views needed...

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: views needed…

Another true love story . Go for it :k:

42

thanks for the positive reinforcement :slight_smile:

and thank you to everyone who provided me with their views. I really appreciate it. I’m taking it slow…and I will wait till I meet him and his family before finalizing anything with him. He knows that too and he agrees. Everything just feels so right/positive with him. InshaAllah I hope it works out…make dua for us :slight_smile:

oh and I forgot who asked but he has a European passport lolll :slight_smile:

43

how can you say whatever he is saying is true. What i have learned about desi guys is that they often lie and act like they really care about you and in love (bollywood style) while a lot of times, it's only time pass for them. btw have you told your parents about him?? do they care if you talk to guys and stuff (cuz some parents dont approve that) if they are not, i suggest you tell em.

BTW i find it very hard for someone to fall in love in 5 dayz over the internet.. lol

44

Many married couples have told me, "you don't know a guy until you live with him" Fact is, I don't know if he is right or wrong, honest or lying. You just can't ever know. Marriage is basically a gamble. At least we are taking the time to discuss various topics and asking questions to see each other's view points on just about everything.

My parents don't know but when the time comes we will tell them. Right now we're both working and studying, so we have time till we're both done.

Also I don't think he's time passing because we both have to squeeze in time for each other, we both have work, school and family that we're busy with. Plus he calls 3-4 times a day asking about my day etc, why would he waste money on international calls when he can easily call someone nearby. And he has the looks and personality to get anyone. If it wasn't for his way of thinking or his thoughts matching mine, I wouldn't be interested. I've never felt this positive about someone before.

Define love?...love can have soo many meanings :)

45

That was me, lol. Yes, be sure that you meet him AND his family. I hope he’s being honest and that everything works out for you :slight_smile: :k:

I think it’s ok for Haaniya to not say anything to her parents right now. He needs to finish school or get close to finishing it. Most parents will say no if they hear it’s some internet guy who isn’t done with school or doesn’t have a permanent/promising career.
Haaniya, just keep your options open. You’re not engaged to this guy and you should still see potential guys wherever you live to be sure.

46

Re: views needed...

if he was that shareef my dear Haniya, why did he add you (a random girl) on facebook randomly???

don't be foolish dear.

aunty says.

stop talking to the boy right now. and talk to him next only if he gets married to you. if he's serious he will make it happen. you let go and do not commit.

47

Aunty ji, what rubbish advice! So she should stop talking to him but if he decides to marry her (and is still no less of a psycho) then she should get hitched straight away. Er, where is the sense in that? Someone wanting to marry you is not sufficient!

Haaniya, internet friends are never like real friends. Ever.

48

Re: views needed...

first of all - for me similar things are boriing .. :p :$ .. .. i would not go for a girl who likes the same thing that i like .. dude .. it would be a boring life for me, i will never try something new just 'caz of someone's recommendation etc ..

SECONDLY: the most important thing. 5 days, over internet .. you are insane .. :) .. .. i don't think that it makes any sense :)

49

Infatuation is like a quickie where love is like a romantic night affair. They both produce similar feelings and results in the end. So don't confuse yourself in the differences and the similarities because both end eventually.

To tell you my feelings, it seems it is neither infatuation nor love; It seems to me like it is frustration.

The way you described your misfortunes with men, it seems like you have no clue how a male mind thinks and you assume men will behave the way you like them to be. It doesn't work like that.

5 days or more or not, it seems you are just unknowingly gathering the excuses here for the events which will inevitably unfold in the future.

50

Tameez se BAYTA

You obviously don't have any clue what I was trying to say. Ek dafa phir parho meri post ko.

Haniya,
You have obviously decided that he is ok for you - I mean you have passed him as a suitable candidate. Now, you just sit back and do not commit and leave yourself open for other options. If he approaches you in the future through proper channel (parents contact your parents with rishta) then all is good, and you can say yes.
Otherwise, jo Rabb ko manzoor.
Just don't make any commitment to him and get hung to him.

About the fact of whether you can like someone in 5 days. Why not? Aunty's guy radar can qualify guys in 5 seconds into Yes/No category - 5 days toh boht duur ki baat hey.

So yeh - if you like him, cool. Now just let it be and do not commit and keep yourself open to all options. If it is meant to be, he shall make it happen. You can simply convey to him at the max that you are open to him but cannot make any commitment right now. That's all. Let him come through the proper channel and make it happen. You keep yourself open (to other guys also) and Do Not Commit.

Good Luck.

