You never know, WitchDr, you never know. Frankly, I don't think that was the case. Islam, out here in our community, is more for show for some people. "Dekho, hum mazhab ki kitni izzat kartay hain". They'll break the same Islamic laws that they profess to uphold with such reverence.
Again, I agree with most of what pyariCgudia said. I see this happening almost all the time.
WitchDr: u say things r not as simple as they seem. plz tell me what ur point is here. men r looked downupon as well? umm not really, i have seen and heard abt men who openly talk abt thier past relationships including physical ones to their new gfs or even wives and they are not ashmed nor scared. Sadly, wives dont have a lot of choice and end up living with them and forgive them because this act of men is looked as "koi baat nahi jawani mein aisa ho jata hai" or "larka hai, phir kya hua".
And, I am DYING to know if u r a male or female (i havent checked ur profile, incase it says it there)
If you were really DYING, you could have checked my profile. I am a male human.
Sadly, wives and gfs have choice but they don't exercise it. Are these ladies so desperate to have a guy that they forgive such behaviors (if it is a big deal for them). I do agree that our society is more open to boys committing such acts compared to girls, but that does not mean it is not looked down upon.
So basically, a non virgin never married larki will have to work 100 times harder than a non virgin larka to find herself a decent man who won't bring up the issue in every arguement.. :)
So basically, a non virgin never married larki will have to work 100 times harder than a non virgin larka to find herself a decent man who won't bring up the issue in every arguement.. :)
I think a well-cultured desi girl knowing the above will think 1000 times before she gives herself to a man. That man must be very special to her and "Khuda ki laanat" at him if he dares to leave her.
I think a well-cultured desi girl knowing the above will think 1000 times before she gives herself to a man. That man must be very special to her and "Khuda ki laanat" at him if he dares to leave her.
Why would anyone put themselves through all that?
Just get married. If he makes excuses all the time than...
I think a well-cultured desi girl knowing the above will think 1000 times before she gives herself to a man. That man must be very special to her and "Khuda ki laanat" at him if he dares to leave her.
Do you mean that she will think 1000 times before giving herself to a man with marriage or even without marriage?
If you were really DYING, you could have checked my profile. I am a male human.
Sadly, wives and gfs have choice but they don't exercise it. Are these ladies so desperate to have a guy that they forgive such behaviors (if it is a big deal for them). I do agree that our society is more open to boys committing such acts compared to girls, but that does not mean it is not looked down upon.
And NO WONDER, ur responses were such. I didnt have that kinda time to search up profiles of men like u. sorry to say. so i had prefered u tell me that urself. plus, it was to prove my point cuz i suspected u to be a man, hence, this focus on virginity and 'arguments'.
Women r not desperate, they r almost forced to be in the relationship, not necessarily by the husband but by her own parents, as they like to tell their daughters "ab izat say wahan rehna aur mar kr hi us ghar say anaa" and our "society" that is not willing to accept divorced women as "normal/ordinary" humans and males r not willing to marry one either.
And NO WONDER, ur responses were such. I didnt have that kinda time to search up profiles of men like u. sorry to say. so i had prefered u tell me that urself. plus, it was to prove my point cuz i suspected u to be a man, hence, this focus on virginity and 'arguments'.
Women r not desperate, they r almost forced to be in the relationship, not necessarily by the husband but by her own parents, as they like to tell their daughters "ab izat say wahan rehna aur mar kr hi us ghar say anaa" and our "society" that is not willing to accept divorced women as "normal/ordinary" humans and males r not willing to marry one either.
My response was directly related to what PCG wrote where she mentioned gfs and wives. She is living in a society where these ladies have power to do what they like. Women need to break the shackles which force them to stay as slaves. Be it, if it makes the number of divorces as high as that of West.
WitchDr, that's the problem. A woman who finds herself with a proposal - the best or the only one that she's got - and she finds that he's not a virgin.
Her choices :
Marry him - in which case, she just has to accept the fact that he has a history and hopes it doesn't come back to haunt the two of you, and hope that he'll quit being a player after marriage. And just keep thinking about all that cash and jazz.
Not marry him: You have to settle for something you're not happy with either, OR not get married if you don't have rishtay coming in.
OR
You marry him: It backfires, he's still a player, I mean what were you thinking? Can't teach an old dog new tricks. So you think of divorcing him.
Who's gonna marry you?
Your hole was USED.
Do you see the rationale of women? They have to take the best they can get and what'll be best for them in the long run. Not which guy has used his machinery yet or not.
Guys, can get whatever the heck they want whenever they want. They just need to send out the aunty brigade forces from their family to look for another girl after their wife leaves them.
Not to even BEGIN talking about all the emotional blackmail that can go on, and how complicated things get when kids are involved.
Sadly, wives dont have a lot of choice and end up living with them and forgive them because this act of men is looked as "koi baat nahi jawani mein aisa ho jata hai" or "larka hai, phir kya hua".
Women have to take some of that blame. Does a woman trust that kind of guy to raise her kids? If so, it simply means that religion and it's values mean less to her than satisfying the family and/or looking good in the community.
She does have a choice. It's not an easy one, but I think the outcome of that choice speaks volumes about her own values.
Guys, can get whatever the heck they want whenever they want. They just need to send out the aunty brigade forces from their family to look for another girl after their wife leaves them.
You are SO wrong on this. Infact, those friggin Aunties make matters worse, imposing their will on you. Women don't hunt for guys, they shop. Women like girls for guys, they don't select a girl based on a guy's best interest. That is to say, they don't really care what you want...and they'll be damned if they don't get their way. And that's just the Aunties...don't even get me started on closer relations.
And you forgot another option, not marry him: life goes on, find someone who contents you and all is well for the most part.
WitchDr, that's the problem. A woman who finds herself with a proposal - the best or the only one that she's got - and she finds that he's not a virgin.
Her choices :
PCG. Believe me I do understand and know what you wrote above. However, what is the solution? Is what you are presenting above a solution? I don't think so. The solution I think need to come from women, as it will not come from men - I am sure of that. The solution to me is education and reaccessing the importance of marriages if they are bringing misery instead of happiness.
Marriage is too much of a center point in our society.
It is not easy task but we need a step-change in thinking on its importance.
Women have to take some of that blame. Does a woman trust that kind of guy to raise her kids? If so, it simply means that religion and it's values mean less to her than satisfying the family and/or looking good in the community.
She does have a choice. It's not an easy one, but I think the outcome of that choice speaks volumes about her own values.
u r taking it in i dont know which direction. i think u r either not understanding or are not trying to understand the point. wat i tried to say was that men have done all kinds of things themselves but want a "pure" woman. and women who have done something like that are just not accepted in our culture (desi one, ofcourse) and that is not fair. my god, u guys r pulling this in all different directions. anyways i hope my argument is now clear. geez, im done with this thread cuz most guys like urself refuse to admit wat ur 'kind' goes around doing is just wrong and unfair.
I think I do. Please forgive me if my comments hurt your feeling. PEACE.
no ur comments havent hurt me. no hard feelings. it allowed us all to express our views (although some just never tried to understand women's situation and unfairness they r treated with).
