so do you think that a person's attitude to lovemaking changes if they have been with someone before? i mean, if one partner is a novice and the other is experienced, is it more special or meaningful to the novice than to the other partner?
IMO if someone has abstained, i don't see anything wrong with their wanting a partner who is a virgin; but that should not be the number one quality to look for in a partner. as suroor said, it's the life you're gonna build together that matters innit
just adding on to the thought above.. you know how people say “unforgettable first time”. how many people think that the first time is actually “unforgettable”? if a person has been in a physical relationship before, can put it behind them, and enjoy the emotional/physical aspects of marriage as much as the inexperienced partner? or do they (sub?)consciously bring the effects of previous experiences into the relationship?
are u all well and truly confused now or am i still understandable? 
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*Originally posted by The new COOLDUDE: *
Ok..if a person(male or female) is not a virgin,does tht effect the person mentally or physically?...I don't think so..he still remains the same person...
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everything you choose to do or not do in your life effects your personality but those who are fked up in the head can't realize this fact!
Personally I wouldn't wanna marry one of those eff-the-bi*ch-on-the-spot types but if I'm already in love with him and if he's committed to me then I woudn't leave him just coz he used to be like that....
personally i believe... the past makes the person they are today.. but if u love the person today.. dont let the past ruin it :)
i used to thnk muslims couldnt lose their virginity until they got married.. then i was told that no ones a virgin.. sadz was very distraught at that point... but there are muslims boys out there who are virgins till their late 20s and prob even early 30's... its quite a reassuring feeling...
im a virgin.. but if i developed strong feelings for a guy who wasnt one.. well id still accept him...
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Well, it's never really bothered me till the last few weeks. It's like, if I can wait, then why can't guys? I don't mean to generalize. I'm sure there are a few odd guys here and there who will actually save it for their wife.
Oh well!
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you call it "odd" yet you expect your husband to be a virgin? am a little confused there.
by the way, i am a virgin and it's not hard for me. i am waiting to loose my virginity on my wife, and i expect a wife that's saving herself for me.
Coupla years ago i was having a discussion with some university friends and we were on the topic of marriage and the future in general. So this friend of mine goes 'Yaar yahaan par kisee ka bhee bharosa nahi sab desi larkiaan this and that yada yada clubbing jaati hain blah blah..'.
Now it just hit me then that only half an hour ago we had returned from a hectic night out clubbing, where that guy did quite a bit more than just dance to the music. My only reply was, 'Dude, and what the ***k exactly were you doing two hours ago?'
Moral of the story: IMHO, you can be a porn star before shadi for all i care. But being a hypocrite is far worse. No one should expect of their partner what they can't be themselves.
I was a virgin till I got married. It was pretty difficult because i was in a frat as well as being in NYC. Finding a random girl was not my thing because in all honesty the fear of VDs scared the hell outta me. My parents who are docs would talk about the prevalence STDs (not just AIDs) at the dinner table which had left me intensely paraniod. I mean who wants herpes, or syphilis?? I am talking aboput catching them EVEN with protection.
My wife is a virgin..she told me and I believe her, plus I know her background very well. It was much sweeter to be with someone without the fear of diseases, guilt and anxiety.
I guess my case for staying virgin is pretty wierd but hey do you want me to post pics of herpes breakouts and gonnarea discharge? I thought so...:D
Im still saving myself for marriage. Guess I was lucky cause of a good family background and a good group of friends.
The reason for remaining chaste should not be so you can marry someone chaste like yourselves, but for the sake of Allah.
I dont think the chances of me finding a virgin here in the UK are that high anyway, even if I were to ask, Id expect her to lie if shes done anything before. To be honest dont know how I would handle it if I found out after marriage.
^ dont underestimate any individual :) im sure u'll find someone u want... i used to be scared bout this whole issue too... but i think at the end of the day.. it really doesnt matter... virgin or not.. its the heart of the person that really counts in the end..
p.s i think u should be able to find someone in UK if u really wanted to :)
big issue over a small tissue :~)
^ :)
^
o'boy :~)
Good point, STD’s is another reason I don’t sleep around… :k:
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*Originally posted by EntityParadigm: *
^
o'boy :~)
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huh? :)
Why don’t you try reading what I actually wrote in ALL of my posts. 
Are you sure your mate was a virgin? How could you be so sure? You know there is no 100% surity in these things. If you can catch diseases with 100% protection. You can be a virgin without having sex…if you know what I mean.
Sometimes I wonder, if top tier education should have extra empahsis placed on worldiness for sheltered kids.
BTW, were you in a 'gay" fraternity? Must have been hell…to live in the village and still be a virgin. 
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Are you sure your mate was a virgin? How could you be so sure? You know there is no 100% surity in these things. If you can catch diseases with 100% protection. You can be a virgin without having sex…if you know what I mean.
**
Your right about the virgin issue, but I have faith and enough trust to believe in her. On the latter part, yea you can be a virgin with herpes that way too 
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Sometimes I wonder, if top tier education should have extra empahsis placed on worldiness for sheltered kids.
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Ah I see…those are the pertinent issues that you discussed while pursuing your degree in Narcotics management & Massage therapy at Joes college of beer guzzling eh? 
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BTW, were you in a 'gay" fraternity? Must have been hell…to live in the village and still be a virgin. **
Naw wasn’t a gay frat..for that I just had to walk by Tisch hall to check out Indian dudes arm in arm, hand in hand. Perhaps thats why the Indian kuris were sweating us Pakistani guys
I disagree with the basic presumption that non-virgin guys are very rare. Most of the people I associate with, completely stay away from pre-marital sex, even if they have grown up in US and lived here all their lives. So its probably just a matter of the kind of people you associate with. Each of us talk from our own experiences.
If based on the sort of folks around you, you have modified your expectation on the sort of spouse you expect, its up to you. And your choice.
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"a part of me actually thinks it would be nice to have the same expectation in my future partner. However, it seems like an unrealistic expectation."
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People start out the spouse-hunt with different characteristics they desire. Some are must-have's and some are nice-to-have's. It upto you on which way you put the virginity issue. I know people in Pakistan who would consider virginity as a non-issue, bcz they just can't imagine marrying a girl who has had pre-marital sex. Some others who posted in this thread would consider virginity as over-rated. Its, therefore, up to you. If your present life-style brings you in contact with lots of the folks of latter type, than you probably have rightly modified your expectations. Otherwise you have no reason to give up something, which you feel strongly about.
COmeon RF, we all know about the NYU “virgin” boys. They weren’t virgins because of choice. They were virgins because god made them that way.
Now if you are saying paki boys were virgins then no wonder the Paki girls had a good time at the Indian parties.
i don’t have time to read ALL of the posts and spend all my time in CORNER ROOM