m in a real dillema these days…n thut i’d sahre it wid u guyz…
i got engaged like almost 2 years baq to my cousin…n it was completely arranged…we used to live in lahore…n he was in khi…n thats y i never got to know him at all…i wasnt really happy wid it in the first place…n i tried to convince my family…but they didnt lissen…they said the same thing " lerka acha hai, family achee hai n all"…but my problem is that i am not ok wid his looks:( …i mean he is ok lookin’…but i just CANT seem to think so( shallow thinkin’ …i know…but…its my shadi we are talking about here:teary1: )…khair…over the last 2 yrs…i tried my best to like him n make up my mind…but i failed to do so…i tried talking my mom to get me out f this…but she thinks " ke poora khandan hamary against ho gaye ga"…since he is my mamoun’s son…
i havent met him since we got engaged…but talked to him over the phone sometimes after that…
i want this engagement to end…but den i am worried about my mom n dad…
what should i do???..
i need some really serious answers…
You are right to call of the engagement if you are not satisfied with his look. It is your haqq.
I know this sounds awkward but the best possible solution would be to talk to your cousin (finacee) and tell him that you want to break the engagement, if he is educated enough he will realize this and call it off himself.
I know its hard, but is it worth spending the rest of your life with that person just because you didn't have the courage to tell him before getting married.
Your parents will be hurt but they will have to come terms with the fact that it is your life and your opinion counts.
you should pen down what exactly you wanna see in your Life Partner. make up a list of everything. think about the Points where you think YOU Can compromise on. then think about what Things Your present fiancée has and what he hasn't and are those the traits (which you are looking for in your life partner and your fiancée hasn't) where you really Can't compromise at all???
think about the consequences of calling off the engagement and also keep in mind the 'questionnaire' of people coming for your proposal (in future). also keep in mind that you are calling off the engagement in Khandaan and same 'Khandaan' is going to get involve again for your Next proposal.
I think you made a BIG Mistake by not compelling against your parents decision at your engagement time and then by keeping your mouth shut for 2yrs. I don't think Now its the time of rejecting someone on the basis of his 'Looks'.. its rather the time of concentrating on 'how its gonna make YOU Look among your people and what would be the pay off to you afterwards'
Call it off! There will be lots of bloodshed, fights and what not, but tell me. U willing to put up with that dislike for rest of ur life, and live the life of a caged bird? Trust me its not a great feeling to be suffocated alive yet not fully dead while living still girl. I know we care about our parents and their 'nak' but u know what, in the end, its ur life. You have to put up with it. If parents sincerely care about their children, then they shouldn't be worried about their "Nak" or khandan turning against them. U care so much that u went along with their decision, but there's a limit. U need to talk to your Dad. If not, then another sibling, baji/bhai in the family or someone elder and someone u look up to, to air out ur concern. Its very hard I know...its like dying itself, but u've gotta fight for urself girl! If u remain quiet today, u'll be expected to 'suck it up' for the rest of ur life woman! To be honest, marriage is a gamble to begin with. Doesn't matters if its to ur own cousin or not, its a risk. So u might as well begin it with your heart in it, cuz then already u're going into it with a problem at hand.
Islamically, u will not be doing anything wrong to withdraw from this relation.
^^ Don’t listen to him/her! U’re not the first specie to have made **a **mistake, neiter have your invented it, we all did. Its a very natural thing to do so.
