lazy yeah you are right it bothers me- why does women stop herself jsut for another man. -
Sweetheartm, things are changing
things have changed for me and for you and probably for the womens own daughters (if any)
but changing customs is a process that needs to evolve, what may not seem right to us may be perfectly ok for someone else
We can jump up and down and scream right left and centre about how bad things are... but if we take a closer look at the individual... we may find that we are wrong
This man isnt "just another man"
he is the man she is and will spend all of her life with, teh man who looks after emotionally and materialistically and she has probably spent far longer with him than her own parents
Mr Uncle may not be that bad a man... he may just be bad at making certain decisions
Yeh Nia, its human nature to 'abuse' someone when they asked to be. Having said that, there are many who would still not do it. And it's not really about women being weaker but a particular individual being 'weak.' Ultimately you do get treated the way you want to be/project yourself.
In South Asian culture when such cases arise, more often than not, women are to be blamed. A woman is a womans worst enemy at times. She could be her own enemy, or anothers.
In a situation such as this, it's not really about men/women, but about circumstances and the individuals involved.
living in West?
have a full backup of your husband...? if you wouldn't have one, the surely you would be thinking twice before setting up YOUR Priorities
Yes, I am living in the west. I'm sure you have a point so please do share it.
Simple fact is, if my parent was terminally ill and my husband wouldn't allow me to go visit when there was no real reason why I shouldn't go, I would go. Are you saying you wouldn't visit your parent or be with them if the tables were turned? If the husband wants me to put his needs first, I will do so for the rest of my life, but when a parent needs you, you should be with them if you are capable of it.
Back up husband? Inshallah, I won't need one. Like I said, most men are reasonable and wouldn't forbid or disallow you to visit a sick parent ... but then again not all men are reasonable ....
The husband did know that the father was very ill and repeatedly being taken to the doctors. Would it take a certified letter saying that he is about to die to get the message thru? Unless they were bankrupt and totally out of money or unless the husband was also terminally ill, I don;t see any justification for the delay caused by the husband.
When its about her parents the decision should have been hers. May Allah save us all from testing times, but i would rather make a decision myself. Its more frustrating to have to suffer the consequences of others' decisions.
When my nani was diagnosed with cancer for the first time and was having her first surgery, my Dad sent my mom to Pakistan right away, even tho I was actually in Pakistan at that time.
Then three years later, my dad had open-heart surgery and a month after his surgery my nani was admitted into the hospital and was extremely sick. Docs had basically said that there is no hope but my uncles were still continuing with the treatments. My Dad, even though he needed care himself, sent my mom right away. My mom dint even ask for it.
My mom came back and a couple of months after that, my nani passed away. Now we are not rich and we do not have over a grand at our disposal at all time. But my Dad booked a ticket for my mom to fly there the very next day.
My Dad has made a lot of mistakes when it comes to my mom, but in this matter, I am so thankful that he made the right decisions at the right time. And I know my mom couldnt be more grateful.
I think also because my Dad really loved both his parents but could not be there for either's janaaza.
It's true that the uncle could not have known that the father is going to die, but he could've sent her to pak. But then he prolly also dint know how severe it is. Maybe aunty dint really explain to him how sick the father was.
the Person who died would be in his seventies, people in their seventies get ill. It would be lovely to be organised and arrange life so that you have all bases covered...
should the women have "been sent" to visit Papa everytime he went off to see the doc?
As far as my experience has been, and I say this with respect
people in Pakistan do rather make a song and dance about going to see the doc....
With all the best will in theworld its difficult to do the "right" thing... and that too without hindsight
nia didnt mention that this man did what he did for malicious reasons......
utterly disgusting is what the whole situation turned out!
Ironically, woman is considered subordinate to man and marriage doesn’t really change this scenario; in most families, it is imperative that she ask for her hubby’s permission – formally or informally thats altogather a different subject.
