what it used to be. And stuff for gossip is found at every corner.
[/QUOTE]
well you know, i agree that whenevr it comes out, it is hushed away and depending on the nature of the spouse, the course of action is decided. if its the woman playing around, and the man is a confident type he'd bring down hell for everyone, same is true the other way round. often if the men are players and the wife finds out, wives from a more conservative backgroud let it kill them, they dont spread it out and dont seek help out of fear of bad reputation of the family i guess...it does happen, true. it happens in every culture to some extent, but ofcourse its not that 'everyone' is involved, no, mnay do it, and most dont.
and talking of the corrupt ways of the elitest of the elite, well that class is always the first one to adapt to the corrupt ways, in every society in every culture since the begining of time...i'm not sure if youre aware but we even have 'key clubs' in pakistan, in karachi...
....4 year pattern in which humanbeings (male AND female) get 'bored' with the partner.. rest of the time AFTER 4 years, either there are mental sparks OR some other reason of dragging it..
my parents love each other too n they act like they met each other like few months ago (enjoy each others company, look forward to seeing each other) and fight like lil kids...n i know my dad hasnt had an affair cuz i keep an eye on him lol
following are mental reasons for 'dragging' it (i say dragging since ACTUAL 'mating' image has faded according to theory:
kids are now grown up, (dunno, so would pretend u're akloti) so therefore for HEALTHY structure of mind, family, 'yeah we love each other'
compromise with 'what uve got' - by far the most powerful one, cuz then u still feel 'attached' with the mate, eventhough u might not be. classic example would be (khuda na khuwastah) one passes away, second one gets sabar, not because kid is grown(errr you) and people are there for supporting second, but the precise reason that its no longer 'connected'.
feeling of shame to bring THIS up (due to first two reasons + haye haye, zamaana kiya kahay ga.. chaar saal ke baad dil bhar giya aur khatam?)
assumption/not questionning the self - most common, atleast what i've seen.. person is giving focus at too many puzzle pieces of life... both partners might be working, have a kid to get through life, AND have relatives.. and after that barrier-point, they dont notice each other, but they notice the work, kid, relatives, hardships of life.. and think, hmmmmm, well good that second partner is WITH ME or else i wouldnt be able to do this alone..(sense of need, versus who it MIGHT be)
i guess there are few more, but u just have to let it go and watch the couples MORE in depth to realize them..
now, is that a bad thing? ummmm.. it might not be.. since #4 scenario is kinda HEALTHY for family, u mix any scenarios and they are really good for the kids/relatives/work/life/family.. all i am trying to provide is a lil better understanding of couples..
(had some questionnable chidlhood, so i always wanted to know about fights/relationships/reasons/unhappiness factors etc)
its the lowest of the lowest 
since u have just joined, please keep my golden advice in mind 