51

Aunty, I'm sure you're wiser than me and have probably experienced the world a lot more than me but to be honest, nothing seems shady about him. The way he talks online is the way he talks on the phone and via webcam on skype. Secondly he didn't add me randomly, he thought I was a moderator of some group, and well initially I doubted him too, and asked if he has other random girls on his facebook. Well, he said no, and said everyone is either his friend from school or risthedaar. He even offered to remove any girls I had doubts over on his facebook...not only that but he offered me his facebook password if I felt it would help me. Obviously I was not interested in him removing any of his friends or his facebook password for that matter. So he does seem honest.

I don't want to stop talking to him because it's very important to talk to people prior getting in any relationship with them. He does have intentions of telling his family, but he wants to wait until he is done with school, so he has a degree and a stable job before getting families involved.

52

we don't have the same taste in things, just our views and goals in life are similar...thats all..he likes different music, different hobbies, etc etc So it's really not that boring :)

5 days talking is still better than some arranged marriages I've seen where the guy and girl meet only once or twice before deciding if they want to continue talking...And we're not getting married tomorrow, we have time.

53

that's the thing, I know how male minds think, I've seen all types, and he's the first I've seen that's so different, and that is what's kept me interested

54

Aunty everything you are saying is so right. However I really don’t want any other guy, he is exactly the kind of guy I wanted. I know it’s crazy but I get a positive feeling. There is no commitment, we both agree we have time to get to know one another better, understand one another etc.
Thank you for your comments and advice :wink:

55

Re: views needed...

Noooooooooo..way..!

5 days and i love you just don't go.

Give it sometime...maybe few months..or even years.

56

Re: views needed...

well its been at least 10 days now. That should count for something

57

Haaniya

I don't want to stop talking to him because it's very important to talk to people prior getting in any relationship with them. He does have intentions of telling his family, but he wants to wait until he is done with school, so he has a degree and a stable job before getting families involved.

However I really don't want any other guy, he is exactly the kind of guy I wanted. I know it's crazy but I get a positive feeling. There is no commitment, we both agree we have time to get to know one another better, understand one another etc.

My dear, Aunty has been there done that. Please do not make your life a painful hell. Thinking like this "I do not want any other guy" - is wrong. You are only supposed to think that about some guy once you are married to him. Not before.
Keep your emotions in check and have faith in Allah. Keeping in touch with him, talking to him a lot, and "reserving" yourself for him, will be very harmful for you. If you both are meant to be, it will happen. You have already told him you are OK with him. Now, stop the endless communication because you are technically leading to an "affair", even if it is online. Remember he is your na-mehrum and talking to him like this is not allowed in our religion.
It is very easy to go with the flow, it's fun that he's by your side and you talk to him and all - but it is not right. It's a sin actually.
About wanting to get to know him better, naraz na hona, but this is only an excuse for you to keep talking to him. You seem to have already decided that he is good enough for you. Get to know him better now after the shaadi.
Committing yourself to someone, being so free with him is not right. Keep yourself open to all options now, and have faith in Allah that He will have you married with the right person at the right time.

Haniya, Aunty has been there done that - and trust me I realised my mistake :) It all seems hunky dory but it is not. You will suffer if you choose the wrong way. So I'm only trying to tell you what's right for your benefit.

Take care and think logically and think "What does Allah want me to do".

Good Luck and do not give in to desires.

58

Re: views needed...

He does have intentions of telling his family, but he wants to wait until he is done with school, so he has a degree and a stable job before getting families involved.
This is not the right approach. Islamically, if you want to "reserve" a girl, you must do nikah with her. You can't just make a commitment verbally with each other and then say "I'll marry you later".

This is the most common trap girls fall in, and they really suffer. Haaniya, I've been through this and so have some of my friends. For some it worked out for some it did not. But it's still not the right way.

Do what's right Haaniya. Don't give in to desires. He might sound very attractive, but do what Allah wants a good Muslim girl to do. Tell him at the max that I like you and don't mind marrying you, but I cannot commit to you, I'll only commit to the guy with whom I'm married, and I will keep myself open for all guys.

If you want to continue talking to him as a friend, then sure, keep in touch - but this webcam, skype, phone - it seems you guys are talking way too much. Keep it distant and low communication. Just like you would talk to any other guy. Don't "reserve" yourself for him please!

Aunty is only saying all this coz Aunty does not want you to suffer.

59

Re: views needed...

Any Haaniya my dear, one last thing - you might think you "love" him and you might think "he is the one" but remember that as Muslims we need to obey Allah.

What has Allah said about such relationships? There is no concept of pre-marital "love" and "commitment" without nikah. Remember that Haaniya my dear. Do not make the same mistakes Aunty made :) You are dangerously near to a very very painful, thorny, rocky road, and in the end you will regret it. So please do not. :)

Obey Allah and follow His orders. That will lead you to bliss. Don't think you know what's better for you. Allah has already told us what is best for us.

:) Take care dear.

60

No you don't and you can't. You will be kidding yourself if you make yourself believe that you have understood the male thought process.