‘sides My Nana Jan says to me, its never too late to correct a mistake as long as you are still alive and well! (esp’ matrimonial one)
i guess i agree with umair saab .. u should talk to ur cousin and let him know politely that u want this engament should end coz it doesn't coutn ur will . but remember do not tell him that u r rejecting him on basis of his look . covince him to end this engament.
one more thing i want to say . yes u do have fully rights to back off but just think for one mine just single moment that u come to car accident (may ALLAH save u and every one from any kind of bad condition Ameen) and ur face is runied then do u think ur cousin will reject u coz of just that . remember one more thing u might get good looking guy but he might able to give the love and care which ur cousin can give u . look at personality also.
beauty is only skin deep but if you really are into looks and personality than character and other qualities then the simply answer is to end the engagement and get yourself out of this mess. you are not answerable to anyone nor i think anyone will blame you. if they do then ask then to give their own daughter to the poor ugly creature and see their reaction.
i have a younger sis....n my mom thinks...if i call it off...forget about me....thats gonna affect my sister's life too....like people are gonna see her as differently den...this part sux....y do we desis even bother about this stuff....:(
n m sure our whole family is gonna cut off from us....n den i am gonna be blamed for the rest of my life for it....
i personally donot care about good looks...as i said...he is ok looking....but itz just me...
i didnt mind ....if the guy was even less den average as long as i liked him....
har koi apna naseen leker aya hai. do you want to live for yourself or for others? bcoz if you want to live for others then forget abt your own happiness and make yourself ready for sacrifices on every step possible. simple solution is to sit with ur family [parents, sisters, bros] and talk over this issue. nikah tak toot jatay hein yeh to sirf mangni hai. still its not too late to get out of this mess. tell them exactly how you feel towards the guy and whts holding you back. make it as simple as possible for them to understand where you are coming from and where u want to be. don't think they'll ignore your feelings.
how old are you?
how old is the guy
What does he do for a living/education
Have you met him in real life
Is there anyone else in your life that you like and is that why you wanna call this off?
what is it about him that you dont like? details please.
Is the boy rich?
Is the uncle older than your mom
What does your dad do for a living
where is khi?
Are you guys richer or poorer than your uncle
find the person in the family who listens to you very often and cares about you. have him/her on your side and then have a meeting with your other family members. better to have as many people as possible on your side may be your chacha/taya or some other influencial person/relative.
my mom n my siblings know about it....its my dad....none of us have talked to him yet....n i know dat widout getting him involved...its impossible to do anything....
n i know....that he is gonna be maddd.....my mom wants me to talk to him directly....this seems like the only way out....
rest of my family is in pakistan...n its hard to let them know of anything over the phone....it would have been better to talk in person....but thats not possible...
i am 20…n hez 26…hez working somewhere in England on work permit…i met him only once after growing up…n dat was more like just " dua salam"…didnt actually get to know himm…
no man…therez no one else…i would rather worry about my career at this point…than this stuff…n yeah my uncle is older than my mom…
i am concenred about the height…m a lil tall…so to say…n he is the same height…or maybe a lil shorter than me… …
khi=karachi
our families are kinda like the same …my dad is very much settled here in Canada…n his dad in Pak…
Breaking off this engagement won't be easy from what you tell me. But if you want to do it, prepare ground slowly. Talk and talk and talk to everyone in your house, till they know that you are pretty serious about it. Talking to dad may not be easy but u can ask r mom, she may not listen initially but will if you try to convince her again and again.
Well, I know a couple like that. The girl is really pretty and she got engaged to her first cousin who isnt good looking at all. SHe was educated and raised in Islamabad and he was raised in Chakwal. He chews Paan all the time, smokes like an engine. First, when we heard about their engagement, we were shocked. Infact everyone was. But the girls parents said that they couldnt do anything to break it off, because it was elders' decision. So they got married. The girl wasn't happy at all but she sacrificed for her parents. Well, after 4 years of their marriage, I see her a happy woman. She has 2 kids and her own family passed through many difficult times. And her husband was the only one to be there for them. He did everything he could. He's a real nice person. She's happy now with her husband.
Well, the point I am trying to make is, you may not like the looks of the other person. But, he might be the most beautiful person inside. Talk to him on regular basis. And if you find that your minds dont match, you have every right to break it off.
You still have every right to do so, but be sure that you make solid grounds for it and dont regret your decision later on.
U’re not the first specie to have made **a **mistake, neiter have your invented it, we all did. Its a very natural thing to do so.