we found out yesterday this aunty lost her father.
Anywayz we go over to their house yesterday - Aunty was ofcourse crying but what killed me was this
She went to Pakistan last [thats where her father was - May Allah grant him Jannah] for about good 3 weeks. Her husband didn’t let her stay at her father’s house for no more than 2 hrs or so. She could not even sit down and had a decent chat with him. Last week she heard he is not feeling well at all and numerous visits to doctor etc. She did mention it to uncle if she could leave but uncle kept on prolonging it.
I know money is not the issue with the family
Now her father is gone. mother died 4 yrs back or so.
I find it amazing how women don’t stand up even when it comes to their own parents. WTF is wrong with us. Why do so many of us think about others before we think about ourselves.
Loosing a parent! someone who gave birth to you at any age. I know many of us will go well it wasnt meant for us to be there. Yeah its true but when you dont even try - that simply bothers the crap out of me.
I mean she is an orphan now- even though she is over 50 at this point. Parents are Parents… being there for them at their final stage can give you a stage where you can get that closure.
i am so upset… i literally yelled at aunty yesterday… i so wish even if i knew about her father’s health few days ago i would have pushed her to go.
I hate it when a man feels he controls the life ************************************************************
****************** - i think thats all the curses i can think of for now…
How many of us would actually let that happen? This is why we need to be stronger and not tolerate any B.S. from anybody. She's gonna feel guilty for the rest of her life for not putting her foot down.
its sad and really pathetic.
If she had not listened to uncle then I suppose he would have started threats with divorce...and things like if you go to your parents, then better stay there for good. etc etc. She should have told him to *** off and gone to take care of father no matter what. I would blame her...looser.
I don't see her point in cying now.
that’s why you dont know after marriage priorities for our desi woman does change a lot. she has to get her husband’s permission before carrying on on many things. being unmarried things which you see are quite easy to do so are infact very hard to do after marriage… you look at your husband first, kids second and your own parents and siblings comes at 3rd or 4th place… . besides, YOU being the 3rd person doesnt really know Why this lady didn’t push enough her husband to let her meet her father? .. maybe she was the one who was reluctant enough .. possibly?? .. how much she was emotionally attached to her father anyways?
I am glad we are having this argument- NO woman needs to kill herself or her wishes to please another man. Thats how simple it is.
Sorry but you are wrong!
Why does woman has to put her family her husband before her.
in my life first its ALL ABOUT ME - then parents,siblings, then it will be him. He would come in my life the last *duah.. i cannot forgot relationship of years for the relationship which is new.
If she wasn't attached i don't think she would be crying as much as she was doing last night. Plus being the oldest one she was the dearest one as well. I know her way of pushing her husband obvisouly it wasnt the best one- it didn twork.
You know when i hear stories like this i may stay single for my entire life - it scares me because i dont take crap and if khanakwasta things do go bad etc - i will be the first one out of it. I can't take abuse or BS.
If I had to get my husband's permission to visit a sick parent, spend time with them or even spend a few weeks/months with them if they are terminally ill, God help him cause it won't be pretty. Your priorities are according to how YOU set them. Not according to what your husband 'allows' you to do. No man in his right mind would forbid or limit your interaction with your parents unless he was a control freak. Same goes for the wife.
Rukhsarbibi: If the auntie herself made it look like she doesn't mind that much, what do you think the uncle would say or do? She "mentioned it to uncle if she could leave"- quoting Nia Khan. What she should have done is this-- Made it clear to him that she wants to leave like now. It's her father that's unwell, and her place is beside him at this point.
Or she should have done what ur saying if he indeed was posing a big obstacle.
nikki meri behan thats the problem!
the reason i opened this thread so if there is anyone who feels their parents are sick - they should always put them first before anything else PLUS. No woman needs to depend on her husband when it comes to making decisions...
nikki it bothers me because there are thousands of women out there who woudl sit home in their rooms and cry for nights and months. But wont stand up and say NO to their husbands.
Our society teaches us.. marna bhi shuhar ke ghar mein and rehna bhi wahi pe -
I can't blame men here to be honest. human nature is amazing we like to abuse those who are weaker then us. That uncle would not have had enough balls if aunty would have done something years ago. Now he thinks he got 2000 of them *urgh.
Nikki - I was being a bit fascetious but you are correct as well - the woman can be blamed for being submissive while the husband for being over powering.
Nia khan
This argument won’t lead us anywhere. I know woman Should Do This Should Do That blah blah what you are totally missing out is ‘What woman Usually Do in desi family system’. Get the insight and the best person to approach would be your own mother or your aunts etc. (if the partners are still together) and ask her how much sacrifices she has made to please their husbands/in-laws. *Be Practical. We don't spend our lives the way we put it down on Public Forums. *
There are very ‘rare lucky partners’ who fully understand each others Priorities/ Rights. Sadly, it’s not the case in every other family you see around.
And regarding the crying part... well crying zealously on someone’s death doesn’t show their intensity of Love to the deceased. I cried on someone’s death whom I have Never met or even heard before.
and if you think that was her father and she must be very close to him or something then sadly i must inform you, the apparent love between the two is sometimes NOT true either. :-)
living in West?
have a full backup of your husband...? if you wouldn't have one, the surely you would be thinking twice before setting up YOUR Priorities
You guys aren't seeing the uncles side of story. My mom is sort of in the same situation as the aunty was, my dad is prolonging her going to pakistan. But he has his reasons, they have reserved the tickets like twice before and my mom herself ended up canceling the trip because of the reasons. I cant get into details but some of it includes, money(oh and please dont say its only $1200 for the ticket, it would end up being $12,000 in no time at all) other reasons are that she wants to be able to go to my aunts wedding, which is in the near future and then there is my engagement/nikah.
I agree that there is nothing better than parents, but sometimes you have to look at the whole situation. I am sure had the uncle known that her father was going to die in a week, he would have made an effort to send her. I know my dad would, although at times i do think hes being a little selfish.
Anyways, the point is dont start bashing the poor guy without knowing his side.
