Salam-
so hey now-this is kind of off of Poodenay_Ki_Chutney’s post-sorry i know it was guys only-but you’re asking girls to look with that 
anyways, my girlfriends always discuss this. I am a muslim girl in the US-nearing or am of marriageable age. I am a virgin and proud of it-i expect the guy i marry to be also. Hey, now if I can wait-then so can he. But its scary the number of guys who aren’t. What makes me the maddest 
is the number of muslim/desi boys around who are self-proclaimed players, totally date around, drink, etc. that want in the end a modest, virginal, well-behaved girl! SOOO not fair or right! The thing that’s scariest-for the most part you can tell if a girl is a virgin (by some pt)-but you cant with a guy. I do NOT want someone who has been anywhere else. What say you all??
well I am can say about myself same thing you have said about yourself. there are many guys and girls who are not involved in any kind of sex before marriage.
but its really sad to see that many people dont care about this. I think they just dont assume relationship/marriage as very sepcial.
some people lose it when they actualy cant decide because of age. I mean to say situation in schools is really not helpful for muslims/asian in the west. one cant even blame kids because the society is like this.
hey but me and you can stay even after passing uni age, then they could also do that , but no one cares really
My take on this is kind of different and unique. I am 28 and a virgin (no, I don't have a problem sharing this info. with you all) and let me tell you, it is a very difficult thing to maintain one's virginity, especially since sex is "in your face" 24/7 here (I'm in USA). Nonetheless, I control my urges since I had decided a long time ago that I will only have sex once I'm married.
The thing you all may not understand is that although I myself am a virgin, I do not seek a virginal mate. My ideal man is experienced with sex but with a limited # of partners. Why do I think this way? Don't really know but it is what my ideal situation would be. There was a point in my early 20s when I used to think that I am a virgin therefore my spouse will have to be a virgin too. My thinking in that respect has evolved.
Humph, yes the society here is very free sexually. Naturally, inclinations are to go along with your friends. However, people make their own decisions. ie-i have many "western" friends that drink, they know i don't drink, so Bas, that's it, when im with them, they don't pressure me. Sex isn't even a social thing like that. I am also taking this from an Islamic standpoint-pre/extra-marital sex is one of the biggest sins you can commit. I know of muslim guys here, while drunk and macking, asking their friends on the side- "yaar, mere liye ko acchi ladki dhoond ke lao (for shadi)" What is that? It irritates me that they expect to get decent girl, when they in no way deserve it. :(
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by moona: *
The thing you all may not understand is that although I myself am a virgin, I do not seek a virginal mate. My ideal man is experienced with sex but with a limited # of partners. Why do I think this way? Don't really know but it is what my ideal situation would be. There was a point in my early 20s when I used to think that I am a virgin therefore my spouse will have to be a virgin too. My thinking in that respect has evolved.
[/QUOTE]
Very interesting moona. I have a friend (muslim girl) who shares your thoughts exactly, and she doesn't really know why either :)
Personally, if I were a virgin, I would expect my future spouse to be a virgin also, however, if I were not a virgin, I wouldn't make virginity a requirement for my future spouse.
714, it doesn’t irritate me too much that these guys want to end up with decent girls in a marriage-sense, at the end of the day when all’s said and done. I mean, who knows, maybe they eventually grow up and learn from their mistakes. I know plenty of girls like this too, so it’s not just the guys that are “playing the field” out there.
I think too that it’s a matter of great self-respect for a person to hold himself/herself within limits. These guys and girls that act “wild” before marriage and stuff…I think they have serious self-esteem issues going on. They must learn to be secure within themselves first and then take appropriate steps forward. 
What is this bullcrap about virginity that pops up every 5th week here on Gupshup. What is such a big deal? Guys have penis that gets hard, and girls have vaginas. These things are designed for sexual purposes. Marriage has nothing to do with sex. If you can’t figure that out, you shouldn’t get married.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by NYAhmadi: *
Marriage has nothing to do with sex. If you can’t figure that out, you shouldn’t get married.
[/QUOTE]
Marriage has nothing to do with sex? Interesting.................