Root of the problem is the contrary brought up of both sexes. We are raised as soldiers who will be struggling for their family’s bread n butter – strong, cold-hearted and emotionless creatures – whereas girls brought up is of ‘touch me not’ kind – sensitive and emotional.
p.s. nia i though you were one of those aunties with a platoon of kids
That’s why I always emphasize to the ladies, you wanna marry a guy, don’t go for ABCDs or FOBs…Find someone who is religious not only in actions but his thoughts too…
Did you know that preventing a woman from visiting her parents comes under oppression according to Sunnah?
But ABCDs and FOBs do not know that and yet, that’s what ladies of Pakistan wish to marry…
Can u change the way paki men think? I doubt it, that uncle will not be feeling a bit guilty .... he is born that way & his mother told him to do what he did.
Yes, "HIS MOTHER". 90% paki boys are mummy's boys ... its there mommies who train them for future. Blame paki men now.
i am so upset... i literally yelled at aunty yesterday....
what kind of a sick, demented and sadistic behaviour is this? The poor woman just lost her parent and all you wanted was to show her that she is a failure of a person in life as well? I think the poor aunty is better off without having aquaintances like you.
I highly suspect the authencity because the thread-initiator is a biased person, a known man-basher, and adds masala to strenghten her point more often than not.
If, for argument's sake, the whole thing played out as portrayed, it is very uncommon. I invite all gs members to imagine their parents in such situation and see if their fathers will act like this? I have very traditional Pakistani parents and I cant ever think of my father acting this way. My mother is the typical portrayal of an obedient, self sacrificing desi woman, but she has her say in every matter at our house.
I am sure such things, including wife beating and other cruelities against women are real and do happen, everywhere in the world. This does not mean that all men are bad and all women are being wronged. Otherwise the world wars would have had men against women, instead of nations.
Please dont use this one incident to glorify women and hate men. Shukria
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That's why I always emphasize to the ladies, you wanna marry a guy, don't go for ABCDs or FOBs...Find someone who is religious not only in actions but his thoughts too...
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Its very rare for this kind of stuff to happen, though I have seen the reverse where an aunty prevented her hubby from visiting his mother. Only someone with a sick or deranged mind would prevent their spouse from seeing their parents. Sometimes it comes down to family politics or insecurity and obsession, something which you see a lot of in FOBs. The fact is you love your parents more than anyone else and they are your first priority. If your spouse stops you, then tell them to either accept it or take a hike. Visiting ones parents shouldn't even be an issue.
Lazy Daisy and Danial Shah, I think Nia was more angered at the aunty for not standing for her right to visit her father and letting her husband repeatedly delay the trip. And that is my stance too. When it comes to your own family/parents the decision should be yours alone. When it comes to parents I would follow my instincts. It would have been better for her to have gone and visited her father. The money and time spent even if he lived on would have been much better than the life-long remorse she will live with now.
I do not hate the uncle. I do however believe that he should have facilitated the aunty's visit instead of repeatedly postponing it.. Again maybe the aunty was double minded herself and thinking the father would recover stuck with her husbands decision. Maybe she was just a weak woman who lacked the courage to go against her husband or even attempt to convicne him. If she were strong she would have stood up for her right and made the trip.
Yourfriend! I understand women per “Typical Desi mentality” was born as a second class citizen and to serve men [atleast this is what i am getting from your posts]. But i have a question to ask- Would you ever khundakwasta would want your daughter to be in this situation? once again Khundakwasta…
I am being practical - I do not take BS - I honestly have NO patience and tolerance for crap like this.
‘rare lucky partners’ - very interesting term there you used ‘rare’. I wonder why is that? What was it that went wrong years ago which has made them so rare?
yourfriend point here was not to discuss how close aunty was with ther father. The point is she had to forget about her father and listen to her husband. He takes the charge makes all the decisions. I cannot digest that.- its morally and religiously wrong SIMPLE.
