Re: Virginity
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
1) Is it logical 4 a dude 2 find some1 who is a virgin?
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If its important for you then, before marrying someone you are allowed to (rather encouraged) to get a comfort-feeling about their character. For some people this is not a big deal anyway. They'd rather concentrate on personality, how the two of you complement each other, how you fit right with each other and other such traits. For them marital fidelity AFTER marriage is perhaps more important than past history of casual and serious liasons before she met you. It is all the more apparent when the guy himself has had affairs in the past and so is not bothered by it to the point of making a big deal about it.
Some others just feel that they must get a good feel about the character of their perspective spouse. Its not necessarily confined to virginity alone. Virginity is part of it, but its not carved out as it is quite difficult to establish. Some would argue that a weak character (numerous affairs) is as bad as having lost virginity, but thats an individual decision.
Short answer: yes it is logical, and it doesn't have to be direct.
In Pakistan, people find out about the character from discreet probing from the family and friends. This is especially true for parents of the girl who want to satisfy themselves about the guy, they don't know much about. I know some people actually visit their offices and enquire from the bosses and collegues. It sounds a bit over the top, but in actuality many people expect this over in Pakistan.
In Western societies, people tend to take the more direct approach and talk to the guy/gal directly to get an idea of character and personality.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
2) Is it ok 2 ask a girl directly if she is a virgin?
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I would say it depends on the girl, the guy and the relationship. If they do have a history of relationships with guys, some girls would just divulge it as a matter of honesty and to start off a serious relationship with you on the right note and better expectations. Some would outright lie in fear of not losing you and some might just be terribly offended. Hence there is no right or wrong answer to this. You have to go with your instincts on whether it is a right question to ask or even whether it makes sense to ask this question, in the first place.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
3) What if the girl is not a virgin, does that make her ineligible 4 marriage?
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From a liberal stand-point, it doesn't make much difference. Girls of all kinds get married. Even those with numerous affairs and sexual relationships prior to getting married.
From an Islamic view-point there is a saying that "For pious men, there are pious women" meaning a pious man should marry a pious woman.
However, there is no right way or wrong way about it because there is the issue of repentance. A girl may have had affairs, and then repents and keeps quiet about it. How would you know and whether, if she has now changed, does it, or should it even matter to you, is entirely your decision. To some people, she is reformed, to some others "once a crook, always a crook". You just have to go with your instincts.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
4) What if a girl u like was raped....? Would u still marry her?
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Rape is sexual intercourse without the consent of the girl. She is the victim there, and it does not make sense to penalize her again and again for the crime of another person. If you want an Islamic ruling, go talk to a scholar, however, from a logical stand-point it doesn't make sense to preclude her from the choices.
Having said that, it may make sense to find out the circumstances of rape before jumping to any conclusions.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
5) What if the girl poses the same questions - what should we reply?
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Same thing. You can either be truthful and forthright for the sake of honesty, or you may want to bury the skeletons in your closet and hope they never come out or you may just get offended by the bluntness of the girl. It entirely depends on your personality, the reality of whether you have had sexual relationships or not and your relationship with the girl who is asking this question.
I didn't answer these questions in the Religion forum, cz I figured you wanted authoritative Islamic rulings for which I am certainly not a suitable person nor do I make any pretentions about it. Corner Room, atleast allows folks to speak their mind and express their own opinions, without everyone jumping down the throats waving this fatwa and that fatwa. Then again, I am sure certain people will still love to jump up and down disagreeing with stuff above. And that is fine. As I said repeatedly there are rarely any right answers or wrong answers in matters of relationships. It mostly depends on the situation and the judgements of the individuals involved.
Hope it helps.
ok i gets u MAL1K.