Look, just because I am a virgin doesn’t give me the right, nor do I want to, make judgements about those guys and girls that have intercourse before marriage. Actually, personally I don’t see anything wrong with pre-marital sex as long as it is responsible and done within one’s limits. For example, it’s disgusting for people to be hopping from bed to bed but say if a couple has been seeing each other for a certain, comfortable length of time and feel that it is a serious relationship, I don’t see the harm in have sex. Just my perspective on the issue. 
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by moona: *
personally I don't see anything wrong with pre-marital sex as long as it is responsible and done **within one's limits*.
[/QUOTE]
And what would these limits be? Is there a maximum number per night?
I think some of those who have grown up in the western culture or have embraced it with a lot of enthusiasm, have become desensitized to many moral and religious aspects of this issue. I will not be the one preaching islamic values in this thread, but sometimes it helps to take a step back and think why all the divine religions have a consistent prohibition on extra-marital sexual relationships. Its not the prohibition which is note-worthy but the under-lying principles which should be considered and the effect of such behaviour on the moral fibre of the society and to a large extent on the resultant family values.
And what would these limits be? Is there a maximum number per night?
<<
sounds like someone is truly interested in gaining the knowledge.:)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
Its not the prohibition which is note-worthy but the under-lying principles which should be considered and the effect of such behaviour on the moral fibre of the society and to a large extent on the resultant family values.
[/QUOTE]
could you elaborate a bit on how premarital sex implies reduced family values or how abstinance builts society's moral fiber?
It's not necessary that if one says they are a virgin that they haven't sexually experimented in some way or form.......everyone has their own perspective on it and I think it all depends on the person.........for myself, I was a virgin when i got married, and although my husband said that he was, he really wasn't, he had experimented and it came out in a conversation............
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by moona: *
The thing you all may not understand is that although I myself am a virgin, I do not seek a virginal mate. My ideal man is experienced with sex but with a limited # of partners. Why do I think this way? Don't really know but it is what my ideal situation would be.
[/QUOTE]
I remember a shair my friend once told me...goes something like this:
Anari ka ......, ...... ka bura haal
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by queer: *
could you elaborate a bit on how premarital sex implies reduced family values or how abstinance builts society's moral fiber?
[/QUOTE]
Yes, I certainly can, however, it will divert this particular thread from its original intent.
If you want, I can provide you some of the reading material in a separate thread. I will, however, reiterate, that each of us will have to come to our own conclusions on this issue. These are, at best, thoelogical discussions, validated by studies in recent times, and not necessarily hard and fast facts.
I thnk moona had a mature perspective on things. everyone's realities are different. And that's the way it should be.
this is my first time i came to this section and this topic caught my attention. i am a guy and i am a virgin, therefore i strictly want a virgin wife. girls have asked me to have sex with them and the only reason i have refused to do so is because one day i am going to die, and i AM aware of the punishment for having sex before marriage. another reason why i don't have sex is that if i want a virgin wife, then ofcourse i should save myself for her by abstaining from sex. otherwise it won't be fair to her. now if i were not a virgin, i wouldn't expect a virgin wife because this is just not fair. and i do agree with moona that its REALLY VERY HARD to control yourself while living in USA because i live in USA as well. i can go on and on with this topic but for now i'll just stop here.........if anyone has to say anything about my opinion, please email me because i don't often come here and check replies.
you know, i dont think that a woman who has lost her virginity is necessarily "bad" or "evil". Granted, Islamically, she's broken a rule. But, there is always room for forgiveness, and even an adulteress can get into heaven. The concept of forgiveness is there, if one asks for it, and realizes mistakes.
Many non-virgin girls realize later on that they made a huge mistake. Those women should be given credit.
So please, lets not judge all non-virgins according to our assumptions.
What this bs about it being harder to avoid sex in th U.S moon and pakbeast 
don’t label a whole nation and all the other muslim males and females just because you find it hard to control or avoid. Its based on personal mentality and has nothing to do with where you are living. There are people in the U.S. who are far more religious or refrain from such behavior than islamic countries.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Haar: *
There are people in the U.S. who are far more religious or refrain from such behavior than islamic countries.
[/QUOTE]
I have to agree with the above statement. It all depends on the individual.